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B'Syata D'Shmya
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 Tue, Oct 03 2023, 3:30 pm
| amother Fern wrote: | | OP is the Seminary health insurance AIM? Or other health insurance in Israel where they take care of students/ If yes than she should be able to call and maybe they can send someone over to have her checked. I am BH a Grandma and I Hate Hate Hate being ill with Fever . There are many times even with a low grade fever it is hard for me to get advil and water by myself. Chill people. the young lady is without her parents here. |
I agree with Amother Fern. I am sure the girl has health insurance, AIM should have a hotline. She should reach out.
Regarding water, too many 18 yr olds used to soda and sweet drinks wont drink it .
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:33 pm
| amother DarkCyan wrote: | OP, it’s so hard when you’re far away from your child who’s sick.
It’s also hard to get a phone call that’s a “ma, I’m so sick! I can’t move!”
But let’s take a step back.
It’s true she’s sick. But how high is the fever? I haven’t read every post, but you said she doesn’t have a thermometer. So you don’t know if she has 98.7 or 105. If she’s laying in bed feeling all bad for herself, she could feel horrible but not be terribly sick. It’s no fun to feeling yuck while everyone else is out having fun. Did she tell the aim bayit all her symptoms or did she just say I don’t feel good? The aim bayit might not know if she’s really sick or not. It’s still the beginning of the year. Some girls when they get a paper cut are convinced they’ll need a blood transfusion, some girls when they have a finger falling off say they need a bandaid and will be fine. It’s a fine line that madrichot and aim bayits have to know when the girls are exaggerating or not.
I believe your daughter is sick. But no one knows if she needs Tylenol or if she needs the emergency room. Try to listen without emotions. It’s hard. But what will you do when she wants to start dating? I hope you won’t be a helicopter mother who hovers and insists on going on dates and analyzes everything. This is part of growing up and cutting the cord. Do you have anyone who you can call who can just call her and wish her a gut moed? Have them call her and see what she says. Remember the mothers always get the kvetches. |
What a leap to helicoptor parenting. When someone is sick - even something simple, they can dehydrate and have complications if they dont seek medical help. Its not a matter of exaggerating (paper cut to blood transfusion!) or praising the girl for sucking it up (a terrible thing to do).
A strep infection gone untreated can have serious repercussions so please take any illness seriously but without panic.
The students are encouraged to have health insurance and for this reason.
Do NOT throw this responsibility on someone the Mother knows. The Eim Bayis also is not a doctor or nurse and should have all fevers checked out by one. The dd might be embarrassed to tell them if she was raised to suck it up....a very dangerous message to give to anyone.
If dd doesnt have health insurance, she should seek private medical help. She is in another country and shouldnt wait for it to exacerbate, If its nothing serious then Baruch Hashem, but better to have a professional check her than a family acquaintance.
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Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:37 pm
| amother Azalea wrote: | | Serious question: Someone brings you a bedpan? So if you can get up to pish, you can get up to get water. OP said her daughter was too weak to get out of bed. So she is just soiling herself? Something doesn't ring true. |
So sad that you have this attitude. An ill person has the right to be sick. If she were well enough to get her own water she would. Is it a sin to ask for help?
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amother
DarkCyan
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Tue, Oct 03 2023, 4:52 pm
| B'Syata D'Shmya wrote: | What a leap to helicoptor parenting. When someone is sick - even something simple, they can dehydrate and have complications if they dont seek medical help. Its not a matter of exaggerating (paper cut to blood transfusion!) or praising the girl for sucking it up (a terrible thing to do).
A strep infection gone untreated can have serious repercussions so please take any illness seriously but without panic.
The students are encouraged to have health insurance and for this reason.
Do NOT throw this responsibility on someone the Mother knows. The Eim Bayis also is not a doctor or nurse and should have all fevers checked out by one. The dd might be embarrassed to tell them if she was raised to suck it up....a very dangerous message to give to anyone.
If dd doesnt have health insurance, she should seek private medical help. She is in another country and shouldnt wait for it to exacerbate, If it’s nothing serious then Baruch Hashem, but better to have a professional check her than a family acquaintance. |
I never said any of this.
Maybe it didn’t come out the way I intended.
Very often, a child will call and say ma I’m so sick I’m in bed and can’t move. But if a friend calls the same child will say I’m feeling a little off or whatever. Also mothers are known to read into things. How many mothers here have panicked when a kid says “I’m FINE!!”
I don’t think the mother has to start freaking out and blaming the seminary and aim bayit and madrichot for not caring. For all you know, the madrichot called and were told “I’m not feeling so good, I’m pretty sure I have a fever”. I’m also assuming the girl is able to say if she thinks she has strep or an ear infection or whatever. She’s old enough to go to seminary, she’s old enough to figure out how to use her voice and get the help she needs. And if it’s something personal like a uti, then by all means she should ask her mother or another close adult for help. But in that case the mother shouldn’t go around saying no one is heloing her daughter. The mother should help her daughter and not kvetch or blame.
I said a family friend should call her to see what she says, a family friend won’t be as emotional as a mother. That’s all.
Health insurance is important. And she should also know what medicines are called in Israel, like Tylenol = acamol etc.
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amother
DarkRed
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Tue, Oct 03 2023, 5:48 pm
| B'Syata D'Shmya wrote: |
A strep infection gone untreated can have serious repercussions so please take any illness seriously but without panic.
The students are encouraged to have health insurance and for this reason.
|
Just to comment, it's very unlikely that the girl is so sick that it couldn't wait a day or two. For example, you mentioned strep - In Israel, most kupot will only do overnight throat cultures even though it could take 48 hours to get results, because although uncomfortable, it is not considered dangerous to wait (to clarify- if you have it done after 10:30am it doesn't get to the lab until the next morning and then 24 hours later the results come in).
I assume the roommates, madrichot and/or aim bait checked in on her in the evening and in the morning to see how she was doing and decided on next steps accordingly.
Maybe I'm a bad mother, but when my kids are sick, I don't sit with them all night or set up a baby monitor to their room to wait on them, unless I see something super concerning like potential shortness of breath. In this case, I assume the girl was feeling out of sorts being sick in an empty dorm, and it isn't pleasant, but wasn't in danger by being alone for the day.
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Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:20 pm
| amother DarkCyan wrote: | I never said any of this.
Maybe it didn’t come out the way I intended.
Very often, a child will call and say ma I’m so sick I’m in bed and can’t move. But if a friend calls the same child will say I’m feeling a little off or whatever. Also mothers are known to read into things. How many mothers here have panicked when a kid says “I’m FINE!!”
I don’t think the mother has to start freaking out and blaming the seminary and aim bayit and madrichot for not caring. For all you know, the madrichot called and were told “I’m not feeling so good, I’m pretty sure I have a fever”. I’m also assuming the girl is able to say if she thinks she has strep or an ear infection or whatever. She’s old enough to go to seminary, she’s old enough to figure out how to use her voice and get the help she needs. And if it’s something personal like a uti, then by all means she should ask her mother or another close adult for help. But in that case the mother shouldn’t go around saying no one is heloing her daughter. The mother should help her daughter and not kvetch or blame.
I said a family friend should call her to see what she says, a family friend won’t be as emotional as a mother. That’s all.
Health insurance is important. And she should also know what medicines are called in Israel, like Tylenol = acamol etc. |
You wrote "But what will you do when she wants to start dating? I hope you won’t be a helicopter mother who hovers and insists on going on dates and analyzes everything. This is part of growing up and cutting the cord. Do you have anyone who you can call who can just call her and wish her a gut moed? Have them call her and see what she says."
I was responding to your words. If I misunderstood them and you intended to write "What a caring Mother you are" I apologize.
The dd DIDNT say "I'm FINE", she said she is alone and cant get out of bed. You think she is exaggerating. Isnt it best to have it checked out? That is the Jewish way.
The Mother wasnt "freaking out" or in panic mode, she is reaching out. Its the begining of the year, the eim bayis barely knows her dd and she is across the world. The Mother needs to tell her dd to reach out for help- via her insurance or privately. The teachers are not there to be medical personnel. neither are friends and acquaintances of the Mother . If parents of kids in Israel for the year didnt arrange medical insurance , its not too late. Please see this as a PSA and make sure that your kids seek medical consultation when they are not well and dont rely on eim bayis or family acquaintance.
You think if she is old enough to go to seminary she is old enough to figure out how to use her voice... Plenty of adults, older adults etc need help and it isnt a failing for the mother to reach out. People need help, totally human and noone should be told - figure it out yourself when you are sick.
Where did you find kvetching in the OPs posts? I coallated them for you - "Everyone is out on chol hamoed she is in bed with no water and the teachers didn’t help at all. Wwyd", "I mean she is in bed and none (no one) bring her water and food to bed." (typo - if you can forgive that) " Yes if she had water and d some food next to her bed it would be good. She needs a thermometer also which I forgot to send her with." "Dd is pretty pampered and very delicate and not used to being alone when sick" "Thank you it’s so nice of you!! Dd is the type who doesn’t want to ask for help."Thank you it’s so nice of you!! Dd is the type who doesn’t want to ask for help."
Perhaps you are reacting to some of the other comments but the Mother is just behaving like a normal concerned mother asking WWYD. Possibly, her teachers dont know she is sick. They are not doctors and barely know the girl who came just a month ago.
Not every adult is able to self diagnose uti's. strep, ear infections. Perhaps its simply covid which is going around....and will hopefully bezrat Hashem pass with some TLC like most pple). Please dont give the message that one should know whats wrong with them without seeking help.
I guess I was triggered by your post as I was raised like that. Pain? suck it up. Broken bones? no need to see a doctor. Cut yourself? Well be more careful - the bleeding will eventually stop on its own. High fever? Stop kvetching. Vomited? make sure you clean it up yourself. Sick? go to school and dont bother me....Makes me sad to see other pple treated like that.
Last edited by B'Syata D'Shmya on Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:27 pm
| amother DarkRed wrote: | Just to comment, it's very unlikely that the girl is so sick that it couldn't wait a day or two. For example, you mentioned strep - In Israel, most kupot will only do overnight throat cultures even though it could take 48 hours to get results, because although uncomfortable, it is not considered dangerous to wait (to clarify- if you have it done after 10:30am it doesn't get to the lab until the next morning and then 24 hours later the results come in).
I assume the roommates, madrichot and/or aim bait checked in on her in the evening and in the morning to see how she was doing and decided on next steps accordingly.
Maybe I'm a bad mother, but when my kids are sick, I don't sit with them all night or set up a baby monitor to their room to wait on them, unless I see something super concerning like potential shortness of breath. In this case, I assume the girl was feeling out of sorts being sick in an empty dorm, and it isn't pleasant, but wasn't in danger by being alone for the day. |
Most doctors will give a prescription for antibiotics- esp if they see something in the back of the throat that concerns them. Sometimes they will give instructions to wait for test results.
Smart students have health insurance that will cover Terem where they will do an immediate test.
Im assuming that her roommates, madrichot, aimbayis are not nurses or doctors.
Im assuming that your a GOOD Mother and if your child needs you, you are there for them in an appropriate fashion. Whatever your good sense and compassionate heart tells you. Your instincts wont fail you and here too the OP is just asking WWYD. She hasnt called for an ambulance. .
Please dont assume. BTW, sick pple should never be left alone for the day.
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Tue, Oct 03 2023, 6:40 pm
| amother Azalea wrote: | You don't actually know this. All you know is what OP said, which is, "Dd is ... not used to being alone when sick."
In other words, she's used to calling out, "mom, please bring me some water" and she gets her water that way. She has never had to go to get her own when sick so she probably doesn't realize that she actually is able to do so.
I just don't understand what OP was thinking. Most girls get sick at some point during the seminary year. Did she think the school has a nurse that goes around visiting all of them and taking care of them? |
I know AIM used to send a nurse. And a hotline. I imagine they still do.
Why is it wrong for OP to ask WWYD when her dd is sick and alone in a country across the world? If you dont understand her, then why respond? What if its really something serious? YOu want to take the chance and tell her to just tell her dd to get up and get her own water?
BTW, I personally found your comment inappropriate and horrified that so many yiddishe mothers agreed. I dont mind that I am a lone voice. I am referencing your: "So if you can get up to pish, you can get up to get water. OP said her daughter was too weak to get out of bed. So she is just soiling herself?"
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Fri, Oct 06 2023, 3:44 am
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How is your daughter feeling?
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