Having baby do I tell them?!

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 11:52 am

I started a remote job about 2 weeks ago and I decided not to tell them I am having a baby imyh the beginning of January because maybe they wouldn't hire me. This is my first child and I don't know how hard it will be.. should I tell them now I am having a baby in a month in a half? I feel weird doing that because it is a frum company and I feel like I lied to them when they hired me.. or should I just not tell them and continue working after the baby? Has anyone done this before.. like call in sick for 2 days and then continue working? its supposed to be 8 hours of work a day but I can probably be flexible around when the baby is sleeping. I don't think they would give me maternity leave anyway because I haven't been working there so long so maybe there is no point in telling them. Need advice!!

amother

Offwhite

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 12:20 pm

Not all babies sleep very much at all in the first few weeks, I'd say the only reason this could ever be an option is if you have a full time sitter lined up. Milk might not even be through by then, and with a first that is pretty painful and all consuming . If you have stitches, you may not even be able to go to the bathroom easily. If you end up with a c section, you'll be out of action a lot longer.

It will also be a very long string of lies, which you have already started by not telling them before, and which will never end... Will you tell them if you didn't sleep the whole night, never mention the age of your baby, they'll never find out from someone else?

Not to mention you're choosing your career over spending time / bonding / learning the ropes with your first baby in a really major way, not the normal career woman type way...

I would tell them and be prepared to put up with the consequences. Really you should have told them before (I know there are legal requirements to tell by 20 weeks in Israel, but I don't know where you are).

amother

Brown

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 5:58 pm

I work full time remote and still need the first 6 weeks as maternity leave after each baby. I might be able to get away with working a few hours around the 4 week mark but it would be difficult, and for sure nothing before then! When baby sleeps you need to sleep too, it’s the only time you’ll get any and you will be beyond exhausted like you can’t even imagine.

I don’t really see another choice other than to own up to it. Morally what you did was not the best, though I understand why you did it as it complicates getting the job even though legally it’s not supposed to. I probably would have done the same thing.

Just send an email saying you’re sorry for the late notice but you are expecting and due in January, and need to make plans for your maternity leave. Be very apologetic; you don’t need to make enemies out of your new boss.

shabbatiscoming

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 6:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

You are going to need WAY more than 2 days off from work post delivery.
You have to own up. You didnt do the right thing. They have a right to know. And they will need to know aa you wont be able to work right after.
And in terms of maternity leave, look up the laws of where you live.

amother

Seashell

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 6:12 pm

you def should have told them you kind of screwed yourself over. they might not have hired you, true, but now they will prob fire you bc its not so honest. regardless telling them is your only option so I would just own up to your mistake and apologize for not telling them and tell them you understand if they fire you bc you were dishonest but it was a mistake and its not who you are etc I think thats ur only hope at this point.

amother

Lightgreen

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 6:16 pm

Success10 wrote:

Beshaah tova! No you will not be able to manage on 2 days of leave after your first baby.

This. A baby is a full time job. You will be busy all day between feeding the baby. Getting used to everything. You yourself needs to rest and sleep when the baby naps. You will not be able to and should not return remotely to work after a few days. You need like 2 months.

amother

Copper

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 6:38 pm

Ill be the voice of dissent. You had no obligation to tell them you're expecting. There are laws against this anyway. Im also due January iyh, Im a therapist. I havent told my agency yet. I work for a massive frum company and everyone is always expecting bh. Ill tell my coordinator 2 weeks before my due date. I would just do that if I were you.

amother

Dimgray

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 6:47 pm

amother Copper wrote:

It really depends on the type and place of work, and it's also different if you are new to the job or been working there already for a few months at least.
I also told my manager 2 weeks before I was due (and had a week early. I really planned on telling a month in advance but wanted to finish a certain project before telling. ) but it's part time from home and nothing will happen if I don't work for 2 months if I prepare beforehand which I did.

I think a months notice is the ideal minimum - you never know if you'll have early or be induced for whatever reason. Giving birth 2 weeks before due date is still considered on time.

ra_mom

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 7:18 pm

If your company is covered by the Family and Medical Leave Act, then you need to request leave 30 days in advance before taking off to give birth.

Of course I'd suggest telling them much earlier, like halfway through the pregnancy to give everybody time to prepare for leave. But this is the minimum, legally.

ETA: I don't know if you're eligible for FMLA if you just started your job. But if you went from one job to the next, and have been working long enough, you would be eligible.

Last edited by ra_mom on Sat, Nov 18 2023, 7:23 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Ruby

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 7:18 pm

I also didn't tell my job that I was expecting when they hired me. If you're in the USA, they're legally not allowed to discriminate ie not hire you because you're pregnant. So you have the right to protect yourself by not telling.

But you need minimum minimum 6 weeks maternity leave after baby. If you don't get paid just figure it out. You cannot go back to work three days after a baby. Not fair to you, not fair to the baby. Just don't.

FYI my job happened to have been totally chilled about it once I told them. So you never know what will they might be upset or they might not be. Either way your first obligation is to yourself your family and your new baby.

amother

Bergamot

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 7:19 pm

You will need at LEAST six weeks to catch your bearings. You have NO idea what it is like to have a baby.
Figure out how to tell them and do it soon. Legally, they cannot fire you now. But, there is NO away you can go back to work before six weeks with a first baby.
You’ll be lucky if you figure out how to shower and eat and go to the bathroom within that time.

amother

Lawngreen

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 7:22 pm

You will have to. Legally you don’t have to say before you’re hired and they can’t legally ask you, but leave after two months of working is a problem. I just had my 8th baby. She’s 4weeks old and I still do nothing more than feed my baby all day long. I requested 12 weeks off for my sanity.

amother

Khaki

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 7:22 pm

I’m a therapist for a big agency and the director was so upset that so done didn’t say anything until three weeks before. You should have definitely said something but since you didn’t, say something now and hope for the best. Two days for first baby is not going to happen…I hope you’re an exception but even ppl who have it easy aren’t ready to work in two days and definitely were a lot extra with their first… wishing you a lot of Hatzlocha that they take it well and are very flexible with your timing afterward.

amother

PlumPink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 7:23 pm

amother Copper wrote:

As a parent of a child you're 100% wrong, if the agency has to scramble to find coverage and me child Doesn't receive very necessary services because of your selfishness.