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Read thread before voting - which option?
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| Mom should bring both kids to the wedding, the kallah wants her there. |
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3% |
[ 5 ] |
| Mom should sadly miss this wedding. The kallah clearly prefers she not attend. She knows the mom’s situation. |
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96% |
[ 154 ] |
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| Total Votes : 159 |
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Nov 19 2023, 4:04 pm
WWYW (what would you want) your guest at your wedding to do in the situation?
You are getting remarried, and many of your friends are divorced as well. One friend is a fellow single mom and her 2 kids have special needs (as does she) but she’s blissfully unaware of her and her kid’s needs. Kids are between 3-7. You invite the older child but you specify to the mother that she cannot bring the younger child because you’ve seen the kids at many weddings and when the mom brings both kids, it’s a disaster. Shmorg food ends up on the kallah’s gown, on the floor, everywhere. They grab the bridal bouquet for photos - the mom encourages it actually. The ladies with bouquets are asked to let the kids hold them and play kallah. This and more, and it is predictable because it happens at many weddings. The mom can’t watch both kids at once. The kids end up being a tircha on the rest of the guests.
You invite the mom and the older child and don’t want the younger kid there at all - and you make that very clear to mom.
The mother does not have reliable babysitters, nor does she make an effort to find a sitter. You have offered to help the mom find a babysitter for the wedding and you know that other people have tried as well. The mother just says she can’t find anyone and laughs.
Mom decides to attend with both of her kids. She says she has no choice because she’s a victim here. She says she will stay for just the KP but she is likely to stay for all of it. She often pops in on weddings and stays the whole time, putting her kids at plates and feeding them - without an invitation.
I am this young mother’s mentor. I am married, but I was a single mom for a while so I can relate to some of the struggle. I also gave her names of babysitters, and I know she did not call them. One of them is a chessed babysitter - free. I suggested she not attend this wedding because the kallah made it extremely clear not to bring the youngest kid.
So if you are the kallah, which poll option do you choose?
ETA - To clarify, I’m asking if I advised the young mother properly (not to bring the younger child) and should I have been more firm and clear to push her not to go? She discarded my advice.
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amother
Aqua
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Sun, Nov 19 2023, 4:13 pm
| amother OP wrote: | WWYW (what would you want) your guest at your wedding to do in the situation?
You are getting remarried, and many of your friends are divorced as well. One friend is a fellow single mom and her 2 kids have special needs (as does she) but she’s blissfully unaware of her and her kid’s needs. Kids are between 3-7. You invite the older child but you specify to the mother that she cannot bring the younger child because you’ve seen the kids at many weddings and when the mom brings both kids, it’s a disaster. Shmorg food ends up on the kallah’s gown, on the floor, everywhere. They grab the bridal bouquet for photos - the mom encourages it actually. The ladies with bouquets are asked to let the kids hold them and play kallah. This and more, and it is predictable because it happens at many weddings. The mom can’t watch both kids at once. The kids end up being a tircha on the rest of the guests.
You invite the mom and the older child and don’t want the younger kid there at all - and you make that very clear to mom.
The mother does not have reliable babysitters, nor does she make an effort to find a sitter. You have offered to help the mom find a babysitter for the wedding and you know that other people have tried as well. The mother just says she can’t find anyone and laughs.
Mom decides to attend with both of her kids. She says she has no choice because she’s a victim here. She says she will stay for just the KP but she is likely to stay for all of it. She often pops in on weddings and stays the whole time, putting her kids at plates and feeding them - without an invitation.
I am this young mother’s mentor. I am married, but I was a single mom for a while so I can relate to some of the struggle. I also gave her names of babysitters, and I know she did not call them. One of them is a chessed babysitter - free. I suggested she not attend this wedding because the kallah made it extremely clear not to bring the youngest kid.
So if you are the kallah, which poll option do you choose? |
Invite her without any kids.
2nd weddings are often small and intimate with no kids.
My own kids were not invited to mil 2nd wedding.
Perfectly normal where I come from.
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amother
OP
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Sun, Nov 19 2023, 4:19 pm
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I will add, that I suspect the mother brings the children to so many weddings, so she has one less meal per week to have to prepare and pay for for her children. Again, having been in her shoes myself, I understand the struggle of providing for your children as a single parent sometimes. I think that this was a major blow for her to be told not to bring one of her children. Her general parenting policy is that if she cannot bring her children, she will not go herself, and she gets highly offended. She seems genuinely shocked that she was asked not to bring the child, nobody has ever done that line before, although people want to. I know this because people know my relationship with her and they have told me themselves when asking what to do. I tell people only to invite who they want to be there.
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