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Don't do this to a potential host please
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contextual




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2023, 9:17 am
Favors come in 2 flavors:
Nice to do (e.g., send cookies to new neighbor) & Urgently needed (e.g., watch neighbor's kid in a true unplanned emergency)

A good boundary for favors can be:
I only do "Nice to do" favors when I'm happy to help and won't be resentful
I do "Urgently needed" favors whenever possible

Having a family for a Shabbos meal is generally "Nice to do."
So if you're going to feel resentful, you should turn them down. No one wants to take a favor from someone who's secretly disgusted with them.
Some people don't feel resentful about guests and enjoy having the company over.
You should not be saying yes to them if you're quietly disgusted with them mooching off you.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2023, 9:50 am
contextual wrote:
Favors come in 2 flavors:
Nice to do (e.g., send cookies to new neighbor) & Urgently needed (e.g., watch neighbor's kid in a true unplanned emergency)

A good boundary for favors can be:
I only do "Nice to do" favors when I'm happy to help and won't be resentful
I do "Urgently needed" favors whenever possible

Having a family for a Shabbos meal is generally "Nice to do."
So if you're going to feel resentful, you should turn them down. No one wants to take a favor from someone who's secretly disgusted with them.
Some people don't feel resentful about guests and enjoy having the company over.
You should not be saying yes to them if you're quietly disgusted with them mooching off you.


Not only do I love what you said...but I love your username and feel like it's very appropo for this convo
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2023, 9:55 am
miami85 wrote:
If you ever saw the movie "27 dresses" it's a story about a woman who "always says yes" and feels good about "being there" for her friends, until she realizes that it's just not getting her anywhere in life or in love, when she finally meets someone who teaches her to say "no" and understand where her own boundaries are, she learned how to not be a doormat and move on with her own hang ups and eventually settle down in marriage.


Are you talking about this scene....bc I don't know that I would describe the rest of the movie like that.... Bc Jane actually does the things and ends up blowing her top and going nuclear revenge....

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