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Forum
-> Working Women
amother
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 Mon, Dec 12 2005, 7:58 pm
I currently work full time and have a young baby, and I'm due with another IY"H in June. I was planning on staying at home once the next baby comes, but it was going to be a huge financial sacrifice and we would've almost certainly lived from paycheck to paycheck. My boss knows I'm pregnant and asked me today about my plans for when the baby is born. I told him childcare for 2 babies is very expensive and where everything stands now it doesn't make sense for me to come back to work, but I'm still undecided. Then he threw me a curveball and said if I can work 9-6 M-TH and 9-2 on Fridays after the baby is born, he will give me a big promotion, a pay raise, plus pay for my sick days and vacation days, which I don't currently get. Now of course this is great news, but I really had my heart set on staying home. It's hard enough leaving one baby every day, I really don't know if I can emotionally handle leaving 2. I don't know how I can split the 2 hours after I get home from work each day between two children. Has anyone ever done this? What will life be like? It seems so tough. But at the same time, the prospect of more $$$ means I can afford more for the kids and I wouldn't have to worry about the bills each month. Finally, I'd have to get a new person to watch my children b/c my current woman takes way too much, I can only imagine what she'd ask for with another baby. I know I still have plenty of time to think about it, but I know it's going to bug me until I make up my mind-- and probably afterwards, too.
For anyone who has gone through anything similar, any input or advice would be appreciated.
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mommy2
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Mon, Dec 12 2005, 8:36 pm
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I'm guessing you wont listen to my advice b/c you seem to want support for going back to work. Short term this might seem like a solution, go to work so u dont live from paycheck to paycheck, but all the research shows how children do much better if they are at home with their parents. Long term , you dont want to have to pay for tutors, psychologists etc. so make the investment now and stay home. Also dont u think your kids would much rather live on less luxuries and have their 1 and only mother there for them!!
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raizy
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Mon, Dec 12 2005, 10:02 pm
well momytwo. this thread is for working ,mother for a reason . so u shouldn't make her feel bad about having to go back to work with two kids.
I would go back to work but only for part time.. I cant imagine myselve working till 6 p.m. and then playing with the kids. that way to long for two little kids.
I work from home and it works out fine. but maybe u need to think of something from the house...
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hisorerus
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Mon, Dec 12 2005, 10:28 pm
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It works out fine?! Raizy, you're constantly complaining about one client or another!
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raizy
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Mon, Dec 12 2005, 11:57 pm
well his. yes it works out fine. I was complaining about ONE certain mother. who did all sort of shitch on me... that does not mean every single mother out there is out to get me...
and this year I have carefully handpicked the mothers and the hrs... yes it WORKED OUT FINE 
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happymom
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 12:35 am
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I agree with mommy two. im sure your kids would rather have less things and less clothes but have thier mommy more!
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baby's mom
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 1:01 am
How do YOU feel about it? Everyone may have differnt experiences , but at the end of the day do you want to leave your children for long hours?
It seems to me like your boss really wants you and is afraid of losing you. How about asking for what YOU want? Maybe he can also compromise...
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JEWISHMAMA
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 3:55 am
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I worked long hours with my first two and it was hard. you have the benefit of having money for the things you need but I found that I missed my kids and they would cry evertime I left them, which didn´t make it easier. I had to work as my dh paycheck just wasn´t enough to make ends meet. thank G-D things are much better. I work part time now with three kids. My older two are in school til 4.15 pm and my 3yr old is in a great nursery til 4. Technically I could have her home earlier but she likes the nursery, is learning tonnes and also it gives me time to clean and relax before everyone gets home. You have to work out what is better for you. My kids prefer a relaxed mommy than one who has just come home from work.
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sarahd
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 4:11 am
Personally, I can't imagine working such long hours with two babies. Unless you have almost full-time help. Won't you be exhausted all the time?
Still, as babymom says, your boss seems to want you, so maybe you can work something out between you involving less hours.
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mommy2
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 8:55 am
| Quote: | well momytwo. this thread is for working ,mother for a reason . so u shouldn't make her feel bad about having to go back to work with two kids.
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I felt very strongly about this I couldnt resist.  But after all its not like a/o else here gave her support to go back to work fulltime. 
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happymom
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 9:44 am
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well I guess because the fact is its VERY hard and draining on the kids and mother to work full time
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nobody28
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 9:52 am
I have 4 kids. I work full time. But I work early hours. So I have more time with the kids in the evening. (I'm home by 4) Maybe you can work something like that out with your boss? Trust me, it's VERY hard - but if you want the extra cash, and still want time with your kids, it's a way to work it out.
and Mommy2 - my kids are very well adjusted and fine (no shrinks necessary)
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happymom
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 9:57 am
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I think if someone is ablt to make the choice 2b with the kids or not..... the kids would be alot happier if with them is the choice!
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nobody28
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 10:08 am
I hear what you are saying. But sometimes I feel that I am a better mother - have more patience for them on days when I got to work. So there are pros to all sides.
In addition, I have been able to work it out that they are with a parent or school most of the day, so they hardly miss me at all. Every situation is different.
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amother
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 10:09 am
I am another amother, I dont have really any advice for you, but I am in the same boat as you, I am also expecting me second around the same time and dont know what to do, the $$ that I will be coming home with is hardly worth being out of the house all day. This would be the only time I would be able to take off some time from working because I could keep my 2 year old home with me.
I am hoping that my husband in going to get a nice raise 
In all likelyhood, I will prob. try and find a new job after the new baby is born, I figure until then I can get unemployment.
Good Luck figuring out what to do, and I hope after a large windfall comes my way, some gets sent to you.
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daisy
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 10:09 am
When I was pregnant with my first and deciding whether I would work after giving birth or not, an older woman at my office said to me, "you are always going to need more money, and the time you spend with your children is so special, so why give it up". The time with your babies is so limited (though it seems endless now).
To me it sounds like you really want to stay home, but are very tempted by the new offer and feel it harder to justify staying home because of it.
If you really, really need the money then like baby's mom said, you have clout because it sounds like he really wants you. Maybe a longer maternity leave, part time work, work at home a little. It's much easier to make a deal in that situation then trying to get a new job with lots of stipulations.
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amother
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 11:45 am
It's not a matter of always needing more money. As it stands, with my extra income right now, we can just pay the bills every month, and in fact we have even spent half of our savings in doing so. By the time my baby is due, my lease is going to be up and I'm hoping I can find a significantly cheaper apartment. It's not about buying the babies more toys or clothes, but about just getting by. If it turns out I do find a cheaper apartment and can afford all my bills, AND can save $100-$200 a month (I don't think this is being selfish, what do you do in an emergency if you have no money to your name??), then I will definitely stay home. But especially without that savings, I don't even think my husband will let me stay home. It's sad, but he has the mentality of entitlement and if he can live a little better, it doesn't matter who is home with the kinderlach; a babysitter is just as good.
There are no part time opportunities at my office. That said, if the finances allow for zero savings, would you stay at home? What about at the risk of creating shalom bayis issues? My husband is very against me staying at home. I was thinking I could just do it regardless and let him deal and see that it can actually work, but this might cause a horrible situation, too.
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nobody28
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 11:49 am
I myself would not be able to live with such a tight budget. I would be too worried.
If you end up having to work - I jsut want you to know - as someone who has been through it, it's not THAT BAD. You will make it through and your kids will be OK. It's very nice to be able to stay home with your kids, but it's not the worst if you have to go to work.
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Rivk
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 12:00 pm
It sounds like you really want to work. So just do it! If you keep feeling guilty then your kids will be even worse off! 
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1stimer
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Tue, Dec 13 2005, 12:24 pm
| Quote: | | What about at the risk of creating shalom bayis issues? |
NO! NO! NO! Kids need sholom bayis much much more than they need a sahm. Most child experts will tell you how the best thing you can do for your child is have a peaceful harmonious home.
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