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Young families vacationing together
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amother
Steelblue


 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 6:22 pm
I have friends that do this and I cannot understand for the life of me. They are chasidish they use the pool they hang out in pjs. I mean all gedarim go out the window once they sit on the plane I guess?! I can’t imagine how it’s good for the kids to see and experience this. And how are they not afraid this will ruin friendship, if their kid pipes up about this in school how they’re not afraid to get kicked out, how they explain to their kids in Orlando we eat this ice scream or go to the pool in a swimsuit but in Boro park we can’t.
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amother
Hotpink


 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 6:24 pm
This sounds super inappropriate to a creepy level. Particularly because it’s your neighbors. But even other friends, really really weird.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 7:03 pm
I live in a neighborhood in Jackson that isn't yeshivish and I can't think of anyone who would do this. There are definitely a lot of shabbos meals together and schmoozing but people are not going away for pesach in one house. It's definitely an anomaly.
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amother
Broom


 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 7:23 pm
amother Steelblue wrote:
I have friends that do this and I cannot understand for the life of me. They are chasidish they use the pool they hang out in pjs. I mean all gedarim go out the window once they sit on the plane I guess?! I can’t imagine how it’s good for the kids to see and experience this. And how are they not afraid this will ruin friendship, if their kid pipes up about this in school how they’re not afraid to get kicked out, how they explain to their kids in Orlando we eat this ice scream or go to the pool in a swimsuit but in Boro park we can’t.


I know chassidish couples that do this & it's obvious on them & their kids, what type of home they have. They're not the type of people I'd want to associate & be friends with.
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 7:50 pm
amother Cornsilk wrote:
8 days with other couples is a highway ticket to wrecking your own Shalom Bayis.


lol, 8 days with other random couples in a shared house is a quicker highway ticket to me wrecking my relationships with them. I would never choose to share a home with people who are not family or my very closest friends for over a week of "vacation".

Sharing a living area but different villas? Sure. But sharing an actual home? With multiple acquaintance families and all their kids? Too risky for me to be spending my vacation time and money that way.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 7:57 pm
I wouldn’t do it. Maybe compromise by staying in your own place a few blocks away. I’ve done it with family and did not like it.
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WhatFor




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 7:58 pm
amother Hotpink wrote:
This sounds super inappropriate to a creepy level. Particularly because it’s your neighbors. But even other friends, really really weird.


Wait, they're her neighbors? I actually don't think it's necessarily creepy. Just definitely not yeshivish and also definitely not something I'd ever want to do. If I'm going on vacation, it's to take a break from my regular life. I don't look to take my neighbors with me on vacation Surprised Surprised . No way!
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 8:01 pm
amother OP wrote:
A few of my neighbors are renting a place together in Orlando for pesach (upper 20s low 30s). Dh is upset since that we aren't going since I hate doing things with other families. I think it's awkward and uncomfortable to not have my own space for so long. In general he feels like we have no good family friends because I hate doing dates together or sudas... I have my own friends and he has his. Am I so wrong? I dont see the thrill in getting together with other families . I love being with dh and my kids I don't need more. Furthermore my seminary teachers spoke against these ideas we are yeshivish lakewood type ... I could totally see their point. I'm curious also if anyone on here has done such a vacation and what the reality is like



This is exactly the sort of thing that sounds good in theory but in reality I'd be absolutely miserable. I'd be open to going away together where each family has their own apartment/ townhouse or whatever next door to each other. But I don't want to be on top of each other like that from morning until night. Way too awkward for me. I need personal space and that's just a little too intimate for me.
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amother
Nemesia


 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 8:02 pm
MiracleMama wrote:
This is exactly the sort of thing that sounds good in theory but in reality I'd be absolutely miserable. I'd be open to going away together where each family has their own apartment/ townhouse or whatever next door to each other. But I don't want to be on top of each other like that from morning until night. Way too awkward for me. I need personal space and that's just a little too intimate for me.

Doesn't even sound good in theory.
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Imabubby60




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 9:21 pm
I know of multiple families that were broken up because of this kind of socializing between young couples. Depending on which community you come from, a Rav or Mashpia would likely advise against it, even prohibit it.
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dena613




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 02 2024, 9:47 pm
Living in lkwd and sending girls to a BY makes one yeshivish!!?? It's not possible to live in lkwd and NOT send to a BY!!!(ALL the schools are called BY)
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amother
Darkblue


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 3:54 am
I’ve been to Orlando with family way before this was even ‘stylish’. A lot of young chassidish couples starting doing this and I see they are uneducated and ignorant. I’ve met so many of them that realized after first day or by end of yt to be sad and in quarrel and fine relationships broken up. It’s completely not possible not to cross sensitive lines when sharing common living space with non-family members. It’s not ok in yiddishkeit and stay strong, you’re making a long term good decision by keeping boundaries healthy and safe.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 4:57 am
Told dh there are 3 pages of ladies on imamother that agree with me so he says where are the ladies who do this. Your only hearing from the ones who disagree with this... I originally thought I was being overly sensitive and was expecting people to tell me that its a regular thing to do... This thread makes me feel so much better. (I keep thinking of bilaam saying MA tovu ohalecha yakov...)
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ShishKabob




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:03 am
For some people it's regular to do this, for people that value their spouses, marriage, family, Torah and Mitzvos, it's not regular at all and it's shunned upon.
Hugs op, hopefully he will get it out of his system.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:10 am
Completely with you, OP. To me this seems inappropriate and I'm pretty MO. We have close friends that live far away and the only way to spend time with them and their family is to share a rental for shabbos. But it's a one-off situation and I'd definitely not go and do this for a whole pesach and no make a vacation/pool thing with other young families. And definitely not qith neighbors! Also, I really like my own space. But Kal vachomer no way with super social ppl. Can't see how yeshivish ppl would think this is ok.
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TravelHearter




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:11 am
OP, separate the two issues here.
One, your DH wants to join this group vacation thing, which you disagree with (as do many people on here).
Two, he wants you both to share family friends. You are satisfied with your individual ones, but he clearly wants it strongly.
I think he is so into 1 simply because the lack of 2. It’s clearly a need for him, whether you agree with it or not. Is there what to be done there? Can you work towards him on creating the family friends relationships he wants?
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amother
Electricblue


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:39 am
amother OP wrote:
Told dh there are 3 pages of ladies on imamother that agree with me so he says where are the ladies who do this. Your only hearing from the ones who disagree with this... I originally thought I was being overly sensitive and was expecting people to tell me that its a regular thing to do... This thread makes me feel so much better. (I keep thinking of bilaam saying MA tovu ohalecha yakov...)



You can tell him that yet another MO woman is saying I find it odd. Aside for the whole halachic aspects what do they do about food? Is it like a free-for-all? Everyone eating each others stuff? Or everyone has to be on equal financial levels to be able to go all-in with each other. Maybe part of me would be too cheap to do this. Laugh

But seriously I like my space also and for people who are religious and keep a slight distance between men and women sharing a meal is one thing but sharing a house with a group for multiple days is uncomfortably intimate I think. I was imagining doing it with my neighbors and it wouldn’t feel right at all.

And when I say I’m MO I’m really MO not just like more lax yeshivish.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:40 am
Absolutely not close to yeshivish. And that's really close boundaries mentally for such a long vacation. Most people will have enough after 1-2 nights of being that close quarters, mentally speaking.

But you need to put more priority on your dh's social needs in appropriate forms.

Host shabbos seudas. Find couples who have appropriate yeshivish boundaries to host.
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essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 5:42 am
We do this with family, and maybe we would do it for a shabbat with friends who live far away. But more likely a situation where we each have our own sleeping quarters and eat together.
Definitely not for a whole Pesach. Way too long.
And we are MO/DL.
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amother
Offwhite


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 6:06 am
amother OP wrote:
Told dh there are 3 pages of ladies on imamother that agree with me so he says where are the ladies who do this. Your only hearing from the ones who disagree with this... I originally thought I was being overly sensitive and was expecting people to tell me that its a regular thing to do... This thread makes me feel so much better. (I keep thinking of bilaam saying MA tovu ohalecha yakov...)



I might be from the “other side”.
We’ve gone away with family friends for vacation (not yomtov)
The houses are huge, almost every bedroom has its own private bathroom. We were respectful with keeping boys and girls hours at the pool.
I personally don’t think I would go with neighbors. That’s too close for comfort. I would prefer to go with friends. I also haven’t done a yomtov with friends, that’s just family. So far.
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