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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances
S/o middle class: Financial help poll



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Were you denied help from tzedaka organization?
No  
 37%  [ 18 ]
Yes  
 10%  [ 5 ]
I was too embarrassed to ask  
 45%  [ 22 ]
I didn't want to provide income information  
 6%  [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 48



amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:10 pm
Did you ever approach tzedakka organization (such as tomchei shabbos, ahavas tzedakka) because you were struggling and were denied any help?
Question is only for ppl that live in a town that has such services obviously.
If you got an answer of why they couldn't help you, please post in comments.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 12:55 pm
Did they give you are reason why?
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 6:17 pm
Not too many ppl answered...
so far 2 ppl were denied help!
Please share why if you were given a reason.
I was expecting more. Where are all the posters that are protesting their unfair treatment?
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amother
Green


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 7:26 pm
People don't always know a reason.
I had told someone (Rav of shul with tzeddaka fund) I needed help and didn't even get a reason why.
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 7:51 pm
I was denied because they thought dh should get a job even though I fully explained his mental health crisis. Large family and I work more than full time. I’m in a profession that doesn’t make a lot of money. It was humiliating after divulging so many details about our personal life. Still hard for to get over this.
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amother
Garnet


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 7:56 pm
I am poor middle class. I have a special ed degree and my husband has a degree as well. I thingk three times what I put in my cart. No vacation no new coats for kids etc. Yet I cant ask . Twice I did I wasnt "nebach enough" or preference goes to single mothers bla bla bla plus my own dignity. So we struggle queitly. I put my kids first as my biggest thing is that they should not be made fun off. I was made fun of as a child wearing hand me downs ... I am 35 years old and remember the incidents as if it was yesterday. I try my best and hardest. No one sees inside your tummy....Its the worst to be poor middle class. You work full time run to be on time to work at 8:30 am etc and yet theres nothing except a pile of bills to show for it. My friends are sitting at the local cafe that accepts food stamps eating an iced coffee and big danish. What can you do. No one gets it.....They try telling me then dont work and collect benefits like we do. That doesn't work unless you have some stream of income from elsewhere. I dont know whats the answer. End Rant.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 8:31 pm
amother Garnet wrote:
I My friends are sitting at the local cafe that accepts food stamps eating an iced coffee and big danish. What can you do. No one gets it.....They try telling me then dont work and collect benefits like we do. That doesn't work unless you have some stream of income from elsewhere. I dont know whats the answer. End Rant.
Those on programs are earning less
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 9:21 pm
Very little response so we can't do a statistic but I'm happy to see only 3 families were denied funds(10% of our poll)
Obviously it's way too much and I'm sad that those families couldn't be helped but from the way posters were venting on the other threads it seems like so many families were turned away!!
From what I've heard around me most tzedaka organizations help out whoever is in need.
What's more likely is that "middle class" are embarrassed to ask for help... Sad
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amother
Green


 

Post Wed, Apr 03 2024, 10:29 pm
amother Linen wrote:
Those on programs are earning less

Or they have an income stream that isn't reported. Because if you get food stamps you don't have the extra income to eat at a Cafe. Even food stamp money isnt that much.
I know because we were denied food stamps. But I don't earn that much. And if we made under the max the amount we could get it, we wouldn't have any cash to pay for a Danish in a cafe. No way they are truly honest.
Gifts from relatives count in many states. They should be reportable but people don't because they are hard to track.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 7:24 am
I know so many ppl on government program, none of them sit at a Cafe to eat danishes with their friends!!!
It's a myth!
Most work very,very hard!
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amother
DarkOrange


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 9:59 am
amother OP wrote:
I know so many ppl on government program, none of them sit at a Cafe to eat danishes with their friends!!!
It's a myth!
Most work very,very hard!


It's not a myth. There are entire communities that are living like that.
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amother
DarkOrange


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 10:02 am
OP, maybe you should add an option "never asked for help".
We actually did reach out, and they made the process so degrading for us, that it made us not ask for help again.
How is it okay that kollel/chinuch families get approved for help no questions asked, regardless of their income, and working families are dragged through the mud when asking for help. It's so twisted.
If working families have to provide income & proof from their Rav, so should kollel/chinuch families. And their income should include any benefits & support they're getting.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 12:59 pm
amother DarkOrange wrote:
OP, maybe you should add an option "never asked for help".
We actually did reach out, and they made the process so degrading for us, that it made us not ask for help again.
How is it okay that kollel/chinuch families get approved for help no questions asked, regardless of their income, and working families are dragged through the mud when asking for help. It's so twisted.
If working families have to provide income & proof from their Rav, so should kollel/chinuch families. And their income should include any benefits & support they're getting.

How do you know they're not being asked any questions?
Beside for income information and a recommendation from a rav(which to me is Normal to ask) which degrading questions did they ask you?
You, of course, don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable but I'm really curious.
Most tzedaka organizations I know have the same form to fill out for anyone requesting help.
Do you really think they have different questionnaire if your husband learn in kollel or not?
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amother
Caramel


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:17 pm
amother OP wrote:
Very little response so we can't do a statistic but I'm happy to see only 3 families were denied funds(10% of our poll)
Obviously it's way too much and I'm sad that those families couldn't be helped but from the way posters were venting on the other threads it seems like so many families were turned away!!
From what I've heard around me most tzedaka organizations help out whoever is in need.
What's more likely is that "middle class" are embarrassed to ask for help... Sad


I'm happy you were able to conclude this from your one little poll here that you don't even know how many people saw
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 2:19 pm
amother Caramel wrote:
I'm happy you were able to conclude this from your one little poll here that you don't even know how many people saw

Feel free to disregard!
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mig100




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 2:29 pm
17 were denied help. oy thats terrible. Im sure many more were embarrassed to ask
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amother
Arcticblue


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 2:33 pm
mig100 wrote:
17 were denied help. oy thats terrible. Im sure many more were embarrassed to ask

No, five were denied help, not 17.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 3:36 pm
mig100 wrote:
17 were denied help. oy thats terrible. Im sure many more were embarrassed to ask

5 were denied.
20 were embarrassed to ask for help.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 4:01 pm
We were denied help with the response that my husband makes too much.
We have a child with a medical condition. So while my husband in theory makes enough for us to get by (and I’m not talking about being rich- around $5-$6 k a month) we also have crazy medical bills.
We were told to better manage our money.
Sure, let’s not get dc treatment. It’s extremely frustrating and degrading.
To top it off my husband is very private. He did not want to divulge his financial information. I really felt like we needed the help and we were still denied. He felt so violated.
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mig100




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 04 2024, 4:31 pm
amother Wheat wrote:
We were denied help with the response that my husband makes too much.
We have a child with a medical condition. So while my husband in theory makes enough for us to get by (and I’m not talking about being rich- around $5-$6 k a month) we also have crazy medical bills.
We were told to better manage our money.
Sure, let’s not get dc treatment. It’s extremely frustrating and degrading.
To top it off my husband is very private. He did not want to divulge his financial information. I really felt like we needed the help and we were still denied. He felt so violated.


That's horrible
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