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Forum -> Working Women
I think I need a job but I don’t really want one
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:00 am
I haven’t worked in 8(!) years.
At first it supposed to be temporary.
Then we realized that we can manage well without me working. Dh’s income picked up a lot bH.
So I’ve been busy. Busy with kids and housework.. errands, appointments etc
Busy hosting and sometimes helping my husband…
At one point I took a job for a few weeks but it didn’t work out. I wasn’t really qualified and a few times I had a sick child home and I was so stressed out about leaving the child home alone or missing work. At the end it was mutual that I left.
At this point my kids are older and can stay home alone. (Maybe the youngest would have a hard time but it wouldn’t be the end of the world to leave an 11 yr old home)
The thing is- I don’t really want to work and financially I don’t even have to.
I’m just a little lonely sometimes.
I can’t say bored because there’s always what to do. Like right now I could really start the laundry or mop my floor… or buy a few things I told my kids I would purchase for them today.. or return a few amazon things…. But I don’t want to.
I feel like I need people. I have a tiny family so I don’t have family as a backup for my social life. I have friends but not a group of friends- rather people scattered all over the world in different time zones who I miss but don’t speak with on a regular basis.
I’m older. I can’t learn something new now.
I’m not good at anything in particular like a hobby or a skill.
I feel like if I start working somewhere , I’ll make a fool of myself since I would have to figure things out and I’m not so confident or talented.
So… I go about my day and get quite busy when the kids come home but there’s a certain emptiness. I wish I could do something that would make me feel good. Something that would make me feel accomplished.
Right now I don’t want to volunteer. It’s hard enough for me to consider working that at least if I commit to something I would feel good about earning money. It can always help.
I’m open to any suggestions.
I’m sorry to the people who are working so hard and wishing more than anything that they could just stay home. I totally understand you because I was there too for many years.
For some reason this is my life now and I feel like it’s time for change but I have no idea how to make that change.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:02 am
You're actually in a great position. Since you aren't dependent on the salary, you can take your time to find a job that feels like a good fit for you. Something that works with your skill set and that you don't fine overly stressful.
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amother
Cherry


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:02 am
Can I challenge you?
How old are you that you feel you can’t learn a new skill? I doubt you’re like 87. (And even then.)
What about exploring that?
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amother
Cognac


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:08 am
amother OP wrote:
I haven’t worked in 8(!) years.
At first it supposed to be temporary.
Then we realized that we can manage well without me working. Dh’s income picked up a lot bH.
So I’ve been busy. Busy with kids and housework.. errands, appointments etc
Busy hosting and sometimes helping my husband…
At one point I took a job for a few weeks but it didn’t work out. I wasn’t really qualified and a few times I had a sick child home and I was so stressed out about leaving the child home alone or missing work. At the end it was mutual that I left.
At this point my kids are older and can stay home alone. (Maybe the youngest would have a hard time but it wouldn’t be the end of the world to leave an 11 yr old home)
The thing is- I don’t really want to work and financially I don’t even have to.
I’m just a little lonely sometimes.
I can’t say bored because there’s always what to do. Like right now I could really start the laundry or mop my floor… or buy a few things I told my kids I would purchase for them today.. or return a few amazon things…. But I don’t want to.
I feel like I need people. I have a tiny family so I don’t have family as a backup for my social life. I have friends but not a group of friends- rather people scattered all over the world in different time zones who I miss but don’t speak with on a regular basis.
I’m older. I can’t learn something new now.
I’m not good at anything in particular like a hobby or a skill.
I feel like if I start working somewhere , I’ll make a fool of myself since I would have to figure things out and I’m not so confident or talented.
So… I go about my day and get quite busy when the kids come home but there’s a certain emptiness. I wish I could do something that would make me feel good. Something that would make me feel accomplished.
Right now I don’t want to volunteer. It’s hard enough for me to consider working that at least if I commit to something I would feel good about earning money. It can always help.
I’m open to any suggestions.
I’m sorry to the people who are working so hard and wishing more than anything that they could just stay home. I totally understand you because I was there too for many years.
For some reason this is my life now and I feel like it’s time for change but I have no idea how to make that change.


I'm in a similar position, although I'm sure we can use the money. Haven't been working in about 4 years and don't really want to be a slave to someone else.
Have been wracking my brain trying to think of something I can do on my own, but I also feel like I'm the type that needs collaboration and can't work in a bubble by myself.

Let me know if you come up with anything.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:09 am
amother Mint wrote:
You're actually in a great position. Since you aren't dependent on the salary, you can take your time to find a job that feels like a good fit for you. Something that works with your skill set and that you don't fine overly stressful.


Yes, I’ve been taking my time. It’s 8 years already 😊
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amother
Lightyellow


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:10 am
Do a course a degree so you will have more confidence.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:10 am
amother Cherry wrote:
Can I challenge you?
How old are you that you feel you can’t learn a new skill? I doubt you’re like 87. (And even then.)
What about exploring that?


87 😂
No, not yet!
I’m around 35 years younger. Wow… suddenly I feel so young!
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:15 am
I have a handful of friends my age so 40ish who have taken jobs as classroom assistants/title one teachers etc in our local schools. It used to be a post sem kind of first job but I noticed the teacher aides are getting older. Its a nice way to make some money, be in a good environment and have the same schedule as your kids.
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amother
Maple


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:19 am
What about getting involved in a healing community: somatic yoga classes, breath work groups, healing circles…anything focused on mental health. Healing can be a full time job!

Not that you have anything to heal from but you can always improve your mental health, and it really connects people on a deeper level.
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amother
Mint


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:28 am
amother Maple wrote:
What about getting involved in a healing community: somatic yoga classes, breath work groups, healing circles…anything focused on mental health. Healing can be a full time job!

Not that you have anything to heal from but you can always improve your mental health, and it really connects people on a deeper level.


Off topic, but I don't think this is a healthy thing to do. Very very few people should make healing their full time job.
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amother
Papayawhip


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:43 am
amother Maple wrote:
What about getting involved in a healing community: somatic yoga classes, breath work groups, healing circles…anything focused on mental health. Healing can be a full time job!

Not that you have anything to heal from but you can always improve your mental health, and it really connects people on a deeper level.


no, these jobs are for quacks!

Throw tomatoes.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 9:55 am
Maybe you could become a teacher with Partners In Torah.

It is a wonderful organization, long established, that organizes PHONE learning sessions, between experienced frum people such as you, and BT Jews who need instruction in Judaism.

They only match women with women, and men with men. It is Orthodox in orientation.

You don't have to go anywhere, as it is on the phone. Typically, it is an hour, once a week. You could help a Jewish woman or girl learn. They match people with great skill, matching attitudes and learning level.

Yes it is a commitment, but not a big one.

The phone number is 1 800 STUDY 4 2
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 10:40 am
Find a volunteer position somewhere and leave the paying jobs to those who need the parnassa.
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Aurora




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 10:43 am
Actually, volunteering might be a great fit for you. Because you can afford to choose your cause without worrying about the parnassa. It would help you meet people, and do something with your time that feels meaningful (in addition to all the house and childcare stuff)
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amother
Lily


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 10:45 am
zaq wrote:
Find a volunteer position somewhere and leave the paying jobs to those who need the parnassa.


What? Why? There’s a shortage of teachers and secretaries and many other things.

Op I’m in a similar position but have you g kids so it’s a bit more complicated….
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amother
Crystal


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 10:47 am
People can always volunteer Bikur Cholim, the local Gemach’s, Kallah teacher, pro bono coach , cook or a if you’re a bubby type helping out a young family meals, babysitting etc.
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amother
Nemesia


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 10:55 am
I’m in a similar situation. I just told my husband I think I’m going to put myself on the sub list in the girls preschool next year.
This way I can say no when I’m busy, be available if I have time.
I also miss meeting people and having a group of friends/social life.
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aimhabanim




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 11:03 am
Op I can relate to a lot of what you wrote
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 11:54 am
My mom was ur age when she went to work for the first time in 20 years. Part time a health clinic, she worked in a few diff departments and met great friends ..
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groovy1224




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 13 2024, 11:58 am
A friend of mine in a similar position ended up getting a job as a secretary in a local yeshiva/bais yaakov. The pay was a little on the pathetic side but she loves shmoozing with the other ladies and interacting with the students. Does something like that sound attractive to you?
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