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Introducing a girl to shul -- any tips?



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:01 pm
(Yes, I'm the poster who started the other thread, but since they're very different questions, I figured I'd post them separately.)

My 8 year old daughter has only been to shul for very short periods of time -- Parshas Zachor, shofar, things like that. I just found out I'll have the opportunity to start bringing her to shul for a short amount of time, maybe 20 minutes or so, each week for a couple of months.

Trying to figure out what makes the most sense to do. What part of davening do you think I should bring her for? I can't make it for the very beginning, which is what she davens in shul. It would have to be chazaras hashatz, or leining, or mussaf.

Also, how can I prep her beforehand? The shul is very big on not speaking during davening (which I love about it), and while it would obviously be fine for me to whisper instructions or answers here and there, I'd like to limit that if I can.

I'd love any input from moms who have done this before. Any advice? I've always had a hard time in shul (ADHD, not growing up with it so feeling lost), and I'd really like to make it a positive experience for her. She's excited about it, so that's good.
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amother
RosePink


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:05 pm
Mussaf! It’s short, it’s a great way to introduce her to the tefillah of mussaf, she gets to daven herself and hear chazaras hashatz, and most importantly, she gets to leave shul with everyone else at the same time, feeling like she did it, and there’s the social aspect too.
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teachkids




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:07 pm
Out of the box suggestion- mincha or maariv
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:13 pm
teachkids wrote:
Out of the box suggestion- mincha or maariv


Thanks, that timing wouldn't work unfortunately.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:16 pm
amother RosePink wrote:
Mussaf! It’s short, it’s a great way to introduce her to the tefillah of mussaf, she gets to daven herself and hear chazaras hashatz, and most importantly, she gets to leave shul with everyone else at the same time, feeling like she did it, and there’s the social aspect too.


How long would you estimate it takes to daven mussaf and hear chazaras hashatz? I really only have about twenty minutes, even though the timing is flexible. (Haven't been to shul in years, but I feel like just the quiet mussaf would take up half the time.)

Also, I should have specified her age. She's 8 and in second grade. Her kriyah skills are very good, but reading through all of mussaf herself might be hard at this point. So maybe it makes the most sense for it to be chazaras hashatz? How long does that take? (Is it longer or shorter than chazaras hashatz of shacharis?)

Thanks everyone for your help in figuring this out...I know it seems like a little thing, but it's a big help for me.
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amother
Lotus


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:16 pm
Can you take her for kabbalas Shabbos on Friday night? That's pretty short and usually involves singing and minimal instructions needed. That's how I start my kids.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:16 pm
I don't suppose it would be an easy time for you to leave the house, but Kabbalat Shabbat would be a really nice option.

Since that probably is t going to happen, I'd say Mussaf. It's not too long, and between chazrat hashatz and modem there's a fair amount of active participation, nit just listening.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:18 pm
amother OP wrote:
How long would you estimate it takes to daven mussaf and hear chazaras hashatz? I really only have about twenty minutes, even though the timing is flexible. (Haven't been to shul in years, but I feel like just the quiet mussaf would take up half the time.)


Ask your husband. There's a lot of variation between different shuls.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:18 pm
My girls started with kabbalas shabbos. It was perfect.
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Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 12:24 pm
amother OP wrote:
Also, I should have specified her age. She's 8 and in second grade. Her kriyah skills are very good, but reading through all of mussaf herself might be hard at this point. So maybe it makes the most sense for it to be chazaras hashatz? How long does that take? (Is it longer or shorter than chazaras hashatz of shacharis?)


Practice. Take a couple of weeks before you go to shul to daven Mussaf with her at home. It's a short tefillah, and you can read it in Hebrew and with the translation together. Get an interlinear siddur, to make it easy to match the words to the translation.
Read through the Artscroll commentary, or any other commentary of your choice so you can examine it to her.

Incidentally, you are probably going to have to be a bit flexible about what you go for. Most shuls don't run to an exact schedule, and if you get there at a given time you might catch the end of the leining and the haftarah one week, and mussaf the next.
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amother
Birch


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 2:38 pm
Do you live next to shul that you’ll know when they’re up to the part you want to take her for? If not, the later in davening you go the more variation there is in timing because the baal tefila takes longer or shorter on any given week and leining is shorter or longer etc. So I wouldn’t stress so much about which part is best becaue it’s hard to control and just appreciate that you and she will have a few minutes there whenever it is. At 8 she can say as much as she wants to and sit and listen the rest of the time. I would explain how kedusha and responding to Kaddish works, show her in the siddur in advance and everything else you can point her along as you go.
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amother
Moonstone


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 2:52 pm
I’d say chazarah of shachris and some of leining. It’s something she could follow along.

Are there other girls her age?
Maybe it’s time for the shul to make a girl’s group.
The groups in our shul are split
K-3 grade in one group and 4 and up in another group.
K-3 Daven, Parsha, Questions, Game, Prizes. This is ran by highschool girls.

4 & up- Daven, 1girl is picked each week to give over a devar Torah, then they come into shul for Sefer Torah, then they go back to the classroom for Mussaf and raffle.
They also meet up in the afternoon for a special class with the Morah.

I don’t know if this is done where you live
I live OOT
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 2:54 pm
amother Birch wrote:
Do you live next to shul that you’ll know when they’re up to the part you want to take her for? If not, the later in davening you go the more variation there is in timing because the baal tefila takes longer or shorter on any given week and leining is shorter or longer etc. So I wouldn’t stress so much about which part is best becaue it’s hard to control and just appreciate that you and she will have a few minutes there whenever it is. At 8 she can say as much as she wants to and sit and listen the rest of the time. I would explain how kedusha and responding to Kaddish works, show her in the siddur in advance and everything else you can point her along as you go.


Thank you! This last bit is really helpful. I'll tell her about kedusha, kaddish, and also Boruch Hu Uvaruch Shemo and amein....anything else? I'm sorry, it's literally been about two decades since I've been in a shul for more than a few minutes (besides megillah).
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 2:56 pm
amother Moonstone wrote:

4 & up- Daven, 1girl is picked each week to give over a devar Torah, then they come into shul for Sefer Torah, then they go back to the classroom for Mussaf and raffle.
They also meet up in the afternoon for a special class with the Morah.

I don’t know if this is done where you live
I live OOT


No, I'm pretty sure the shul wouldn't do that. We do have bnos groups, and a Pirkei Avos group going on right now, but both in the afternoon. They do have something that pairs up girls who want to daven (but whose mothers can't come due to younger kids at home) with older girls/women who can sit next to them and help them. But the shul has a very serious davening, so I doubt they'd go for a slew of girls coming in for kriyas hatorah. The goal is that they should come in when they're ready to daven quietly and seriously. Which is why I think that 20 minutes or so is good for her, but longer wouldn't be good even if I could pull it off...
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dena613




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 15 2024, 3:09 pm
Kabbalas shabbos (if its the type of shul that has women then)
Because it's short and lots of singing and getting into a positive spirit for shabbos

Mussaf chazaras hashatz
Teach her about the importance of amein, amein yehei shmei rabba, and kedusha. Its worth it to go to shul for one kaddish!!!
Chazaras hashatz was really meant for people (like your daughter) who couldn't daven the shmone esrei, so it's perfect for her!!
Also, there's a tune to the tefillah, so as she gets older, the words will be familiar to her and she'll be able to daven her own mussaf more easily
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