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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Is dayhab the long-term goal?
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 8:16 pm
Ds is 15 and has autism. He was in the same ABA school for the last 11 years. This year, the school was harassing me nonstop that he needs medicines to get his behaviors under control. We tried clonidine and ritalin and both were disasters. We're going back to the neurologist on Wednesday, but I'm not really optimistic about meds since ds doesn't have ADHD.
I had a meeting today with the OT director and behavioral director. They were saying that ds won't get into a dayhab program because of his behaviors. The OT director said that most of these programs are not really accommodating for kids with autism. They don't allow fidget toys and have 1 staff member for 5 kids. Ds needs 1:1 attention or something in his hands to keep other people safe. Since dayhab programs don't follow sensory diets, the school wants to cut back on all the sensory outlets ds had the last 11 years. Instead, they punish him for all his aggressive (sensory) behaviors, and try to stop all stimming behaviors which leads to frustrated aggression.
Is that really the long-term goal in life? Is the whole purpose of high school to get into a good dayhab program? Ds still has 5 more years of school. (Special ed goes to 21.) What would happen if when he's 21, he stays home with a HHA? Why is dayhab so important? The OT said that ds's tafkid in life isn't to sit on the swing (which is what he does at home) but who said his tafkid will be found in a day hab program? Why is dayhab so important?
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ectomorph




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 9:06 pm
I don't have answers, but OP, it's so hard. I daven that you should find a good place for your son.
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amother
Junglegreen


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 9:27 pm
Where are you located? so people have a better idea of what programs there are.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 9:32 pm
amother OP wrote:
Ds is 15 and has autism. He was in the same ABA school for the last 11 years. This year, the school was harassing me nonstop that he needs medicines to get his behaviors under control. We tried clonidine and ritalin and both were disasters. We're going back to the neurologist on Wednesday, but I'm not really optimistic about meds since ds doesn't have ADHD.
I had a meeting today with the OT director and behavioral director. They were saying that ds won't get into a dayhab program because of his behaviors. The OT director said that most of these programs are not really accommodating for kids with autism. They don't allow fidget toys and have 1 staff member for 5 kids. Ds needs 1:1 attention or something in his hands to keep other people safe. Since dayhab programs don't follow sensory diets, the school wants to cut back on all the sensory outlets ds had the last 11 years. Instead, they punish him for all his aggressive (sensory) behaviors, and try to stop all stimming behaviors which leads to frustrated aggression.
Is that really the long-term goal in life? Is the whole purpose of high school to get into a good dayhab program? Ds still has 5 more years of school. (Special ed goes to 21.) What would happen if when he's 21, he stays home with a HHA? Why is dayhab so important? The OT said that ds's tafkid in life isn't to sit on the swing (which is what he does at home) but who said his tafkid will be found in a day hab program? Why is dayhab so important?


I'm so sorry. Sounds like you were not treated right at all tbh, and I'm in this field.
There are so many day habs out there.
Staff ratio is different based on the person. Totally not 1:5 all the time.
There are day habs that have adults who require full support for everything.
Everyone in every day hab (and also every school) should be treated with upmost respect, love and care.
If you write where you are located maybe I can help you.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 9:41 pm
amother Burgundy wrote:
I'm so sorry. Sounds like you were not treated right at all tbh, and I'm in this field.
There are so many day habs out there.
Staff ratio is different based on the person. Totally not 1:5 all the time.
There are day habs that have adults who require full support for everything.
Everyone in every day hab (and also every school) should be treated with upmost respect, love and care.
If you write where you are located maybe I can help you.



Agree with this
I am in this field as well, this doesn’t sound right
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 9:51 pm
I'm in Brooklyn but ds is only 15. He still has 5 more years until he needs dayhab.
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amother
Winterberry


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 9:51 pm
I am not in the field. I think starting to restrict support items/activities/programs FIVE YEARS before he needs to move onto the next stage is ludicrous.

He might develop so much in those 5 years! You have no clue what his potentials are.
I don't think he is being treated properly.
Maybe it's time to move onto a new school. You might be supprised that he will be doing much better in a better, more suited environment.


I have a child with Adhd.
At home she manages beautifully becuase I work with her strengths and maximize on those. I also give her a bit leeway on her weeknesses. (Ill give her advance notice more often and stuff like that) In school it 100% depends on the year and it depends on the teacher. If she is treated with respect and given what she needed. (More time on tests. Or shorter tests. Books by her desk rather than cubby....)
She does amazingly. She's a real doll and never interrupts the class so how she does academically is 100% up to what teachers she has that year.
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 9:54 pm
amother OP wrote:
I'm in Brooklyn but ds is only 15. He still has 5 more years until he needs dayhab.


Well then maybe he needs a new school.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:03 pm
He can't go to public school because of his airborne peanut allergy. I don't know how the hearing process would work if he would switch to another private school. Also, his school finally stopped making us lay out tuition money after the 20-21 year which nobody got reimbursed yet. I can't afford laying out 6 digits for another school before I get back that money.
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amother
Oak


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:03 pm
amother OP wrote:
I'm in Brooklyn but ds is only 15. He still has 5 more years until he needs dayhab.


Is it just the teacher that has this belief or also the principal/ director?
If it is all staff and director that believe in this then he probably outgrew that school.. 5 years is a long time, he should get everything possible to make things easier for him and to help him reach his potential in these 5 years and after as well.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:10 pm
The real issue is the educational director. The first 2 years ds was in the school, she tried to bond with him unsuccessfully. After that, she spent 3 years insisting that we go to every specialist that exists. When ds was 9, the school hired an assistant educational director, an associate director, and a behavioral director. For 5 years, the educational director wasn't involved in ds's program. I did have meetings with whoever was in charge of ds each year and his behaviors came up, but it was always about what we need to implement in order to improve his behaviors. In September, the educational director announced that she will be in charge of ds's program again. The entire year, she nagged me nonstop and kept implementing new punishments for ds. The behavioral director told me that there was a significant increase in negative behaviors this year at school despite the decrease at home. I suggested many times that there might be a staff member in the room who ds doesn't like. At one point I tried talking to the director about the educational director and she yelled at me for not appreciating all that the educational director is doing for ds.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:18 pm
The school sounds crazy op. Why would you punish an autistic kid. Yes teach but you keep saying punish. That’s crazy. Your son is autistic he needs to be loved respected seen and cared for just like any other human and animal on this great planet. Do I punish my hamster when he bothers me.

Please reassess your son’s matzav. There is better out there.
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amother
Amaryllis


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:34 pm
amother OP wrote:
He can't go to public school because of his airborne peanut allergy. I don't know how the hearing process would work if he would switch to another private school. Also, his school finally stopped making us lay out tuition money after the 20-21 year which nobody got reimbursed yet. I can't afford laying out 6 digits for another school before I get back that money.


Most Brooklyn special ed schools don't make you lay out the money. This is my child's third year in a spEd school and I have only laid out 5-7K a year in addition to my attorney fees (another 5k).
(My tuition is approximately 100k.)
I'm agreeing with the others that say it's time to look into other options and consider switching.
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behappy2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:52 pm
I have a friend who has an autistic teenager who would be happy to lend and ear and see if she can be helpful. She lives in Lakewood and she is involved with the autistic community. You can pm me for her name and number.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:53 pm
I don’t know what will happen to the hearings still in process for last year and 2 years ago. I emailed my lawyer to ask if I’m hurting my chances of winning the hearings by applying elsewhere. That was over a week ago and she still didn’t respond.
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 10:56 pm
Aggression in asd is often caused by clostridia overgrowth in the gut. Maybe you can try treating that and see if it helps.

Also amantadine is a drug that's been used off label for irritability in asd, you may want to find a dr who is willing to rx it for you.

Maybe this will be helpful https://tacanow.org/family-res.....owth.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 16 2024, 11:50 pm
Agree to try and get out.

Also, it's worth noting that many public schools are peanut free.
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 12:34 am
The ablesim is so real. I can't even believe what I'm reading. Restricting stimming and fidget toys? Why??? Who is negatively impacted by stimming?? How does it hurt others?

I hear if you want someone like me to do these things so society accepts me (which is still so wrong IMHO) Everyone stims! Autistics just do it way more and way more obviously, but someone lower functioning who is clearly autistic like what on earth is the goal to make them suffer???

This is so sad. Preventing autistics from using tools they need to self regulate is so wrong, and it doesn't sound like they are offering any alternatives but just expecting his brain to change and his needs to self regulate to magically dissappear.
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 6:51 am
amother Papaya wrote:
Aggression in asd is often caused by clostridia overgrowth in the gut. Maybe you can try treating that and see if it helps.

Also amantadine is a drug that's been used off label for irritability in asd, you may want to find a dr who is willing to rx it for you.

Maybe this will be helpful https://tacanow.org/family-res.....owth.

With ds, random aggression is caused by GI issues. At this point, he's on pepcid and I'm careful about his diet so he rarely has aggressions outside of school. We did have some over Pesach when he got constipated. The aggression in school is coming from anger. I finally reached the point where the school is (hopefully) not using potato chips as a reinforcer, and I send in cereal and lunch for ds since oily foods are the worst thing for his constipation and reflux, and that's what the school was giving him.
I'll ask the doctor about amantadine when I go on Wednesday.
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 6:55 am
imasinger wrote:
Agree to try and get out.

Also, it's worth noting that many public schools are peanut free.

Every public school I toured had peanut butter in the lunchroom. A few told me that they can't accommodate airborne peanut allergy. Last week, I went down the list of Brooklyn district 75 schools. I removed all that share a building for their main site or don't have high school in the main site since ds can't share a building due to his aggressions. I googled each school that has its own high school building, and only one had information available online. I called that school and asked if they could accommodate an airborne peanut allergy, and the secretary said probably not.
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