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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Is dayhab the long-term goal?
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 6:57 am
LovesHashem wrote:
The ablesim is so real. I can't even believe what I'm reading. Restricting stimming and fidget toys? Why??? Who is negatively impacted by stimming?? How does it hurt others?

I hear if you want someone like me to do these things so society accepts me (which is still so wrong IMHO) Everyone stims! Autistics just do it way more and way more obviously, but someone lower functioning who is clearly autistic like what on earth is the goal to make them suffer???

This is so sad. Preventing autistics from using tools they need to self regulate is so wrong, and it doesn't sound like they are offering any alternatives but just expecting his brain to change and his needs to self regulate to magically dissappear.

Ds vocalizes loudly when stimming. Apparently, someone from his school got kicked out of dayhab because the loud vocalizations annoyed other people. That's why the school decided to try to stop the vocalizations.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 7:21 am
amother OP wrote:
Ds vocalizes loudly when stimming. Apparently, someone from his school got kicked out of dayhab because the loud vocalizations annoyed other people. That's why the school decided to try to stop the vocalizations.


It hurts me to read this. This school needs an overhaul in best practices.
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amother
Snow


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 7:35 am
I’m an OT and work with special needs kids, including autistic kids. I’m horrified. There is so much wrong about that place, I don’t even know where to begin. They are absolutely mistreating your son! No wonder he’s aggressive at school-they aren’t allowing him to have his basic needs met! Stimming is a need, not a “want.” (As long as the stimming isn’t self harm or destroying property, which in that case would need to dig deeper to see what’s causing that.)

There are most definitely dayhabs that accommodate people like your son, I’ve seen it in Bancroft. My heart is breaking for you and your son. He is being treated so horribly and is completely misunderstood at his school. At my work, nobody is ripping away fidgets or keeping teens away from swings. Also don’t understand why they’d prescribe Ritalin for aggressive behavior. (As a matter of fact, it wasn’t prescribed for my aggressive autistic child who does have ADHD because it can cause even more aggression when it wears off!).
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LovesHashem




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 7:47 am
amother OP wrote:
Ds vocalizes loudly when stimming. Apparently, someone from his school got kicked out of dayhab because the loud vocalizations annoyed other people. That's why the school decided to try to stop the vocalizations.


Okay so you can teach him when he needs to vocalize he can

1. Go to a room alone or bathroom and vocalize, he should have this accessible to him.
2. Explore other ways of stimming or other tools to help him. Maybe listening to the same song he likes over and over can give him a similar experience to vocalizing. If not finding other ways to stim that don't bother others is crucial.

But it sounded like they are taking away access to all kinds of stimming. Either way I'd think a place that's literally made for autistics should accommodate autistic needs.

This really sounds off. I'm so sorry.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 8:05 am
Op, find a new psychiatrist
Find a new school
I know it's a tall order but the current situation is less than optimal
You can call Yahalom organization for help with how to move forward on those two. Best of luck!
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amother
Bergamot


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 8:39 am
I'm a bcba and this school sounds so off
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amother
Broom


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 12:29 pm
I agree with everyone that he should be allowed to stim at times and have sensory time. But if he’s being aggressive and not following his programs that could be why they are upset. And it’s probably true that dayhab won’t take him with a lot of aggressive behaviors.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 12:36 pm
I hate to say this but does this school get an incentive aka kickback from the dayhab programs otherwise it seems crazy to me that they care so much about which program he goes to. Once he graduates why would they care so much about where he goes next he is your kid not theirs. I would understand if you are concerned about what his options will be as an adult but why does a school care?
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amother
Yolk


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 12:48 pm
Have you ever tried therapy with horses? Many autistic kids respond better by being outdoors and riding lessons have eased symptom in many cases.
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amother
Junglegreen


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 12:55 pm
Does your child get opwdd services? Does he go to after-school or sunday programs, if not maybe sign him up for self direction, where can take classes. I know of a lot of individuals with autism that take different types of classes. It really helps improve overall functioning.
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amother
Winterberry


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 12:56 pm
LovesHashem wrote:
The ablesim is so real. I can't even believe what I'm reading. Restricting stimming and fidget toys? Why??? Who is negatively impacted by stimming?? How does it hurt others?

I hear if you want someone like me to do these things so society accepts me (which is still so wrong IMHO) Everyone stims! Autistics just do it way more and way more obviously, but someone lower functioning who is clearly autistic like what on earth is the goal to make them suffer???

This is so sad. Preventing autistics from using tools they need to self regulate is so wrong, and it doesn't sound like they are offering any alternatives but just expecting his brain to change and his needs to self regulate to magically dissappear.


Exactly. You articulated it do well!

Op I hope you find a place for your son that treats him the way he deserves!!!
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amother
OP


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 2:33 pm
mha3484 wrote:
I hate to say this but does this school get an incentive aka kickback from the dayhab programs otherwise it seems crazy to me that they care so much about which program he goes to. Once he graduates why would they care so much about where he goes next he is your kid not theirs. I would understand if you are concerned about what his options will be as an adult but why does a school care?

They don’t have any connections to dayhab programs but they generally keep in touch with parents of their graduates. They know that most parents (including me) work. I think they really do want to make sure their graduates have something to do; they’re just going about it the wrong way.
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amother
Snow


 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 3:16 pm
amother Broom wrote:
I agree with everyone that he should be allowed to stim at times and have sensory time. But if he’s being aggressive and not following his programs that could be why they are upset. And it’s probably true that dayhab won’t take him with a lot of aggressive behaviors.

The aggressive behaviors are a reaction to the way he is being mistreated over there! They won’t allow him to stim. Stimming is how autistic people process things. It’s like not allowing someone to go to the bathroom.
He is an individual with special needs who is unable to communicate the way we do and cannot advocate for himself. They’re denying him of his basic needs. He then becomes extremely dysregulated, agitated, and in a constant ANS fight or flight survival state. 1+1=2. I’m a pediatric OT who has worked with a lot of severely autistic kids. This is a really heartbreaking situation. They’re causing him much harm and extreme distress.
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TwinsMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, May 17 2024, 7:32 pm
oh my goodness. My autistic twins are 17. Dayhab is NOT the end all, be all. Maybe it's right for your son, maybe not. Maybe he can be in a supported work environment. Maybe he can be home or in the community with an HHA or PCA. IEP transition pages are supposed to narrow down next steps and they seem hell bent on dayhab but you seem open to other options.

Geodon, risperdal and abilify are all used for aggression in autism--- is your psychiatrist open to suggestions?

ABSOLUTELY he needs to be in a school that allows stims and fidgets and sensory diets!!!!

If he'd be in a self contained program in public school, why would he have to eat in the lunchroom/cafeteria? Why not restrict his lunch environment to control for nuts? The whole class can eat in the classroom with strong supervision over what's being eaten or he can eat 1:1 with a para in the classroom and rotate various peers to come in and have lunchtime with him with no peanuts. I LOVE Public school. MY autistic son with aggression got kicked out but I'd LOVE to get him back in. It's not going to happen, but public school has been WONDERFUL for my other autistic teen--- -she's high functioning enough that the supports they have at public school are all she needs. She's no longer aggressive, BH.

You shouldn't be PAYING for school. The district should either accomodate him in public school or pay for his special school.
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