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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
To OP of the wedding/class trip thread:



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 21 2024, 11:54 pm
The thread is locked so I can't say this there, and maybe it's better, because it would just be swallowed.

I want to say that I salute you. Salut Salut

You started your thread very "me me me" and uptight about family pictures being more important than a class trip. Pictures that could be taken at a later point in the wedding or photoshopped in versus a trip that he will remember for his whole life.

And within less than two pages you were happy for your son to be going on his class trip and okay with him missing the chupa and reception.

You started off sounding like my mother (a narc) and but quickly changed to just being a mom happy for her son.

I want to salute you, your honesty, your willingness to listen and reframe. Most often OPs here are looking for an echo chamber and don't take reframing very well. But it seems that when you asked for other opinions you really wanted them and not just to hear that you were right.

That kind of maturity and honesty is a breath of fresh air and your son is so lucky to have you as a mom.

And if you were raised my a mother like mine (which could explain why you saw the photos as more important in the first place) then the entire forum should be saluting you for breaking the cycle.

Hooray Hooray Hooray

Please no negative comments, or I will report to admins.

This thread is solely to salute that OP, whose thread I saw only after it had been locked.
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amother
Feverfew


 

Post Wed, May 22 2024, 12:36 am
Are you the OP of that thread? Why do you start a thread to say "only praise" and no disagreements? That's not how threads work here unless you're in a safe haven.

I never commented on that thread, but I actually started off feeling sympathetic toward the OP, even though I disagreed with her approach. However, by the end of the thread, it seemed that she thought the proper approach if she could have it her way, was actually to keep her son from the class trip because her sister would be unhappy if her nephew attended his class trip and came late to her grandchild's wedding. Then more posts defending that position and arguing why the class trip wasn't a big deal. The makeh bepatish for me was when people kept saying why that take was wrong and selfish, she argued how much her feelings were hurt and how much she does for her kids (as though that would justify making her kid go to the wedding if the decision was hers). It sounds like her son has medical issues and from the side anecdotes, it sounds like she must have to do a lot for him. And of course no normal person would argue that. But what does how much she does for her kids have to do with whether it's okay to keep her kid back from a class trip to appease her sibling? As someone whose parent would react like that when I tried to be seen, her posts started to get bothered more and more. Much more at the end than the beginning.

Also, I sympathised with her about her DH signing things without her input until she kept posting and I realised that she was upset that her DH signed because she actually wanted to argue to make her son miss the trip. She said her DH signed it knowing she wouldn't have allowed. I'm not saying he should do things against her, but you know what? My parent made me miss a major class event for a frivolous reason to me, and I haven't forgotten twenty years later. If only my other parent would have stood up to them. If it makes a difference, my problematic parent likely has borderline pd more than classic narcissistic personality disorder. But people with bpd tend to struggle with empathy at times when they're going through stuff, so they're not reliably able to empathise or be there for a child. Definitely not saying that's OP's issue, but just saying that's why I was ultimately triggered by the end of that thread. We all read posts with our own experiences in our background, and when we recognise something that sounds familiar to us, we respond. It doesn't mean that the op of any thread has the same issue we're responding to, but sometimes we're at least picking up on an issue that's there, even if it's there for a different reason than our personal experience.
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amother
Hunter


 

Post Wed, May 22 2024, 12:51 am
Whenever I'm on this site it seems like 9/10 posters are teens. Their perspectives are those of adolescents. They're absolutely terrified of being parents and not friends/enablers to their kids. Then when those indulged kids become nightmare adults They're completely shocked. Does anyone actually want to be a parent? Because that comes with responsibilities
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amother
Feverfew


 

Post Wed, May 22 2024, 4:54 am
amother Hunter wrote:
Whenever I'm on this site it seems like 9/10 posters are teens. Their perspectives are those of adolescents. They're absolutely terrified of being parents and not friends/enablers to their kids. Then when those indulged kids become nightmare adults They're completely shocked. Does anyone actually want to be a parent? Because that comes with responsibilities


What does that have to do with this thread? The child not only already has a medical issue, but it's one that prevents him from being able to go on many normal rides like the rest of his class. Kids with major life challenges like that at an early age aren't usually the ones who turn out entitled. Being permitted to attend a class trip is not what makes an entitled child. Sorry if I'm completely misunderstanding the point of your post.
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amother
Hydrangea


 

Post Wed, May 22 2024, 5:16 am
amother Hunter wrote:
Whenever I'm on this site it seems like 9/10 posters are teens. Their perspectives are those of adolescents. They're absolutely terrified of being parents and not friends/enablers to their kids. Then when those indulged kids become nightmare adults They're completely shocked. Does anyone actually want to be a parent? Because that comes with responsibilities

What are you talking about??
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amother
Buttercup


 

Post Wed, May 22 2024, 5:18 am
amother Feverfew wrote:
Are you the OP of that thread? Why do you start a thread to say "only praise" and no disagreements? That's not how threads work here unless you're in a safe haven.

I never commented on that thread, but I actually started off feeling sympathetic toward the OP, even though I disagreed with her approach. However, by the end of the thread, it seemed that she thought the proper approach if she could have it her way, was actually to keep her son from the class trip because her sister would be unhappy if her nephew attended his class trip and came late to her grandchild's wedding. Then more posts defending that position and arguing why the class trip wasn't a big deal. The makeh bepatish for me was when people kept saying why that take was wrong and selfish, she argued how much her feelings were hurt and how much she does for her kids (as though that would justify making her kid go to the wedding if the decision was hers). It sounds like her son has medical issues and from the side anecdotes, it sounds like she must have to do a lot for him. And of course no normal person would argue that. But what does how much she does for her kids have to do with whether it's okay to keep her kid back from a class trip to appease her sibling? As someone whose parent would react like that when I tried to be seen, her posts started to get bothered more and more. Much more at the end than the beginning.

Also, I sympathised with her about her DH signing things without her input until she kept posting and I realised that she was upset that her DH signed because she actually wanted to argue to make her son miss the trip. She said her DH signed it knowing she wouldn't have allowed. I'm not saying he should do things against her, but you know what? My parent made me miss a major class event for a frivolous reason to me, and I haven't forgotten twenty years later. If only my other parent would have stood up to them. If it makes a difference, my problematic parent likely has borderline pd more than classic narcissistic personality disorder. But people with bpd tend to struggle with empathy at times when they're going through stuff, so they're not reliably able to empathise or be there for a child. Definitely not saying that's OP's issue, but just saying that's why I was ultimately triggered by the end of that thread. We all read posts with our own experiences in our background, and when we recognise something that sounds familiar to us, we respond. It doesn't mean that the op of any thread has the same issue we're responding to, but sometimes we're at least picking up on an issue that's there, even if it's there for a different reason than our personal experience.


Maybe because this poster fully agrees with that op and therefore is praising her. Do you disagree with everyone that posts here?
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amother
Feverfew


 

Post Wed, May 22 2024, 5:51 am
amother Buttercup wrote:
Maybe because this poster fully agrees with that op and therefore is praising her. Do you disagree with everyone that posts here?


You're misrepresenting what I wrote. I put "only praise" in quotations. Meaning that's what the op is demanding in response. It's ridiculous to create a thread and demand that no one who disagrees with you should respond, unless you're posting in a safe haven. This is a community site, not a personal journal.
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TravelHearter




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 22 2024, 5:59 am
I think the OP is perfectly entitled to open up a thread and post whatever she wants. If you don’t like it, move on.
In general, posts like OPs are rare, so it’s refreshing to see one! She feels the other OP really grew throughout that thread and wanted to salute her.
Not sure why that’s bothering you.
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