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Safety regarding molested children
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amother
Mocha


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 4:12 am
amother OP wrote:
I was thinking that I should do this.

You will be told not to inform other parents and also not to inform CPS.
And then more and more children will be molested.

That is - unless you walk in circles that prioritize safety. But most mainstream litvish/chassidish rabbanim aren't going to say such things. Moiser moiser.

If you are Chabad or MO you have much better chances, but even that isn't 100%.

Please, OP, please.

Understand that if you remain silent the blood of all these children exposed to this other child will be on YOUR hands and not just on the hands of this child's parents.

CSA leads to suicides down the line in addition to leading to broken marriages, parents molesting children, generations of trauma. You can have entire communities scarred by the molestation started by one child. Please have mercy on the children in your community and take responsibility for putting a stop to this mageifa, if the child's own parents won't do it.

Your child is likely not the only one molested by this other child. The other child will find additional victims if s/he does not receive help and is not actively prevented from "treating" him/herself by harming others.

Please ensure that the children in your community, and their future children, stay safe. Do the right thing.
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amother
Mocha


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 4:13 am
shachachti wrote:
And? Did they?

If they were pareve about it then chances are they think it was a one time thing and it went away.

I wouldn't allow my child near their child unless I see the parents hysterical and really serious about taking care of it.

This. And for all you know that child is still being molested by a family member - grandparent, parent, cousin, aunt/uncle.

Most parents are horrified to hear their child was molested. If these parents didn't see treatment as urgent chances are there's something else going on over there.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 4:58 am
amother OP wrote:
Whatever the proper name is, trust me. You don't want your child next to this s-xual bully. I'm going for help myself (in addition to my child going for help) because whenever I see this child I want to literally chop their fingertips off. It is infuriating to see him/her playing with other kids when my child might have lifelong issues from this.


you do realize of course that this child is a victim him/herself don't you? why are you angry at them? Their abuser is the one to be angry at.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 9:27 am
amother Scarlet wrote:
you do realize of course that this child is a victim him/herself don't you? why are you angry at them? Their abuser is the one to be angry at.


What a big person you are. So forgiving. When it's your child that this happened to you can feel bad for the abuser.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 10:44 am
amother OP wrote:
Whatever the proper name is, trust me. You don't want your child next to this s-xual bully. I'm going for help myself (in addition to my child going for help) because whenever I see this child I want to literally chop their fingertips off. It is infuriating to see him/her playing with other kids when my child might have lifelong issues from this.


There is no contradiction between having compassion for this child and having compassion for other children. What's best for both is to prevent this child from doing it again. Every time the child repeats the abuse, they're also abusing themself. It's a not-unheard-of reaction to CSA. But you should be aware also that COCSA can lead to this too. You have to watch out for this child's victims possibly repeating the behavior too.
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amother
Mocha


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 3:56 pm
amother Coral wrote:
There is no contradiction between having compassion for this child and having compassion for other children. What's best for both is to prevent this child from doing it again. Every time the child repeats the abuse, they're also abusing themself. It's a not-unheard-of reaction to CSA. But you should be aware also that COCSA can lead to this too. You have to watch out for this child's victims possibly repeating the behavior too.

Stop. Everyone stop being mean to OP.

She's a mother in incredible pain. She is allowed to be angry at the child who hurt her child. She isn't doing anything to that child, she's doing everything she can to make sure her child, the offending (perpetrator) child, and all the other children in her neighborhood are safe.

Let this be her safe place. Just let her vent. And support her.

And daven that you never walk in her shoes.

But don't judge.
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lamplighter




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 7:43 pm
I just want to say that you must be an incredible mother for your child to have come to you to tell you. I want to offer chizzuk that likely your child will not be scarred long term from this. Your appropriate reaction and getting your child help now will be that difference. A trusted adult molesting is much more damaging trauma wise and your staying levelheaded and compassionate, while following the guidance of the professionals will benefit your child tremendously. Hashem should give you all the koach and healing in the world.
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amother
Coral


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 7:49 pm
amother Mocha wrote:
Stop. Everyone stop being mean to OP.

She's a mother in incredible pain. She is allowed to be angry at the child who hurt her child. She isn't doing anything to that child, she's doing everything she can to make sure her child, the offending (perpetrator) child, and all the other children in her neighborhood are safe.

Let this be her safe place. Just let her vent. And support her.

And daven that you never walk in her shoes.

But don't judge.


I find your post very hurtful. I didn't say anything mean or judgmental. Why are you attacking me?
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Mon, May 27 2024, 7:59 pm
Op just to give you a little chizzuk, this isn't a death sentence or a definite lifelong trauma inducer.

I know some people, closely, that have shared with me that they have been molested as kids. It has zero impact on them today. They are healthy and thriving and living fulfilling lives.

One told me that they hate all the panic and talk about lifelong damage. It invalidates the normalcy they feel. Like, if everyone is insisting there's lifelong trauma then I must be crazy. But they're not. They refuse to subscribe to the victim mentality.

This isn't to discredit those that are affected lifelong and have tremendous trauma. It's just to show you another side, that not everyone that is molested is damaged for life.
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