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Difference between love withdrawal and self preservation?
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amother
Ecru


 

Post Thu, Jun 06 2024, 1:52 pm
It seems extreme to recommend therapy just because a mother doesn't like being hit and walks away so that she remains calm.
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Thu, Jun 06 2024, 1:56 pm
Book recommendations
Running on empty
The nurtured heart approach
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Jun 06 2024, 2:19 pm
amother OP wrote:
I will consider therapy, but do you have tools/resources to recommend that are not so expensive? Like a book?

Also, maybe I should make a s/o, but I'm surprised this isn't considered a normal response to getting hurt. I'm wondering if most mothers here aren't upset at all when their toddlers hurt them? Are you upset if the kid is older?

You sound like a good mother who is trying. I do think its somewhat common for parents to feel upset at the child because many people lack good emotional regulation skills. I wish it was taught in school or something. You could probably learn it on your own look for books on self help dbt. Its great skills for everyone. When a toddler is acting out it isnt personal so to take it personally is the problem. It does get harder as they get older because it feels more personal. When we can remind ourselves they r a teenager feeling vulnerable and that why they just did whatever we are actually better able to deal. But as I said this does get harder as they get older that’s why I think it’s important to learn these skills now when your kid is still young
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amother
Peru


 

Post Thu, Jun 06 2024, 2:50 pm
I am no expert on this topic, so take or leave my comments.

I think leaving the room could be ok, depending on your mindset and why you are leaving the room, but it shouldn't be the go to. Meaning if you are leaving to punish him or withdraw your love because you are angry that he hurt you (I.e. taking it personally) - than that is not okay. If you are leaving to teach him a natural consequence or just to have some space to be able to act calmly, then I think that is ok. With that being said, I would continue to read parenting books on ways to deal with these outbursts so that you have more tools in your belt than just leaving the room. You might have to do a trial and error until you figure out what works for both of you in a consistent/firm but loving way.

I agree with other posters, try remembering that he behavior is not personal, but rather that this is how he is communicating his emotions because he doesn't have better tools yet. You should also consider working with him at calm times acting out better ways to communicate his frustration.
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amother
Poinsettia


 

Post Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:31 pm
Who is the author of the second book? I wasn't able to find it

amother Firebrick wrote:
Book recommendations
Running on empty
The nurtured heart approach
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