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Sleep training and forcing phone calls
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Do you sleep train and force phone calls to grandparents
I do both  
 3%  [ 5 ]
I only sleep train  
 28%  [ 46 ]
I only force calls to grandparents  
 7%  [ 12 ]
I do neither  
 61%  [ 100 ]
Total Votes : 163



amother
Salmon


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 5:57 am
Haven't read the whole thread but it seems to me, OP, that you've had bad experiences as a youngster being forced to speak to grandparents and you are sad that all those vocal "children/babies have feelings" people were not around to defend you and spare you from that experience.

If I'm off, I apologize for my misassumption.
If I'm right, I'm sorry for what you've been through and send hugs.
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NechaMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 8:28 am
I'm a strong believer in toilet training and encouraging kids to say gut Shabbos to their grandparents. Do you think there's a correlation? Also, to say thank you to their bus driver and to wait 6 hours between meat and milk. I hope they won't need therapy one day. They can always look for support on imamother. They might find others who went through the same trauma.
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amother
Lightblue


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 8:35 am
mizle10 wrote:
I'm not crying from calling the grandparents, I'm crying from your attitude!!!!!!!!!!


this exactly!!
your attitude and stance is triggering ppl, not calling grandparents!!
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Trademark




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 8:46 am
amother Daylily wrote:
Does no one have kids with social anxiety? Phone anxiety?
I venture a guess that this is about being more than a little uncomfortable.

In my house it goes like this:
Who wants to say good shabbos to bubby and zaidie?
Not me. Not me. Embarrassed run away.

We do other things like individual voice notes or texts for birthday messages. On Bubbies and Zaidies bdays even when we are not together I buy cake and ice cream and we celebrate.

But I will never force a child to speak if he doesn't feel comfortable. I see it as a child setting a boundary which I want him to know I recognize and consent to.

When I was a child I was sent to run many errands and I hated it. I was shy, I didn't know what to say to people. My mother mocked me for it. Others joined in at how inept I am. To this day I have social anxiety, and making a phone call is very difficult. It can take me a few months to gather the courage to make a dentist appointment. I never ever call my parents, grandparents, inlaws, siblings, or friends. Texting has been my savior. There are only certain people I can call with no anxiety or stuttering.

Children are little people with needs and boundaries that should be respected. They need to be worked with rather than against.


The way I see it is that child who has social anxiety and is shy should be encouraged and pushed in a loving way to do things like errands, after all it's a parent's job to make sure that a child will be able to to function the in the world.

The problem wasn't that you were sent on errands, it was that you were mocked and not understood.
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amother
Copper


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 9:22 am
NechaMom wrote:
I'm a strong believer in toilet training and encouraging kids to say gut Shabbos to their grandparents. Do you think there's a correlation? Also, to say thank you to their bus driver and to wait 6 hours between meat and milk. I hope they won't need therapy one day. They can always look for support on imamother. They might find others who went through the same trauma.

Same here.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 9:45 am
amother Offwhite wrote:
I'll tell you what I couldn't stand. Being forced to hug or kiss grandparents and other relatives. I wouldn't do that to my kids.

But call?!?!?! I don't force. They do it voluntarily. But if they didn't, I would encourage them. It's worth the effort.


Agree. I dont force my kids to hug and kiss relatives.
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amother
Dimgray


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 9:50 am
I offer them opportunities. If they resist I back off. That’s why my kids don’t sleep train till 3 but sleep very well and talk to their difficult grandparents from a place of strength.
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ftm1234




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 9:51 am
The irony of OP calling people triggered when she is obviously most triggered of all lolol
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amother
Vanilla


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 9:53 am
I voted "I only sleep train", but we do a family Zoom 1x a week that my kids are there for.
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Lemonade 2323




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 11:31 am
NechaMom wrote:
I'm a strong believer in toilet training and encouraging kids to say gut Shabbos to their grandparents. Do you think there's a correlation? Also, to say thank you to their bus driver and to wait 6 hours between meat and milk. I hope they won't need therapy one day. They can always look for support on imamother. They might find others who went through the same trauma.


Great post! I enjoy your posts, idk, they are so sensible and on target! Think I'd like to know you irl.
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amother
Cadetblue


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 11:35 am
amother OP wrote:
I’m curious if the people feeling strongly are the same or different people. It seems to be contradictory behavior and it seems a large part here are against sleep training but pro forcing phone calls.


I sleep train, kind of. I've never done CIO if that's what you mean by sleep training, but I don't give in to feeding every hour at 6 months either.

Do I force my kids to phone their grandparents? Never had to. In a regular situation with people who are healthy and have good middos, no force is necesary.
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NechaMom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 12:20 pm
Lemonade 2323 wrote:
Great post! I enjoy your posts, idk, they are so sensible and on target! Think I'd like to know you irl.

Thank you. I'd love to get to know you too. When my kid will be done CIO on the potty while on the phone to bubby.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 1:34 pm
I've had a phase when I was a rebellious teen and I found I had nothing to say, c'v, to my grandparents, on the phone. "It's always the same." Was it beaten into submission? No. Was I made to call with strong insistance and did it often work? Yes. And I wish I was made more strongly.
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amother
Daylily


 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 2:15 pm
Trademark wrote:
The way I see it is that child who has social anxiety and is shy should be encouraged and pushed in a loving way to do things like errands, after all it's a parent's job to make sure that a child will be able to to function the in the world.

The problem wasn't that you were sent on errands, it was that you were mocked and not understood.

I agree 100%. Just the word "force" on this topic is tricky. Encouraged is a much better word.

I have to wonder, if a child is strongly resistant week after week, do people really think it's best to force him?
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Lemonade 2323




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 07 2024, 2:36 pm
NechaMom wrote:
Thank you. I'd love to get to know you too. When my kid will be done CIO on the potty while on the phone to bubby.


Lol yes, it will happen! When you're in 'that' stage, sleep training and potty training it seems like it'll never end, but take it from me, it does!
But don't wait too long after potty training to get them on the phone to Bubby, the good times don't last forever either...
I'm long done with CIO, potty training. bH it's my kids who are doing it now (the true joys of grandparenting!), but their Bubby no longer remembers them. We had many great years with my MIL, Shabbos, Yom Tov, everything really. She was the best guest and my older kids have great memories.

Unfortunately, Dementia robbed her of the ability to remember what she ate yesterday, never mind her grandkids names.

So, get your kids to sleep thru night, out of diapers and on the phone to Bubby! Some of our family members have guilt that they didn't do enough for her (of course they had 'reasons', ones that they regret now), whereas we have only good memories.
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