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Whoever has older children, does it ever get better??
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 4:51 pm
I’m just so exhausted and fed up. I have little kids (4 and under). They’re in school but for after school hours and non school days I just can’t handle them anymore. Usually I would take them out but I’m in my first trimester and feel unable to take them out so I’m mostly in bed and my husbands with them when he’s home. It’s just been crazy. They’re horrible at keeping themselves entertained, and I don’t do a lot of screen time only for traveling or really desperate situations. They just roam around playing here and there but mostly just making a huge mess of the entire house, whining, fighting and needing me to entertain them the entire time for hours otherwise it’s pure chaos. My husband is great but he either does wild play or just goes off to get some house chores done, he doesn’t sit down with them and play for a long period of time. They won’t just sit down and get involved in an activity for more than 2 minutes and then they’re immediately bored again. It’s just non stop chaos and they won’t stop. And sometimes it feels like they’re not happy, I mean why would they be happy if they’re bored at home and their mother is laying on the couch again like a sack of potatoes. Does it ever get better???
I feel like I just can’t anymore.
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amother
Clover


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 4:52 pm
Ages 6-11 it's good 😊
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amother
Tangerine


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 4:54 pm
It really depends on family dynamics. My kids do entertain themselves I have toddlers through teens. But they did start at young ages. I would set up things like half build a duplo house they’d find it and finish it. Or set up a tea party and they’d continue the game. Or set up cars and roads and they’d turn it into a game. You might have to model play if they aren’t doing it on their own.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 4:56 pm
Is taking them out an option? I find kids are much more entertained outdoors than in. I babysat my sister's kids recently (ages 6, 3 1/2, and 2) and I took them to the park as soon as they got antsy indoors.

But yes, they do get busier with their stuff when they get older (unless they are teens that want you to take them shopping, take them to a friend that involves a drive across town, test them for 1000 Ivris words, take them out for icecream, and did I mention take them out?)
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:00 pm
Chayalle wrote:
Is taking them out an option? I find kids are much more entertained outdoors than in. I babysat my sister's kids recently (ages 6, 3 1/2, and 2) and I took them to the park as soon as they got antsy indoors.

But yes, they do get busier with their stuff when they get older (unless they are teens that want you to take them shopping, take them to a friend that involves a drive across town, test them for 1000 Ivris words, take them out for icecream, and did I mention take them out?)


Thanks. It’s not really an option now since I’m not feeling well enough (first trimester) and also because where I live summers are unbearable outdoors.
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amother
Leaf


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:03 pm
My youngest is 15. I'm still exhausted dealing with these amazing kids, B"H, but it's more of an emotional exhaustion than a physical exhaustion these days. If that makes sense.
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amother
Blush


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:06 pm
I agree with above poster I would say ages 5-10 all the little kids stuff gets easier
Ages 11-15 ( that’s all I know of now ) is pure gehinom on Earth
I never in my wildest dreams , would have thought that raising teens is this hard
Granted I also think we didn’t raise our kids right, and made mistakes & didn’t put them on the right derech & now we are paying the price so to speak
Advice for younger parents : Most right wing hashakafs, most right wing schools , minimum internet as possible, no social media .
Watch who their friends are .
Everything out there is a huge huge challenge in how your kids will be influenced
Lesson learned !
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:06 pm
I don’t thinks its just about your kids being little. It sounds like your having a difficult pregnancy ! It definitely gets physically easier as they get older (and after your baby’s born) maybe u can hire a mothers helper now for the summer to help take the kids out for a bit
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:09 pm
amother Blush wrote:
I agree with above poster I would say ages 5-10 all the little kids stuff gets easier
Ages 11-15 ( that’s all I know of now ) is pure gehinom on Earth
I never in my wildest dreams , would have thought that raising teens is this hard
Granted I also think we didn’t raise our kids right, and made mistakes & didn’t put them on the right derech & now we are paying the price so to speak
Advice for younger parents : Most right wing hashakafs, most right wing schools , minimum internet as possible, no social media .
Watch who their friends are .
Everything out there is a huge huge challenge in how your kids will be influenced
Lesson learned !

So you’re saying that you’re dealing more with the challenges they’re having with outside influences, etc.?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:11 pm
amother Cobalt wrote:
I don’t thinks its just about your kids being little. It sounds like you’re having a difficult pregnancy ! It definitely gets physically easier as they get older (and after your baby’s born) maybe u can hire a mothers helper now for the summer to help take the kids out for a bit

Thanks. Yeah that’s part of it because I don’t have the energy to put into them right now and I’m leaving them to fend for themselves at home, not totally just entertainment wise. I see other people letting their little kids just hang around the house playing and it seems to go fine, but for me it doesn’t.
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:15 pm
My kids are 3-13 and it’s very manageable. They are not easy kids but they are good kids who I enjoy spending time with. The first three are boys so the teen years coincide with not being home as much but I like this stage much more.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:22 pm
I'll be the voice of dissent about teens. My oldest is a teen and my youngest is a toddler, and I still think toddlers are harder. It does get easier as they get older (say, 5+) yes, more emotional challenges BUT I find myself able to deal with them davka because there are fewer physical challenges to deal with. I also in general just enjoy older kids more than younger kids, so yes, even teens doing exasperating teen things are easier for me than having to be constantly on top of and entertaining little ones.
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amother
Indigo


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:24 pm
I think many if not most kids those ages need some facilitation for play. Can you sit and play sedentary games or read with them? If not then many resort to screen time.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:36 pm
Short answer: yes it does, eventually.
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:43 pm
It definitely gets easier. Toddlers are boring. As they get older they become progressively more interesting to engage with. Eventually you can even enjoy playing games with them & having interesting conversations.
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amother
Quince


 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 5:45 pm
It completely depends on kids' personalities and stages. And also on their parents' energy levels. I find that my young kids can feel when I'm not at my best, and it makes them act out more.

The hardest period in my life when when my oldest three were all under age 4. But my oldest was a HARD kid. And my second was easier once he got older but his terrible twos were HARD. So having both of them and a baby was just really tough.

My current little ones -- baby and toddler -- have a different temperment. They're just laidback and easygoing most of the time. Not the way I parented them, just the way they're born. And my older kids, who are now teens, are at a relatively easy stage, even the ones who were SO hard back then. My hardest right now, and the one I have to focus on the most in terms of my parenting, is actually between the two groups -- not little, but not a teen yet either. Things will change.

To me, it sounds like your kids may not necessarily be so hard. Your pregnancy is so hard. And your kids are feeling it. There's not much you can do about it other than cut any corners that haven't already been cut, take any help from others that is at all available, and remember that gam zeh yaavor...which isn't so helpful at this point, I know...
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giftedmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 6:17 pm
If you keep having babies every year then you may be in this stage for another 20 years depending on how helpful your older ones will be. You need to really think through what you can handle.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 6:38 pm
amother Khaki wrote:
It definitely gets easier. Toddlers are boring. As they get older they become progressively more interesting to engage with. Eventually you can even enjoy playing games with them & having interesting conversations.


And I think alot depends on your personality.

My 2 year old nephew and my 3 year old niece are fascinating little people. I can play with them for hours. (yes, I've done overnights). They always have such interesting POVs.
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oneofakind




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 6:45 pm
Can you set up a little pool for them or even play in the bathtub?
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mamabird73




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jun 09 2024, 6:49 pm
I am officially out of the "littles" stage-(my youngest is turning 8 soon) and YES it definitely does get easier! Hang in there, this stage of life is exhausting. Especially when you're in first trimester. Sending you hugs and loads of koach!
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