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2 parenting issues that are draining me



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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:18 am
I have two issues that are completely draining and overwhelming. As my kids get older it's getting worse not better and I need serious help.

1) bedtime. My kids bother each other and fight and keep each other up for hours. I am exhausted because I can't get to sleep at a normal time and I don't have any peace/alone time at night.
2) cleaning up. My kids do not clean up after themselves. If I harass them they do it but they just leave messes everywhere. We have a large house and everywhere I go is mess. I cannot physically be on top of all of them and all the places all the time.

Here are some additional facts.
- most of my children have ADHD and/or are on the ASD spectrum.
- I have ADHD and struggle big time with consistency. My inability to stick to anything/be consistent is making all of this much harder. I am literally doing my best and drowning.
- My husband is not a help at all. He has ASD and anxiety. His method for life is avoidance.
- Our bedroom is on the main floor and the kids bedrooms are on the second floor.
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justforfun87




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:41 am
My kids do not have these challenges and I was going to write the same post. I absolutely do not know how to get on top of the lack of cleaning from the kids and the night time routine. My 18 month old goes to bed past 9 most nights, it's ridiculous!
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amother
Zinnia


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:48 am
I really relate to a lot of this. I'm also ADHD and my house is always a wreck. I'm too inconsistent to ever create lasting change.

That being said over the years I figured out a few things that make things somewhat easier.

My favorite bedtime hacks:

I make a playlist of stories, Shema, and educational recordings for the kids to listen to in bed. That usually (not always) keeps them occupied and quiet.

Putting water bottles and a bowl of apples in the room stops the "I'm hungry I'm thirsty."

Dimming the lights in the main parts of the house naturally gets the kids up to their rooms.

For cleaning up:

I find that cleaning before is easier than cleaning after. So we clear the table before supper, not necessarily afterwards.

I also like to do (not every night, I'm not that disciplined) a 5 minute cleanup, literally on the timer. It only works if I do it with them. They complain the whole time. I tell them to find something easy and pick it up and put it away. I have to spend the whole time encouraging and pointing out the easy stuff (do you see that shoe? can you put that block back in the toy box?) but it makes a big difference to the main living area and is a good skill for the kids.

At night I will also sometimes do a "your age" pickup, so I go to the kids bedroom and the 6 year old has to find 6 things to put away (6 pieces of garbage, or of laundry, or whatever else is on the floor), the 3yo has to find 3 things to put away. Again it doesn't fix the room but it is a real improvement and a good skill.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:52 am
I do those things at bedtime but once the stories are over they are back up and out of bed and bothering their siblings. A huge issue is that they take a very long time to actually fall asleep. Bedtime routine doesn't end with them falling asleep. Its just a nice relaxing time for them.

I do need to be better about making the. Clean up, it's just so draining to deal with all the push back each time. It really only works when I catch them in the moment making the mess.
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amother
DarkRed


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:52 am
My kids are neurotypical and so am I and my husband.

I still could have written this post.

Everywhere is a mess. Everyone is a collector and budding hoarder. Everyone fights with everyone. Except me and my husband. We pass out on the couch from exhaustion.

Its just so hard. Im actually tearing up writing this and reading your post. I dream of organized cabinets, clear counters, crumb free floors, pee free toilet seats...
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amother
Zinnia


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:53 am
My nighttime playlist is 5 hours long! They are meant to fall asleep in the middle.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:56 am
What ages are your kids

When my kids were little I kept a laundry basket in the living room
Everything out of place went in the laundry basket.
Then at least he end of the night the laundry basket went upstairs and the kids had 15minutes to return everything to its proper place.
At least the living room was tidy.
The rest of the house not so much
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amother
Seablue


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:59 am
Melatonin and cleaning help.

'Nuff said
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 12:51 pm
Melatonin gives my kids night terrors.
I have as much cleaning help as I can afford.

My kids are 12, 10, 8, 4.
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amother
Red


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 1:41 pm
My pediatric psychiatrist sometimes prescribes clonidine as a nighttime ADHD med for kids with ADHD who have ADHD-related trouble falling asleep. He prefers that to melatonin. Maybe something to look into?
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Mamushka




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 1:48 pm
Can you put the 4 year old to bed before the older ones?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 2:53 pm
The 4 year old is my best sleeper. He goes to bed first and only takes an hour. Sometimes he wakes up from him siblings Crying but he goes tonsleep the best.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 3:46 pm
You can't make kids sleep.

But maybe can get them to stay in their room.

I like the water bottle and apple idea.

I like the Playlist idea.

Make strict consequences for coming out.

Ignore all talking and fighting., just make them stay in their room.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 3:48 pm
Another idea is to put them to sleep in separate rooms if possible.

Maybe put one little one in your room

And one little one in guest room.

And transfer them after they are asleep
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amother
Diamond


 

Post Mon, Jun 10 2024, 4:31 pm
When my kids were little I made this cute system to keep them in bed. It sounds counterproductive but worked great. I told them they have 3 chances to come down from bed after bedtime. They can choose to use them up or they can save some for the next night. Once I gave them this option and the choice to stay in bed or not was theirs, they decided to save their 3 chances for the next night. The next night the same thing happened, and the next They compiled so many chances to come down from bed that they ended up not coming down at all and learned to stay in bed.Smile
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