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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
How to stop my 14 yr old son from asking the same question
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Post Tue, Jun 11 2024, 12:40 pm
mom of 8 wrote:
I would repeat once and ask him to repeat back to you what you said so that you know that he heard

This is what I was going to suggest. Getting them to pause and recall the answer can often help. Then when he asks again to again get him to repeat the answer.
It's possible he's 'stuck' and he can't move past this question, so he needs you to help him move past it.
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Post Tue, Jun 11 2024, 5:21 pm
amother Amethyst wrote:
Can't believe we are trying to diagnose her son from hearing one example 🙄

Can't believe anyone would interpret a simple question to ask if this is relevant as "trying to diagnose". 🙄🙄🙄🙄
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Post Wed, Jun 12 2024, 5:44 pm
My dd age 11 is like this, drives me.nuts. In her case, she has ADHD and it is part of her impulsiveness. She literally can't wait to hear a yes (whether I previously said no, or maybe, or I don't know yet - answer or no answer, she can't wait until she knows she got a yes). Also related to her ADHD, sometimes she asks a question and then is too distracted to hear my answer. I'm not implying that your kid has ADHD, but all kids can have issues with impulsiveness, lack of patience, or distraction/inattention. So maybe it will help.

Either way, dd knows she can wear people down if she asks enough times - some of the adults jn her life will just say yes to get her to stop asking or will slip and say yes because she asks when they aren't paying close attention. So you have to be consistent every single time that you won't answer the same question over and over and make sure the other adults know too (e.g. your kid's father). This will reduce it.

With dd, I have also talked to her when it isn't happening just so she understands that it is frustrating for the person on the other end of the question. We have this as a short conversation once every few weeks so it will sink in. It helps, because sometimes I remind her in the moment and she can stop herself, though not always. But even having that self control once in a while is good practice and hopefully will increase.

In the moment of her asking a question, if I have already answered her, I say 'I already answered you, do you remember my answer?' If she remembers, then fine. If not, I tell her I will answer only one more time so she should please look me in the eye and focus on my answer and repeat it back to me.

However, if I haven't answered or if she wants a different answer, I explain andgive her a natural consequence - I can't answer right now, we can talk about it later. For every time you ask again, I will give you an answer x amount of time later because your question is making what im doing take longer. For example, I'm in the middle of trying to feed the baby and while you asked me again, the baby dumped her food off her tray and I have to make her a new plate, so that is 15 more minutes later than when I would have told you originally, because I have to spend more time focusing on dinnertime before I can think about how I want answer. And then I give a warning - if you ask again before I am ready to give you answer (you can make a pre-set time period or just say they have to wait until later), then I will give you an immediate decision and it will be a no because that is the answer I can give right now. And if you say no and they keep asking, I give another warning - if you keep asking, I will automatically say no the next time im the future you want this or soemthing related, and also for future times equal to each time you ask (I.e., if he asks 3 times for chocolate after you said no, then no chocolate for the next 3 days on which he asks, and explain that clearly) up front. And then you have to follow through. Every time.

Knowing that asking more makes me take longer to answer, and that asking again will get an immediate no, and continual asking after that will result in a no the next few times, has drastically reduced the repeated questions.
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