keeping a job | Imamother

amother

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 6:33 am

A friend of mine has just lost her job. Her husband works so they do not really count on her income, but it is more for extras, to get out of the house, and for her self worth. She is actually good at what she does. Over the last ten years or so she has worked for about five different places, with years in between not working. She can't seem to keep a job for any length of time. She works in offices, but with quite responsible positions. The trouble always seems to be having it out with someone in the office she does not get along with. Problem usually is that she thinks the other person is in the wrong and she is right. Often, she is probably right, but it costs her her job. Anyone else experiencing this in the workplace? How do you make sure that interpersonal relations don't interfere with your work? In this case, this stubborness on being "right" has spilled out onto her other relationships as well. What would you suggest?

amother

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 9:31 am

Some people find it very important to be right all the time. These people lose out on a lot. It's up to them, themselves, to decide whether it's better to be right and alone or to "give in" and stay in the game. It's the same as shalom bayis: of course both spouses like to be right but they also like SB - they decide what's more important and give up on the thing that means less.

amother

Sun, Aug 31 2008, 1:47 pm

If she can mekabel it, I agree , communicate the importance of being smart rather than right...or being part of a team rather than right.

A mashpia once told us (in the context of a shalom bayis shiur and conflicts), "you're right? so what?" (ie. there's more to marriage and getting along than being "right")

No other ideas other than davenning. My mother sees being right as her life's work. She can't get work, keep work, or get ahead. If the office isn't doing X her way, it's almost impossible to work with her. why? bc doing X her way is the most efficient, cost effective, and best way to do it. Their way(s) is totally the opposite, so even if Mr. Boss decides to do it their way...well, my mom still wants to run the show by getting it done HER way. Also, no one in the family talks to her except me, and she has no significant other to speak of. (not frum) why? bc she has to be "right. "

My FIL is rather similar, he just has more money and has lucked out in his field bc he keeps getting work....so somehow he keeps finding new wives (yes, I said wives. he's on #3). Still can't figure out why his kids can't stand him, or why he's on wife #3....and has been requested to resign from over 25 positions in his 35 yr career.

So, worst case, this friend is like my mom and FIL and only davenning will help. but likely she is a little more normal (well, she has friends, so that's a big start), and iyh she can get some better skills for getting along in the workplace. There's lots of literature on getting along with difficult people, even Torah based sources, and good habits in the workplace.