doesn't talk only in school

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Doesn't talk only in school

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yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 11:12 am

When we first came here, she didn't talk because she didn't know the language, but now b"h, she knows it fluently. The teacher has mentioned it to us, that she doesn't talk to her or the girls in the class. I thought it wasn't such a big deal because she's doing fine in school, b"h and does have friends. She talks to them, but not in class, or so we're told. I asked her why, and she shrugged her shoulders and said, I don't know. Typical answer!

I wouldn't make such a big deal about it, but she sees the psychologist or whatever the woman is called, in school. My husband went to talk to her today and told us all this. We knew it beforehand, but not that she was seeing someone. She said that the way she communicates with the teacher is by writing her letters. I said, that's good, because she's writing (she doesn't like writing) and she's communicating. Also, the teacher started recently taking her out by herself to talk to her and they said, they see an improvement because of that. The "shrink" also said, that she thinks she's acting like this because she thinks that since we're leaving Cheers

, she doesn't have to talk. We don't have a set date at all yet. It's just talk now. I disagree with that completely.

She said that maybe she should see some outside help just to talk about her issues. I think it's a problem that she doesn't talk in school, but I don't think she has a problem, because it's only in school. There are times, that someone says something to her and she'll just look at them and smile, but I say that's just her being shy (and annoying).

What do you think? I really wanted to put this as amother because I don't like telling pple about other pple's problems, but then I wouldn't be able to get my whole point across.

Seraph

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 11:30 am

selective mutism?

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 11:37 am

Seraph wrote:

selective mutism?

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 11:38 am

What I was really asking, was do you think that this is a problem, not a diagnosis.

HindaRochel

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 11:48 am

yo'ma wrote:

Seraph wrote:

selective mutism?

I'm not sure why you say "NO" so emphatically as your description is the classic example of selective mutism, however:

Yes if she stays in school (and is going to stay here in Israel) it will be a problem. If you homeschool her as we do it won't.
I finally took my older daughter out for that reason-she rarely talked outside the house period; she is getting better.

If she is to stay in a classroom environment you, she and the teachers need to work on ways to get her to talk.
The school system is "group-think" in nature; I doubt if she'll be treated poorly, but she may find herself on the sidelines.

hila

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 12:05 pm

Yes. It is a problem and will become moer so as she gets older. Something is holdingher back fom talking.

Hopefully the psychologist is an expert on slective mutism. That is not a permanent condition, it just describes what she is going through right now. She slects when to be muts.
It is common especially among bnilingual children ( or where the schol language is not ther first language)

And it needs to be dealt with - wheter you are leaving or not.

Does she talk to friends in play time ? At home ? in the street ?

Please - find an expert and help her to release the fear of talking (if that is what it is).

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 12:11 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

yo'ma wrote:

Seraph wrote:

selective mutism?

I'm not sure why you say "NO" so emphatically as your description is the classic example of selective mutism, however:
(and is going to stay here in Israel)

I'm not in Israel.
What exactly is selective mutism?

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 12:13 pm

hila wrote:

Does she talk to friends in play time ? At home ? in the street ?

I don't know about recess, but yes to everything else. She has lots of friends, all from school. She comes home and doesn't get off the phone, talking to her classmates. I know she talks at her friends parties.

hila

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 12:18 pm

from one site....

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders selective mutism is described as a rare psychological disorder in children. Children (and adults) with the disorder are fully capable of speech and understanding language, but can fail to speak in certain social situations when it is expected of them. It ranges in presentation from a reluctance to speak in certain situations to physical and social ‘frozen’ unresponsiveness. They function normally in other areas of behaviour and learning, though appear severely withdrawn and some are unable to participate in group activities. As an example, a child may be completely silent at school, for years at a time, but speak quite freely or even excessively at home.

It is treatable. I have a fried whospecalises in it in kindergarten and priomary school kids.

And it is not so rare here in Israel. Maybe because it occurs a lot with bilingual kids.

mumsy23

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 12:22 pm

Selective Mutism is exactly what it sounds like. For whatever reason, a child will choose one or more situations where they refuse to talk. It almost always has a psychological root and should definitely be dealt with before it goes on for too long.

It is a problem. A child needs to talk in order to access the curriculum to the fullest extent. I understand she is doing well in school, but one needs to be able to ask questions, discuss be actively involved in class to get the most out of it. There is always a reason behind selective mutism, and even if you disagree and do not think it is a problem to not talk in school, the reason behind the mutism should still be addressed.

I went to school with two girls who never spoke in school. It was not fine, even though the girls had friends that they spoke to outside of school, they were still viewed as 'weird' by their peers. They were not included in school or social activities the same as the rest of the girls and in general they stood out. I don't think you should brush this off- it needs to be addressed.

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 1:55 pm

Thank you for all your responses. I guess I didn't really know enough about it and I will take it more seriously.

HindaRochel

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 2:02 pm

yo'ma wrote:

Thank you for all your responses. I guess I didn't really know enough about it and I will take it more seriously.

Sorry for thinking you were in Israel; not sure what made me think that!
Anyway, good luck finding treatment. I know many will disagree with our choice to take our daughter out of school rather than treat the disease, and let time take care of things, but it is working for us.
We also accept that she may not ever be a social butterfly.

But you need to find what works for you.

Good luck.

gryp

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 2:19 pm

Welcome to the selective-mute club. Smile

BH, we helped my son outgrow it. Check out www.selective-mutism.org. It's a great resource.
And remember, the more you try and get the child to talk, the firmer his/her resolve not to will be.

mumsy23

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 2:24 pm

GR, I think you meant www.selective-mutism.com the link you gave just takes you to a bunch of ads.

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 2:25 pm

GR wrote:

Welcome to the selective-mute club. Smile

BH, we helped my son outgrow it. Check out www.selective-mutism.org. It's a great resource.
And remember, the more you try and get the child to talk, the firmer his/her resolve not to will be.

I clicked on the link and couldn't find anything useful.

gryp

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 2:28 pm

mumsy23 wrote:

GR, I think you meant www.selective-mutism.com the link you gave just takes you to a bunch of ads.

Hmm, maybe I did. Thanks.
(I wonder if they changed because I do remember it being .org Confused

)

yo'ma

Mon, Sep 01 2008, 2:30 pm

GR wrote:

mumsy23 wrote:

GR, I think you meant www.selective-mutism.com the link you gave just takes you to a bunch of ads.

Hmm, maybe I did. Thanks.
(I wonder if they changed because I do remember it being .org Confused

)

thank you both, got it!!

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