"Different" Children - don't let it come to this !

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 8:04 pm

let me just say some of this yes was a little far fetched but deff not the yamaka part. I have a brother in this kind of really bad situation right now not wanting to be Jewish and all. it starts with a different yamka and my mother went ballistic it has to be black velvet . she has to make a big deal she made a big deal of black hat proper dress in her eyes all that stuff and it totally through my brother off. now she would never throw him out she dose not want to lose him so she treats him like the king of the world and pretends hes not drinking and doing drugs all night. bec he sit around doing insistent things till all ours of the night. Rolling Eyes

but in the end the only person that is being hurt is these kids. parents ignore them for the sake of keeping it hush hush and in the end sometimes it gets so bad they get throne out. most times acting out like this its a cry for help. but parents ignore it maybe it will go away on it own or whatever you cant be stupid thing happen bad thing and there are a lot of teenage Jewish kids out there with no one bec no one care to deal with it if your child has a problum help them don't ignore it and don't give up on them.

flowerpower

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 8:16 pm

You cannot judge anyone until you are in thier shoes. As an outsider it's easy to say "never..." but you never know what goes on in the inside. Perhaps this boys dressing different wasn't the only thing, he could've brought drugs into the house, had his younger siblings try it, blast the tv on shabbos, go joyriding in the fathers car 3 am shabbos morning....Of course it's extremely sad. Parents of at risk children must have tons of patience and guidance from the right people to know exactly how to deal with it. It's a very very hard situation. I know two stories that b"h had a happy ending after years and years of pain.

ChavieK

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 9:23 pm

This video made its point. Look how much thought (I hope) & discussion. However, imho it brought it about very poorly & very offensively. They didn't want to show "bad things explicitly" so they only "hinted" to it. By showing a different kipa????? That is supposed to represent other "worse" offenses? What pure sinas chinum!! BTW I know a chasidish family, & other yeshivish families, whose kids were going otd. They all love their children, but set down the rule that while they are in the parents homes they must show proper respect. A kipa of any sort will do. No being mechalel shabbos, no treif etc. The chasidish parents let him bring in a tv, but only behind the closed door, & not on shabbos. Know what the other kids learned? That mommy & daddy love them no matter what , & that kids have to be respectful of parents no matter what. Breaking the rules means the teen chooses to leave.

gryp

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 9:41 pm

Add me to the group that says "You never know."
I think it's the saddest thing in the world to watch someone you love do an out-of-control downwards spiral to rock-bottom. There's really nothing you can do about it except fasten your own seatbelt and pray.
Hashem answered my prayers 4 times over.

The point is not the kipah serugah but that the teen has started slipping.

ChavieK

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 10:13 pm

Slipping to what? a kipah sruga? Oh the nightmares I may have if my child wears a diff kipah than dh!! If they wanted to emphasize the slipping they should have had more of the drinking,witha velvet kipa please, they put that illegal activity in there anyway.

Mrs. XYZ

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 10:24 pm

ChavieK wrote:

oh whats the difference? Yes, to a chassidish family wearing a kippa sruga is a major slip. Maybe not OTD yet, but on his way there.

I still think the main point of the video was to stress to parents to show these kids love. However the parents decide to deal with the situation, even if includes sending out of the house, it should be done with love. Which this father did not.

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 10:40 pm

anon wrote:

. A boy once told me that he laughs when parents get upset that their sons have started wearing jeans because they don't realize that their sons wearing jeans is an indicator that they're also smoking pot or worse.

My son bought himself a pair of jeans and wore them during summer vacation. Are you saying I can be sure he is doing worse stuff? You really are getting me worried. I have no other reason to worry other than what you say here.

Also, I could not bring myself to watch the video, though I did read most of the thread. Can someone please explain something. The picture where you start the video looked like a woman sick in the hospital with a tehillim. From the discussion is sounded like a teenage boy was sick.

Mrs. XYZ

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 10:51 pm

Quote:

Also, I could not bring myself to watch the video, though I did read most of the thread. Can someone please explain something. The picture where you start the video looked like a woman sick in the hospital with a tehillim. From the discussion is sounded like a teenage boy was sick.

It is a boy. I also thought at first that it looked like a woman, I guess because of the headcovering.

amother

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 10:53 pm

Mrs. XYZ wrote:

Quote:

It is a boy. I also thought at first that it looked like a woman, I guess because of the headcovering.

Thank you.

flowerpower

Mon, Sep 08 2008, 11:16 pm

A mother once told me that she went to a baal mekubal and he told her that her son is still wearing the right garments and not totaly off all because of the tons and tons of patience the parents have towards that child. He was at risk for being at risk. Many parents do not know how to deal with it the right way. It's sad.

amother

Tue, Sep 09 2008, 1:21 am

It's not always or only the parents. I still remember clearly arguing with a rosh yeshiva who wanted to send my son home as punishment because his black pants were cotton and not polyester.

(OTOH, he was right that it showed that ds had little regard for yeshiva life, since I see that now that he's studying to be a lawyer, he dresses like they wanted him to dress then in yeshiva. But, he did stay in yeshiva 3 more years after that discussion with his rosh yehiva, who did relent at the time, and is still shomer shabbos with a kipa on.)

Tamiri

Tue, Sep 09 2008, 6:11 am

I thought it would be a film about a boy OTD who beat up his mother, based on what the patient looked like.
I am glad they portrayed the family as living in a home with a fabulous kitchen. Can't have it any other way now, can we.

ChossidMom

Tue, Sep 09 2008, 6:34 am

Tamiri wrote:

Don't all American homes have fab kitchens?

ChossidMom

Tue, Sep 09 2008, 6:38 am

Tamiri wrote:

Only the שווה ones. It's what the neighbors see. Problems (like the OTD kid) we don't WANT them to see, we simply toss.

NOT FAIR. They may have portrayed that father as "tossing" his son but I wouldn't judge people too quickly. And may you never have to walk in their shoes!

Tamiri

Tue, Sep 09 2008, 6:40 am

There was too much missing in the film yet that fabulous kitchen showed up. It bothers me. Why did we have to see a fabulous kitchen is this film? What was the point (and there SHOULD be a point to everything in a film such as this).