Question for those out of tristate area

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 3:18 pm

We live in lakewood and my husband would love to move. Besides for the obvious gashmius like restaurants, clothing stores and mansions...there is also a huge issue of everyone needing to be like everyone else. Everyone has to keep up with each other, the standards are crazy high and housing completely unaffordable.

My question is-
How is it in your community?
What is the peer pressure like?
Is needing to follow the cohens and schwartz an intown issue or is it like that everywhere?
Will my kids really not ask for certain clothes or gadgets or backpack etc

Our kids aren't old enough yet to have peer pressure or need a certain brand or item.
I see very often on here questions about what's in style. Like for backpack or coat for a little kid. Like does a 5 year old feel peer pressure to need a certain brand already?
Is this a lakewood thing? Or is it like that everywhere?

amother

Wandflower

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 3:28 pm

Honestly it doesn’t represent all of Lakewood. There are plenty of simple low key schools where everyone does their own thing as well as many neighborhoods that live like that too. I moved here recently and spent a long time looking into many communities. I have oot friends calling to ask me what styles they should wear based on what’s in, and I have no idea because we don’t follow the trends. It’s a personality that either you have or don’t have. If you do have a need to keep up with your neighbors you’ll have the issue wherever you move.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 3:34 pm

amother Wandflower wrote:

Thats what ive been telling my husband.
We don't have the personality to need to be like everyone else. My husband says our kids may feel differently when they're in school.
Where area did you end up moving?

mha3484

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 3:38 pm

I live OOT in a semi urban area (Chicago) there are two things that I think keep the peer pressure down.

1) I would say probably 75% of families live within a very similar range of sq footage because we are a city and there is only so much space. There are tear downs and big extensions sure but your not getting large acreage to build huge houses on here for the average family.

2) I think we are a lot more mixed here since we don't have a development culture. I am 40 but my oldest is a 13 year old so I straddle multiple social groups. But its easy because we all live together. Someone on here with a similar situation asked where she should move with people her age or her kids age. The more you self segregate I think the more you feel you need to be like everyone else.

Please don't get me wrong, I don't live in a utopia. My 7 year old wanted a 24/6 because a classmate has one. My kids ask for plenty of stuff I cant or wont buy but I feel like its not over the top in your face. Just average.

amother

Geranium

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 4:49 pm

This has a lot less to do with where you live than you think. Some kids are just "gimme" kids no matter where you are and what you do. I have one like that. And he's the only one in my family like that, he's not getting it from us, nor from our community. Being confident in your choices as a parent is the surest way to keep it in check.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Aug 08 2024, 5:51 pm

I live in LA. You would think it is super gashmiyus oriented but from what I see on imamother and from friends who live/lived in lakewood- we are way way less.
Yes, some people in some shuls look at you funny if you aren't using an uppababy and use a snap n go. But this isn't everyone or even a majority. There is definitely a wide range and even people in those shuls don't all have to wear the same coat, same 3 brands of shoes, get the same graduation gifts, same brands of backpacks...

My kids wear all sorts of styles. It's what they like. For the first time my son asked me for "a different type of pants". He is in middle school. And when I asked him, he just didn't want to wear his old uniform pants to camp. But what exact pants he got it didn't matter. I got him random brand pants, not adidas Tiros. Totally fine, no one teased him and he was happy.

Kids wear backpacks from so many brands. Most seem to get landsend during their sales in the summer so like $20 backpacks that last.

Babies don't need $100 stretchies here. Definitely OK to not wear frum baby store items like that thread about "how dare they give me carters" spoke about. When I had my first I got from a few families adorable carter's clothing. One gave me something from Marshall's/ TJ Maxx type store. Totally normal and OK.

Shoes? I haven't found specific styles that are "musts". Honestly? Some kids wear sneakers to shul. Some wear what Lakewood kids wear to school. It is a huge range. Huge.
(Oddly enough the ones wearing "lakewood in style" are the kollel couples. They have to have matching blankets for their newborns, expensive stretchies... the other moms do carter's or target.)