Overheard teacher say something distaseful

amother

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 1:10 am

While waiting in line, I overheard my daughter's morah say (to another lady) "My little shimon will be in class with your little levy this year. Isn't that great! You know, that's the best class, only kollel families are in it... (she proceeds to name them)...I'm so glad our kids will be in that environment..."
Now the teacher knew I was standing right in front of them. I don't have a child in that grade, but I know it is not divided along hashkafic lines. The classes are divided by age. Their kids are born the same month. Besides being ignorant, I found the comment offensive.

My husband and I are BT. He works and only learns at night. I don't think that makes us inferior school mates. It's not hard to find a school where most families are in learning.

Our family strives to care about middos and chesed. My kids are, be"h, bright. I work with them on kindness and sensitivity. We aren't especially fashionable, and I don't make my 3 year old wear tights.

This lady has said many really (unintentionally) gross things over the years (always with a smile!).

My daughter, B"H, is very special in many ways. If I'm being really honest, I realize that my daughter will survive a year of backhanded compliments and judgmental undermining. I'm really afraid for me. I've spent years avoiding this lady, now I have to make a good impression??

So, my daughter's ok, but what about me??

amother

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 2:27 am

amother wrote:

And then ppl want to know why ppl have hesitations about kollel... b/c as much as the husbands learn.. they need to put Torah into action and into their middos..... shock

GAMZu

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 9:08 am

Tactless people aren't a reflection on Kollel life.
As you said, the teacher has said many such gems with a smile on her face- seems the woman is a bit uh....

Not that there aren't any problems in the Kollel world, but this is not indicative of this.
For all you know, her husband might be shaking his head in shame every time she opens her mouth and sprouts forth these pearls.

Emee

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 9:39 am

Is it possible she just meant that with kollel families you have certain assurances. I mean I' don't knwo where you live but where I live in BY I think they do in fact put all the kollel kids together etc. I don't think it is horrible. If I sent to BY I woudl also want my kids int he kolle class despite the fact that y husband is working because on a surface level I think I woudl have less issues of dealing with families who have TV etc.

Fox

Thu, Sep 11 2008, 1:18 pm

Emee wrote:

Oh, my! I don't think we want to go down this road, do we? DH learned in kollel for nine years, so even though he is now remunerated financially rather than spiritually for much of his time, I am obviously a supporter of kollel life. That said, I am reluctant to make generalizations about the presence or absence of TVs or other impediments to a full Torah life within "kollel" families versus "working" families.

Let's face it: we can all probably think of kollel families whose values and behavior would serve only as a bad example to our kids. At the same time, most of us know "working" families whom we would be lucky to have our kids emulate. While learning in kollel is an easy litmus test to use in declaring people the "right kind" or "not our kind, dear", the Torah requires us to dig a bit deeper to determine the emes regarding the people with whom we surround ourselves.

Teachers are human beings, and there are some who are every bit as shallow and immature as the silliest teenager. Just keep in mind that your child's experience of this woman may be different from your own. Some of the teachers whom I found personally distasteful were not only effective with my kids, but very beloved.

amother

Mon, Sep 15 2008, 3:02 pm

Emee wrote:

op amother here.

I think this is what she meant. I just thought she shouldn't have said it in public. I was standing in front of her in line! She knew I was there. It was just clueless and rude.

The problem is that she has certain feelings about my daughter and I'm afraid that she will be similarly rude in letting my daughter know them. I'm davenning that it will be ok.

amother

Mon, Sep 15 2008, 3:32 pm

Fox wrote:

Emee wrote:

op amother here:
I'm with you totally

bubby

Mon, Sep 15 2008, 10:16 pm

I heard something very similar when I was teaching by another teacher to the rest of us. I was disgusted then & I'm still bothered by it. as you can imagine, I said something & it wasn't pareve either! This snobbish hypocrisy...do they think the Dinim don't apply to them?

I'd look for another school after I've confronted (nicely & politely!) the Hanhala, if you don't like their answers. Your children deserve better!!