Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section
Creative Solutions to the Expensive Wedding Crisis
Previous  1  2  3  4  5  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h



Would you make a wedding like this?
Yes!  
 9%  [ 7 ]
No way  
 84%  [ 62 ]
Ummm maybe  
 5%  [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 73



imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 12:58 am
amother Jean wrote:
I feel like my non-Jewish and not-religious friends/family resent destination weddings. Unless you pay for everyone you're still asking close friends and family to shell out a lot for flights, hotel, food beyond the wedding. They have to take off work, arrange childcare for longer than a night, etc. The couple often gets a deal or free accomodations for bringing all the business to the resort but it's on the backs of their loved ones paying for rooms.


The fact that weddings are rare offsets the expense. If it were every week, it wouldn’t be doable
Back to top

amother
Fern  


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:05 am
A few ideas I have thought of:

The chuppah itself is held in a shul. Invite as many people as you like. Dinner is at a small hall, at home, or at a restaurant, just for family.

Or:

Potluck style event, every guest signs up to bring something for the meal. I'm not sure where that could be held, though. Maybe like a community center?

Either one of those ideas would be lovely and greatly reduce the costs, but it would require a huge adjustment in expectations as far as what weddings look like. And would put all the catering halls out of business.
Back to top

amother
Hosta


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:08 am
I married someone from a different place and almost no one from his side traveled in. I felt awful for my husband and in laws that they had no one there.

also, with our large families, that’s a lot of expense flying people in.
Back to top

  Boca00  




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:11 am
amother Fern wrote:
A few ideas I have thought of:

The chuppah itself is held in a shul. Invite as many people as you like. Dinner is at a small hall, at home, or at a restaurant, just for family.


Wait, this is an amazing idea! I love it! I would say the dinner should still feel special, but a small hall is perfect.
Back to top

amother
  Feverfew


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:24 am
amother Fern wrote:
A few ideas I have thought of:

The chuppah itself is held in a shul. Invite as many people as you like. Dinner is at a small hall, at home, or at a restaurant, just for family.

Or:

Potluck style event, every guest signs up to bring something for the meal. I'm not sure where that could be held, though. Maybe like a community center?

Either one of those ideas would be lovely and greatly reduce the costs, but it would require a huge adjustment in expectations as far as what weddings look like. And would put all the catering halls out of business.

I'd love that the Chuppah be open to all, nice Kabolas Ponim, but guests are welcome to show up in weekday clothes.

Dinner is just for the family. (Especially if we do away with Shabbos Sheva Brachos as a family reunion, this would be very special and beautiful.)

Then Simchas Chosson V'Kallah with desserts, drinks, dancing (DJ).

It's true that a wedding is a Seudas Mitzvah, so you can have rolls and dips out for the few who make a point of joining for the seudah.
Back to top

chestnut  




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:34 am
amother Blush wrote:
Destination weddings are a selfish way of offloading the expenses of a wedding on the attendees.

(Have you calculated the expense for the family for the siblings of the chosson/kallah to attend with their children? Now add grandparents. Aunts and uncles. And that's just a bare bones guest list. Forget rebbeim, friends, and other important people.

Also, don't forget the costs of kosher food and the tznius issues of a beach wedding.

Plus all the missed work / learning / school that a destination wedding imposes on the poor siblings of the chosson/kallah.)

And multiply it by however many siblings/siblings-in-law/cousins/friends' weddings you'd have to attend.
Yeshiva bachurim? Kallah's friends?
Absolutely not doable.
Back to top

  chestnut




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 1:42 am
thanks wrote:
There is no requirement for random acquaintances to go to a wedding. Only go to a wedding that you want to go to. That's not a reason to move a wedding far away. Only invite those that mean something to you, and only go if you feel close.

I think I figured why acquaintances are invited. Many halls have a minimum number of guests and people don't want the place to look empty.
Back to top

amother
Aquamarine  


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 3:05 am
In England we don't do a follow on. The chuppah is usually around 3, 3.30 and is in a shul hall. That is followed by a reception which is where most people come to say mazel tov. It's open to anyone who wants to come. That lasts a couple of hours. A lot of people will drop in briefly to say mazel tov and leave.
Then there's a break and the dinner is only around 8 or 8.30. And that is a much smaller invitation list.
By separating out the two events you only invite people to the dinner who you really want to come.
I think we also don't go overboard. Most people do the reception like a kiddush with nothing over the top, we don't have a shmorg.
Back to top

shabbatiscoming  




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 4:16 am
I personally think how weddings werr done for centuries, in small villages, also in the shtetl, is how weddings should really be. How weddings have become today is really awful. Putting people into debt. Thats just insane, for a one time even that is all of a few hours.
A small village gatheting in a social hall or the local shul with a kiddush room, people ir fanily making different dishes seems so much nicer and intimate. The way a simcha was meant to be. Not how weddings have become.

A destination wedding would never work, unless tickets were paid for and that would defeat your purpose.
Back to top

essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 5:49 am
We live in Israel and all of our family live in the US. Every family wedding we go to is a destination wedding LOL
It costs us a lot to attend niece/nephew weddings but we both have relatively small families and this is a priority for us.
Back to top

abbie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:00 am
I don't think Destination weddings are the way to go.
I think more couples should elope.
With only immediate family and closest friends there.
Back to top

teachkids




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:15 am
chestnut wrote:
I think I figured why acquaintances are invited. Many halls have a minimum number of guests and people don't want the place to look empty.


So maybe we need more small but beautiful halls
Back to top

amother
Bone


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:21 am
I didn’t know there was an expensive wedding crisis. You can do a 300 person wedding in Baltimore for 10k
Back to top

amother
Bluebonnet


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:27 am
amother Bone wrote:
I didn’t know there was an expensive wedding crisis. You can do a 300 person wedding in Baltimore for 10k

Really? Where?
Back to top

amother
Peony


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 7:29 am
Chuppah and meal for both side relatives only.
M'samchim at 9.30.pm.
Shaitels only till $1500.
No presents every month.
Set children up with basics.
Get items 2nd hand
Let them grow up together.
Back to top

amother
Cadetblue


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 8:32 am
I got a second hand wig, a wedding dress from a Gemach, and second hand furniture. I use melamine plates and 3-4 pots/pans from Tj maxx (didn't need the whole set). Got one set of linen from a department store and second set for 35$ on Amazon. I don’t light silver candlesticks for Shabbos. My in laws were thrilled that I didn’t need the official kallah gifts. My husband also said no thank you to getting gifts from my parents. I didn’t demand anything for my wedding. I specifically asked for a small ring. I took wedding photos at a neighbor. Most of my friends weren’t local so I had a small handful at my wedding, and it meant so much to me that they could be there. BH had family there. It was wonderful.
Back to top

amother
Alyssum


 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 8:47 am
I am so happy that my ds is getting married, but would totally be fine to skip the big wedding. However, we just met with one of our vendors to discuss plans and I could see how the Kallah’s face was literally shining with joy. I totally agree that costs must be kept within your budget and means, but how could we deprive her of a celebration. No destination wedding for us. I appreciate OP’s creativity, but don’t think that works. Perhaps the answer is to make smaller guest lists?
Back to top

Aurora  




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:18 am
amother Alyssum wrote:
I am so happy that my ds is getting married, but would totally be fine to skip the big wedding. However, we just met with one of our vendors to discuss plans and I could see how the Kallah’s face was literally shining with joy. I totally agree that costs must be kept within your budget and means, but how could we deprive her of a celebration. No destination wedding for us. I appreciate OP’s creativity, but don’t think that works. Perhaps the answer is to make smaller guest lists?


Perhaps lowering expectations for kallahs across the board so no particular kallah has to feel like a nebbich?

I think smaller guest lists would be a good start.
Back to top

Chayalle  




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:19 am
I made two weddings in the past year BH, and the total expenses for one night (meaning, the wedding itself, clothing, makeup) cost me less than your destination wedding and flights would be. And I could have my family and friends present as well.

The Lakewood Takanah weddings are not as cheap as the shtetl wedding in the shul with the whole community joining in, but they are a huge effort of cost saving in the right direction, and something I very much applaud.

ETA about smaller guest lists, our halls had a minimum, and I've heard that without that it would not be cost effective for the caterer. So a smaller guest list would not have helped us - we had to pay same to caterer anyway.
Back to top

  Chayalle  




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Sep 12 2024, 9:27 am
amother Aquamarine wrote:
In England we don't do a follow on. The chuppah is usually around 3, 3.30 and is in a shul hall. That is followed by a reception which is where most people come to say mazel tov. It's open to anyone who wants to come. That lasts a couple of hours. A lot of people will drop in briefly to say mazel tov and leave.
Then there's a break and the dinner is only around 8 or 8.30. And that is a much smaller invitation list.
By separating out the two events you only invite people to the dinner who you really want to come.
I think we also don't go overboard. Most people do the reception like a kiddush with nothing over the top, we don't have a shmorg.


I remember attending my cousin's wedding in England some years back. The Chuppah was in a shul or school? something like that, and right after the chuppah there was a reception, which resembled a Kiddush in the US - there were little sandwiches, cakes/miniatures, salads, coffee and tea, drinks, etc...and people stopped in on the way home from work, with their kids still in their school uniforms.....and I remember my grandmother (she should live to 120) told me that this is how it was when she grew up, after the Chuppah there would be a party (and she told me they would serve crisps! Potato chips, which were apparently a new and fancy snack) and everyone came.
Later that night they had a dinner for family and close friends, which was very elegant actually.

I wonder, though, if the total cost of the English wedding is cheaper than a Lakewood Takanah wedding.
Back to top
Page 3 of 5 Previous  1  2  3  4  5  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

Related Topics Replies Last Post
[ Poll ] When you meet a friend at a wedding do you tell them
by amother
7 Today at 11:35 am View last post
Solutions to the tuition crisis
by amother
77 Yesterday at 3:10 am View last post
Creative cover for stitches? 7 Yesterday at 1:24 am View last post
Gown for wedding- kiryat sefer 5 Thu, Oct 10 2024, 4:54 pm View last post
Average cost yeshivash wedding in EY
by busy613
24 Thu, Oct 10 2024, 6:41 am View last post