want to get out of the dowdy rut & don't know where to s

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 3:19 am

Ok, the inevitable has finally arrived, my dd is 13 and wants me to look more chic.

I avoid makeup because I'm a klutz about it. I don't have much eyebrow hair and when I try to do my eyes, I end up looking like a racoon (even if I use waterproof mascara) I am thinking of tinting my eyelashes.

I'm on a very tight budget and I want to start with things that are easy to mantain and be consistent about.

I don't buy new clothes for myself and when I do get things its always machine washable, causual and easy to wear. My dd hates the length of my skirts. I prefer to wear socks & my shoes are without heels -- except sometimes on Shabbat. My minhag is not to wear a shaitel. Tichels & hats.

I'll admit, I am in a dowdy rut. The only thing I have going for me right now is that I'm slim. I do think that for my dd's sake I need to make a better effort about this. Any ideas how to get started? I already am having problems coming up with money for tuititon, so please maybe offer suggestions that are broken into stages.

Amital

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 6:17 am

Can you take her with you to shop, keeping in mind your restrictions? You can make it a challenge. Or do you have a stylish friend you don't mind opening up to?

Or maybe start with something small that would make the biggest difference, like a new skirt. ("New" can just mean new to you!) One of my sisters and I trade off clothes often. We have similar sizes, although go up and down with babies or nursing, but this gives us a cost-free infusion of new clothes. You could also do this with a few friends--each bring, say, 5 somethings you want to trade and get 5 new pieces to take home!

Maybe updating your "uniform" would help you--maybe a different length skirt?

Maybe a new lipstick or lipgloss? (And this time, I actually do mean NEW! LOL

) Makeup doesn't have to mean only eyes. Or a makeover at the counter of a store?

(And maybe post a request for Imamother's resident makeup artists to give a good basic intro to makeup 101!)

amother

Sun, Sep 14 2008, 6:48 am

What about starting with accessories. You can invest in new earrings, necklaces, scarves and the like and really change the look of an outfit. Also, if you wear layers try newer brighter colored layering tees and the like. Even shoes can change an outfit. This also might help you experiement with less investment.

ruth

Mon, Sep 15 2008, 1:13 am

thanks for the tips. These are good starts.

(btw, to the anonymous poster,why did you did post anonymously?)

Capitalchick

Mon, Sep 15 2008, 2:31 pm

What about a bit of blush and some mascara. You know what? You can even buy clear mascara (it looks like a gel), whcih lengthens your lashes, without changing their colour (and it won't stain or run!). If you put that on, swipe a bit on your brows too...and get some blush, that's a good start. I also like the idea of earrings (something a little funky).

A confident posture and nice, bright smile are always the most important, though!

Barbara

Mon, Sep 15 2008, 3:41 pm

amother wrote:

First of all, remember that if you dressed too fashionably, she'd complain about that as well. She's being 13!

Adjusting the length of your skirts may be the easiest and least expensive change that you can make to your wardrobe. A lot of women wear skirts that hit them at an awkward place, when a couple of inches longer or shorter would make a world of difference. Experiment!

Flats are very fashionable (like these http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/3......html ) . Even oxfords (albeit with sky-high heels) are in this year. Try wearing a sleeker pair of flats with tights (or *trouser socks* which are like very heavy tights, but just knee high) for a change.

Try tying your tichel a different way, or adding an accent scarf or hairband. Try the cheap mallrat stores instead of frum ones for less expensive pieces.

Filling in your eyebrows will help a lot, esp since you're wearing tichels. You can pick up a brown pencil or brow powder quite inexpensively at the drugstore. Also wear earrings and a bit of lipstick or gloss (try for a *my lips but better* shade). Instead of mascara, use eyeliner. For a cheap one, I really like the Almay liquid one. Usually, though, I just use dark powder shadow applied with a moistened flat brush.

Add some color near your face with scarves. Since you own tichels, maybe they can do double duty!

Most importantly, make sure everything you own fits. If its baggy, take it in or at least add a belt. If its too tight, let it out or don't wear it.

klotzkashe

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 2:38 am

apply clear mascara, lipgloss and bronzer (which can be applied a bit moreon the cheeks as a blush and thena ll over your face - it's a powder)

buy coloured shoes instead of black ie. red or pink or light green or even white for summer

buy lots of stockings at a time and always wear clear stockings (if that's your minhag) with a shorter skirt and a pair of coloured shoes

AVOID SNEAKERS, LOOOONG SKIRTS, SOCKS, BUTTON DOWN SHIRTS

try wearing a nice long sleeve or 3/4 sleeve white top with a slim tailored overshirt that can be left open.
you can even add a belt to yoru skirts just to maek them look more put togehter.

another good fashion rule is:
if you wear a tighter top on top then your skirt can be fulll/flowing
but
if you're wearing a looser top then you need to wear a more tailored/tighter skirt

ie. flowing blowses suit pencil skirts

mynameismom

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 10:11 am

A good place to start for some new fashionable clothes while shopping in a tight budget is in TJmaxx or Marshalls. Don't be afraid to try some new younger styles.

OldYoung

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 10:19 am

or Loehmann's

spinkles

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 10:30 am

What are the other mothers wearing? You can watch them to see what looks comfortable and nice.

It's easy to get a couple of neutral skirts (black, navy) in simple styles and wear them with different, more colorful, tops. Nice shoes make a big difference.

A black skirt with a pretty cardigan or turtleneck sweater (which you can get at TJMaxx or wherever), along with nice black flats (also from TJMaxx etc.) would look very nice.

If you're short, Walmart currently has black matte jersey skirts that are inexpensive and look nice. They're cut to fall at the knee, but if you're short and buy a size or two larger (fixing waistband so it fits you), they should work.

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 10:36 am

Sneakers (nice ones!) make you look younger, at least in my culture. Beware of mocassins, etc, very "old lady"!

But I don't think someone should dress to please a child!

greenfire

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 10:38 am

go to a clinique counter and have them do your make up and give you tips ...

I tried it once to keep up with the teens and take care to dress nicer and put on make-up ... lasted for a month or 2 at most ...

I honestly find it easier to just be myself ... Mr. Green

spinkles

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 10:48 am

Also, a button-down shirt can look nice if it's a solid color. Wear it a little open at the neckline (with a short-sleeved black t-shirt underneath so your collarbone is covered). If you wear it with a polished-looking black skirt and nice black flats, that's a nice look.

Crayon210

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 11:07 am

Ruchel wrote:

But I don't think someone should dress to please a child!

I agree. I found this extremely bizarre. shock

greenfire

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 11:10 am

chana_f wrote:

btw "hi"

why does everything have to be black ?!?!?!

mynameismom

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 11:26 am

Quote:

Ruchel wrote:
But I don't think someone should dress to please a child!

I agree. I found this extremely bizarre. Shocked

It doesn't sound to me like OP is only looking to make a change for her daughter. She says she is in a dowdy rut and doesnt sound like she is so happy being there. If her daughter inspires her to pull herself out of a rut thats great. If she wasnt able to do it on her own whats wrong with a little motivation. Its not like shes saying I love being dowdy but my daughter wants me to be more fashionable. Anyone hear her say she liked being dowdy?

On another note, a lot of us dress to please other people, and follow fads we wouldn't really go for if everyone else wasn't wearing them. So if she should try to please anyone, I think its better her daughter than anyone else.

Crayon210

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 11:31 am

It seems inappropriate for a daughter to make this statement, and worse, for the mother to listen to her as if she's the parent.

greenfire

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 11:33 am

Crayon210 wrote:

It seems inappropriate for a daughter to make this statement, and worse, for the mother to listen to her as if she's the parent.

sheer chutzpah indeedy ...

daamom

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 11:46 am

I've had friends "update" their mothers - I think they were happy to go along with their daughters' whims. It wasn't an issue of chutzpah, just some fashion assistance from their "in the know" kids.

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 16 2008, 11:49 am

fashion at and for 13 is quite not the same as for a mother!