Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
Kids fighting-What the heck am I supposed to do
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:38 pm
I have 2 kids (4 and 2) and they fight constantly. I’m not exaggerating. From the minute they wake up until the minute they go to sleep they are bothering each other or hurting each other.

It’s nonstop and I’m going out of my mind. I mostly side with the younger one since he’s the baby and I feel a stronger need to protect him.

Is it normal for kids to fight all day? They don’t get along and never play nicely together. They yell at each other and egg each other on and it just doesn’t end.

I feel so sad and hopeless. I dread getting up in the morning because I know what’s to come. Picking them up from daycare is a mix of emotions because I miss them, but the minute we step inside it’s back to the fighting and chaos. I’m not managing and yes I’m in therapy for this issue. I lost my spark and confidence. I don’t enjoy them anymore and I’m so angry all the time.
Back to top

rachlglsr




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:40 pm
No advice but I feel you!!!! Girls 5 and 3 do. Not. Stop!!! I feel like my older kids went through this phase and then outgrew it
Back to top

amother
Plum


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:41 pm
Two boys 6 and 3. Love each other but fight and beat each other all day. Makes me very stressed.
Back to top

amother
Lemonlime  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:43 pm
What do you do when they fight? I separated my kids into separate rooms, took toys away that they fought over, and basically told them I have zero tolerance for this behavior. They only fight once in a while now and we discuss how to resolve it, compromise, apologize, and pay more attention to each other. And yes I started this at 2.
Back to top

amother
  OP  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:48 pm
amother Lemonlime wrote:
What do you do when they fight? I separated my kids into separate rooms, took toys away that they fought over, and basically told them I have zero tolerance for this behavior. They only fight once in a while now and we discuss how to resolve it, compromise, apologize, and pay more attention to each other. And yes I started this at 2.


Sometimes I take away the toy, sometimes I remove the child if it’s obvious who’s doing more damage… I started punishing the older one and sometimes I yell at them. I’m so drained and not using the right tools.

They sleep in separate rooms. They sometimes say sorry but go right back to it a minute later.

Their fighting is making me depressed and a mean mother. I can’t sympathize with them anymore, it’s just too much.
Back to top

amother
  Lemonlime  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:50 pm
amother OP wrote:
Sometimes I take away the toy, sometimes I remove the child if it’s obvious who’s doing more damage… I started punishing the older one and sometimes I yell at them. I’m so drained and not using the right tools.

They sleep in separate rooms. They sometimes say sorry but go right back to it a minute later.

Their fighting is making me depressed and a mean mother. I can’t sympathize with them anymore, it’s just too much.


I mean I make them go to separate rooms when I see them fighting. They need to stay there and calm themselves down and can't be together until they have stopped.
Back to top

amother
  OP  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:52 pm
When I try to look at it objectively, I think to myself that I want to just be able to laugh at this stage cuz they’re little and it’ll pass (hopefully), and cuz they fight about the dumbest things. But it’s so hard to because they are really hurting each other and it’s not a joke.

How can such little kids have such intense fights?!!!

As im posting this, I’m sitting in the playroom watching them torture each other. First verbally and then physically.
Back to top

amother
DarkCyan


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:52 pm
I’m dealing with the same issue. Sibling rivalry is common. You could try the book “siblings without rivalry” if that works for you. Otherwise Rebbetzin Spetner has a whole class and method for this in her parenting class. It’s highly recommended. You need to work on it constantly , like everything else. The main idea from both of these sources is to listen unbiased to each child. Your kids are very small and it will probably be hard communication wise so you need to do a lot of the talking and tell each kid that you are there for them and they don’t need to take matters into their own hands.
Hatzlacha!
Back to top

amother
  OP  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:53 pm
amother Lemonlime wrote:
I mean I make them go to separate rooms when I see them fighting. They need to stay there and calm themselves down and can't be together until they have stopped.


They’ll just come out. Or hit me which only escalates the situation…
Back to top

amother
  Lemonlime  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:53 pm
amother OP wrote:
When I try to look at it objectively, I think to myself that I want to just be able to laugh at this stage cuz they’re little and it’ll pass (hopefully), and cuz they fight about the dumbest things. But it’s so hard to because they are really hurting each other and it’s not a joke.

How can such little kids have such intense fights?!!!

As im posting this, I’m sitting in the playroom watching them torture each other. First verbally and then physically.


The second they start verbally you need to stop them
Back to top

amother
  Lemonlime


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 2:53 pm
amother OP wrote:
They’ll just come out. Or hit me which only escalates the situation…


Ok so the issue is deeper than just sibling rivalry. I suggest a parenting course.
Back to top

amother
Wine  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 3:00 pm
amother OP wrote:
Sometimes I take away the toy, sometimes I remove the child if it’s obvious who’s doing more damage… I started punishing the older one and sometimes I yell at them. I’m so drained and not using the right tools.

They sleep in separate rooms. They sometimes say sorry but go right back to it a minute later.

Their fighting is making me depressed and a mean mother. I can’t sympathize with them anymore, it’s just too much.


Your older one is also a baby & he may be acting out because he see's & feels like he's always the one getting punished & that you side with & protect your 2 year old over him. And yelling or getting angry at them, definitely add's fuel to the fire.
You can try rewards charts for both, setting the older one up in the afternoon to do any activity by himself, taking away toys they're fighting over. Perhaps try sitting & playing with them (I know, easier said then done.) Kids often fight & act out as a way to get attention from their parents.
Best of luck!
Back to top

amother
Cerise


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 3:54 pm
Why do you usually side with the 2 year old? A 4 year old is a baby himself!
Back to top

amother
  OP  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 4:05 pm
amother Cerise wrote:
Why do you usually side with the 2 year old? A 4 year old is a baby himself!


I guess it’s not logical. It’s just that one is my oldest and the other is my baby. I guess he’s the weaker one of the two, so it’s automatic.

Are 4 year olds really babies?!
Back to top

mfb




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 4:10 pm
Your 2 year old is probably causing the 4 year old to react after he touches/takes something from the other!!
And YES they are absolutely both babies!!
You should try not siding with either just diffuse the situation and it will hopefully get better
Back to top

amother
  Wine


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 4:12 pm
amother OP wrote:
I guess it’s not logical. It’s just that one is my oldest and the other is my baby. I guess he’s the weaker one of the two, so it’s automatic.

Are 4 year olds really babies?!


A 4 year old is a baby & a 4 year old can most definitely be weaker than a 2 year old! It's so so common. I had this with several of my kids, the younger one overpowered the older one & was the one that started the fights.
Back to top

amother
Yarrow


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 4:13 pm
8 boys here (although some can reach the roof and look like men) fighting about 18 hrs a day .no exaggeration! Think Yom tov shabbos lol. I should be insane.
2 and 4 should really be manageable to separate. Thwy do not need to be playing together. They can and should have separate toys. They are both toddlers if they are playing together they need adult supervision. Both need to feel loved safe and heard. 4 yr olds needs include his projects toys and building not being broken by sibling. Lots of cuddles hugs lap time story time from mommy. 4 yr old is seeing 2yr old as a threat. If his belongings and adult attention is cared for this will be greatly minimized!
Back to top

amother
  OP  


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 4:43 pm
mfb wrote:
Your 2 year old is probably causing the 4 year old to react after he touches/takes something from the other!!
And YES they are absolutely both babies!!
You should try not siding with either just diffuse the situation and it will hopefully get better


The 4 year old is a girl! Made me laugh that everyone assumed it was a boy. Or did I accidentally say that?

Anyway, yes she reacts to the 2 year old a lot. But she looks for fights too. She’ll tell him her thing is bigger, better… or lie to him and make him scream (and eventually hit) or she’ll randomly just shove him unprovoked if he’s nearby.

It’s a challenging dynamic and they’re definitely always supervised. I don’t trust them to be alone… I do think she views him as a threat in general and is probably jealous of him.

But I guess the best I can do right now is listen to each of them, not take sides, but also try and separate as much as possible.

I just want them to love each other and have each other’s backs 😭 wishful thinking I guess…
Back to top

amother
  OP


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 4:44 pm
Thank you to everyone who responded and gave helpful tips!

Much appreciated
Back to top

amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Fri, Nov 01 2024, 4:48 pm
I really suggest a parenting course. It will really help you in the long run.
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
[ Poll ] No forum for parents of OTD adult no longer at home kids.
by amother
20 Yesterday at 5:21 pm View last post
Kids having same or very similar names to cousins?
by amother
13 Yesterday at 5:03 pm View last post
Kids coat
by amother
0 Yesterday at 10:42 am View last post
American born kids to israeli citizen parent
by amother
9 Yesterday at 9:28 am View last post
Do you bath your kids together?
by amother
1 Mon, Dec 02 2024, 10:23 pm View last post