Why would people dress their kids like this

↑ flowerpower ↓

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:57 pm

amother Birch wrote:

You make fun, but conversations about the raising and development of children are important. Perhaps some of us on opposing sides can come to understand where the others are coming from through conversation.

20 pages and we still didn’t anywhere.

What I got so far was-

Beige leggings are blah
Leggings itself are hideous

Let the kid express themselves by wearing tulle dresses from Walmart with whatever hand me down pants the kid wants to wear with it

amother

↑ Birch ↓

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 9:58 pm

amother Lotus wrote:

No one is talking about your situation.

Not specifically, no, but insisting upon conformity in clothing is symbolic of the greater issue of conformity in the frum community. Perhaps if it were more accepted that everyone is different, then my child and other kids, nerds, kids with different interests or different styles, wouldn't be so ostracized.

amother

↑ Birch

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 10:01 pm

flowerpower wrote:

If you don't think it's valuable, then why are you still reading? I'm interested to hear the conversation, which is why I'm still responding.

amother

↑ Cadetblue

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 11:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok here’s my question.
Do you not care because you can’t be bothered, not care because you want to let her have her own style, not care because you like the style? Or something else?

So here's the thing.
I don't care because there are more important things in life than fitting in. It's just not a priority for me.
I'm not lazy.
I don't really care if a 2 year old has a sense of style.
I never thought if I like the style or not.
I do think it's important for kids to be comfortable and many of the frum fashions are not comfortable. When I see kids go to school in tight pants, I feel sorry for them.

I don't invest in fitting in. My older kids ask for things sometimes to fit in and if it's important to them, I'll give it to them. I'm not a maverick, I just don't make it a priority.

Why would I put a 2 yr old in a dress above the knee and tights if she could wear comfortable pants and be much warmer?
Why would I put a 2 yr old in navy if she prefers to wear pink?
Why would I invest time and money into a 2 yr old's sense of style?

and you want to know the truth? My 4 yr old's friends are jealous. They want to know why she gets to wear a fun dress for playgroup. They ask their mommies to buy them sweaters like hers with tons of color on them. She doesn't have a single social problem on the planet.

amother

↑ Lotus

Sun, Dec 08 2024, 11:20 pm

amother Birch wrote:

Also, aren't you the one who got onto me for being mean? You truly radiate compassion.

What does compassion have to do with anything? You were mean. I didn’t call you that someone else did. But it’s also not about autistic kids, so it’s probably not worth thinking it is and feeling hurt is what I was saying. But I see you are overly sensitive.

↑ mathbrain

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 12:10 am

amother OP wrote:

Ok here’s my question.
Do you not care because you can’t be bothered, not care because you want to let her have her own style, not care because you like the style? Or something else?

When my kids are small (up to 3/4), I buy them 1-2 weekday things from Jewish stores (kiddichic, sage, etc). That’s for Chanukah parties and for whenever I meet up with family who I know will only think my kids are cute if they are dressed ‘in style’.

The rest of the time? I get them clothes that I think are practical and comfortable. And yes, the Mickey Mouse or fire truck Teeshirt is often more expensive, but the toddlers love it. And the other kids are usually jealous (I’ve had more than one mom ask me where I got the clothes cuz they’re kids begged for it). I don’t do leggings for boys once they are toilet trained.
I think fitted shorts on boys is nauseous and asking for abuse. My kids are always clean, well fitted clothes, and normal shoes. I happen not to love the ruffle dress look, or the tutu look.
But my girls have definitely worn them plenty at home. And sometimes to morah. I do love the colorful leggings. And my girls wear them, and love them as well.

Boys are different as once they start school, they need regular non-fitted pants and polos.
But for my girls, once they start regular school, I start conforming more. And once they start needing long sleeves and knee length (6/7), I shop at Jewish stores - hopefully on sale- and get ‘in style’ things. But my style is definitely not the same as you mentioned. No sweaters. Baggy sweatshirts are in now.

I don’t honestly care about what others think of the way I dress, or my kids dress. I do think kids need to fit in from 5/6 and up. So we let the toddlers live.

The part that bothers me the most about the thread was calling your style ‘the norm’.
I don’t live out of town. I have 6 kids. I’ve never had a kid where everyone in their class had the exact same ‘style’ of dress.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 4:03 am

amother OP wrote:

It has already been defined but I will again. Somewhat fitted pants and sweaters.short Sweater dresses and tights. Or short above the knee skirt and top/ sweaters. For girls. For boys somewhat fitted pants and sweaters (or somewhat fitted shorts and t shirts in summer).

Let's pretend that the above styles will become *extremely popular* in frum communities. Then what?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 5:30 am

amother Fuchsia wrote:

The only thing this thread clarified for me is that there are some really judgmental women out there, and yes, I should be self conscious anytime I’m seen by in-town trendy ladies.

Signed, a standard OOT klei kodesh mama who’s kids do the laid back/standard look including tottini and hand me downs.

I don’t live in town. My kids wear Tottini and hand me downs. That’s not what this thread is about

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 6:20 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

OP, if the styles you find to be outside the norm actually became the norm in the near future, then what?

Then they’ll be the norm. I’m talking about what’s happening right now. FWIW they won’t become the norm, but just say it were to happen.
I’m talking about the phenomenon of moms dressing kids very out of the norm, not actually about what those styles are

↑ DVOM ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 6:38 am

amother Fuchsia wrote:

I didn't take the thread this way. I didn't read the whole 20something pages, so maybe there was judgment and criticism in there, but I definitely didn't read the op that way.

When you live in a culture that prizes conformity down to the color and length of your 2 year olds weekday dresses, it's really easy to get caught up in it. And more than that, it's really hard to understand people who don't buy into it. It's only when you start breaking the 'rules' that you begin to see how little they matter. I took op's question as honest curiosity.

When my boys were little I used to worry (a drop) that the colorful way I dressed them would impact them negatively in some way. It truly hasn't. They're great kids. Now with my daughter I have total confidence in how I dress her. Don't feel self conscious, Fuchsia. Be confident in your values. Other people may have other values and that's ok, but when people see that your secure in your choices they'll respect you for it even if they disagree with you.

↑ DVOM ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 6:42 am

amother OP wrote:

I hope it's ok, but I'm curious too, so I'd love to ask the question back to you:

You clearly have a good sense of what's 'normal', typical, 'done' in terms of dress in your community. I'm assuming you dress your kids this way. I can understand why you do it. There's a lot of comfort and security in conformity. It feels good to belong.

My question is, do you think it's pretty? Objectively, aside from knowing it's the 'correct' way to dress, do you like it? Are the 'in' styles and colors and looks pretty to you?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 6:47 am

DVOM wrote:

Yes I got the prettiest sweaters from h&m (I had money from a relative and spent $5 each for 3 super cute/ pretty sweaters, one is white one is pink and one is grey with pink and green flowers). I love how my daughter dresses. I wouldn’t buy anything I didn’t think was pretty/ cute. Same for hand me down bags, I wouldn’t take out anything I didn’t think was pretty/ cute.

amother

Lightgray ↓

Mon, Dec 09 2024, 7:58 am

imaima wrote:

Now that we are on page 21 and obviously love this topic…
Can someone commiserate with me that I bought a bunch of tasteful beige and black clothes with matching tights and socks and the child opts for the old pilled hand me down PINAFORE dress and refuses to wear a longsleeve underneath?

lol.
yeah my darling dd definitely has her own sense of style Wink

black and beige is really drab though, cant say I blame a kid for wanting something more fun!