How will baby come out - what to answer
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Post  Thu, Dec 29 2005, 10:14 pm
I don't see why a child wouldn't trust a parent who says "hashem made a special place...etc".
when the child gets older he'll realize his parents were giving an answer based on his age and besides, it's not a lie, it's just not getting graphic!

my 6 yr old niece once asked me and I said hashem made a special place on women that opens when the baby is ready to come out and if she had any more questions she should ask her mother privately.
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Post  Thu, Dec 29 2005, 10:18 pm
I've been told by a several older, wiser ppl that in regards to telling kids this stuff you play it according to their questions.
in other words you answer the question and the question only according to their age level.
they ask more, then answer more (again according to their age level)
they will in all likelihood only ask according to their maturation level, they ask according to what they are ready to take on and absorb, so the point is that it is not necessary to answer more then they ask until they ask.
answer to the point, answer THE QUESTION and thats it,
so where is the baby going to come out from, I agree that answering from a special hole hashem made is a fine enough answer, which is what I've answered mine when it came up, and they were fine with it.
more then that? well did the kid ask more then that? if not then why answer more.
reminds me of that joke about the kid who asked where he was from and their father went into a whole shpiel and finally the kid said oh thanks coz charlie told me he is from such and such a place.

I agree that lying is counter productive, but it doesn't mean we have to take the other extreme. Use seichel, thats all.

as far as showing a 14 yr old a diagram, c'mon is that necessary? even if you are telling him the facts of life does he really need to the exact mechanics of it until he is getting married. show it to him when he is a chosson, why now, you trying to make it easier for him or something at THIS point in time?
you don't have to lie to him, but you get into the nitty gritty details at the age of 14. of what use is it to him now?
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Post  Sun, Jan 01 2006, 8:14 am
I'll tell mine that the stalk brings the baby and the whole stomache thing is just to let the mummy know the baby is going to come soon.
Then I will make the child watch Dumbo at least 100 times so they get the message....
Seriously, you are talking about a 14 year old. Telling them about a special hole and all that isn't going to stick. Do you not think they know more than that???
At that age they just want straight facts, so giving them straight facts like a science lesson is not going to turn them on, it will probably put them right off.
My mother would give me that answer of a special hole and it never stuck and yes I was younger but she never said anything more and do you think I ever asked her about anything again?? Or if you want to know exactly what they are asking ask them what they mean by their question.
When my child starts asking I will be telling them the truth and no beating around the bush, also depending on their age as well.
I know someone who gave their 7 year old son a science lesson on breasts because he would always giggle and laugh about them. Once she did that he wasn't interested anymore and didn't find them so amusing.
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Post  Sun, Jan 01 2006, 8:33 pm
Rivka wrote:
I'll tell mine that the stalk Question brings the baby

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Post  Sun, Jan 01 2006, 8:48 pm
Don't most 15 yr olds know ? shock
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Post  Mon, Jan 02 2006, 9:07 pm
All I had so far were c-sections, when my then 7 year old daughter asked me, I told her the truth!!!
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Post  Tue, Jan 03 2006, 9:18 am
I´ve always told my kids aged 8,7,and 3 that HASHEM put the baby in and mommy goes to the hospital and HE takes it out again. I haven´t had any problems so far.
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Post  Tue, Jan 03 2006, 10:31 pm
well I had a science lesson for my kids the other day . we found a pepper that had anther pepper in it. so we told our kids this is a mother pepper and this is a baby pepper. they didnt ask for more information. so I am happy that this time I didnt have to lye... but seriously what do u tell a older kid and not get that kid kicked out of his her school for talking too much... whatever u do is no good....
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Post  Wed, Jan 04 2006, 7:14 pm
Motek slight typo, I did mean the Stork as in bird, too busy thinking about plants when I was writing.
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Post  Thu, Jan 05 2006, 9:59 am
I still wonder about a 15 yr old that doesn't know anything.Most kids (yes even in Yeshiva etc)know plenty by then.They know things are happening to them....
Bottom line IF you don't tell him someone else will. You make it seem bad & dirty by telling half & partial truths.Ofcourse you have to use seichel & gage based on age & question,but if you keep trying to evade the issue what message are you sending.Keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with your husband having the discussion instead (in the interest of tznius.A boy should have questions about his own body)
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Post  Thu, Jan 05 2006, 10:38 pm
I think that it is the job of the men to have a disssussion with the sons about growing up . and all. doesnt have to be elabrate but plain and simple.
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Post  Tue, Feb 28 2006, 7:34 pm
Just tell them the baby comes out of your stomach. You don't have to elaborate. If they persist then I would say, "I'll tell you when you get older."
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Post  Tue, Feb 28 2006, 7:39 pm
I dont think its a good idea to Lie. Honesty is best and if u can be honest because they are too young just say when your a little older I will explain it to u.
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chocolate moose


Post  Tue, Feb 28 2006, 7:48 pm
I'm with JewishMama. Sinple but vague is the best.

I never asked MY parents how it all worked.....doubtful that I will, being that I have older teens already......
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Post  Wed, Mar 01 2006, 8:49 am
I agree that there's a time & place to explain everything. The mother should know when the child is old enough to understand the topic. HOWEVER, if your child is at a certain age & has no clue what goes on - please explain something! When I was in 9th grade, we were learning reproduction in biology (very cleanly) & a girl raised her hand & said, but where does the p---s go? Everyone was shocked. The teacher said come to her after class. I'm sure after the teacher explained it the girl must've felt totally humiliated that she asked in front of everyone. I'm not saying explain it b4 9th grade, but if they're gonna learn about the topic, prepare them a little if they're totally clueless!!!!
(& she's totally an eidele girl so, no, she didn't say it l'hachas)
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Post  Tue, Mar 07 2006, 5:12 pm
I have 5 brothers and 3 sons. Granted my sons are not at this stage yet. 3 of my brothers are beyond this stage though, the youngest among those 3 is 16. I think he knows as much, if not MORE than I do. Most teenage boys know alot about this topic. If you do not set your son straight, someone else WILL! right now is your chance to do damage control. After this, your son will see his parents are refusing to give him a strait answer and he will seek out his smarter and more knowelegeable friends, then You will have no control over his knowlege at all!

BTW, it is a horrible Idea to ask the boys rebbe to inform him of the birds and the bees, you and your husband created this child and you and your husband should be the one to enlighten him if he hasnt already found the answers to his questions through his friends or the local library. Being too FRUM and TOO PRIVATE, is not healthy in these cases.
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chocolate moose


Post  Tue, Mar 07 2006, 5:17 pm
No one says anymore, the dr takes it out in the hospital?
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Post  Tue, Mar 07 2006, 10:28 pm

No one says anymore, the dr takes it out in the hospital?

I give birth at home:)
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chocolate moose


Post  Wed, Mar 08 2006, 10:10 am
By yourself? No midwife? B/c you can use her (or him) as a "cover", too.....I.e. "the Midwife does it".
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Post  Sun, Mar 26 2006, 5:24 pm
sara g, you have teenaged children, do you honestly think that if you were to get pregnant they would but the line, the doctor takes it out at the hospital??? honestly I knew more than that by the age of 12, so did my brothers.
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