does she even care

greenfire

Fri, Oct 24 2008, 6:08 am

after all that's been said and done ... dd has neglected school ... listens to nobody ... goes on yom tov stays home other days ... turning 18 they sent a letter if she doesn't go they will rescind their help (as it is a special school with IEP) ... now I'm just sad - it is her last chance to graduate and if she doesn't care about herself - well it's just sad ... Crying

shosh

Fri, Oct 24 2008, 6:14 am

In that situation and at that age, sadly, there's little more to be done than daven ...

greenfire

Sun, Oct 26 2008, 11:08 pm

so although she did go to school friday, she's out & about ... the nerves churn not knowing if she'll make it to school tomorrow ... she won't take it serious enough until it's too late ...

bonitag1

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 2:13 am

I haven't read your previous posts so I'm pretty sure I don't know the whole story and I apologize if I say anything that is wrong or has been discussed before. I speak here from personal experience with a difficult teenage DD (now 22) who turned into a really great young adult, now married and completing her undergrad degree this year.
It is very difficult to have an impact on an 18 year old who doesn't care about school but it's not impossible:
1) 18 year olds grow up soon and once they leave adolescence its amazing how much more reasonable they get.
2) try to get her through this year in whatever way you can so she gets the diploma. Can you talk to her and see if she agrees with the goal, at least, of finishing up high school and graduating? Meet with her and with the school counselor together to try to set some ground rules for what she has to do to finish. Don't expect 100 % compliance, but remind her when she goes off the path, and compliment her when she does even a small thing right. Try to minimize the recriminations and scolding while being firm, and consistent. Let her know you love her, even if she doesn't seem to care.
3)think about ways to build her self-esteem and discourage self-destructive behavior. we banned most of DD's friends who we thought were a bad influence and threatened to report their bad behavior to their parents, then followed up and did it.
4) insist that even if she isn't keeping up her school responsibilities she has to be a productive person. On advice of a counselor we "made" our DD get an after-school job. It really turned her around. Unlike school, where she didn't feel like anything mattered, work was a place where people depended on her to show up and do her job. She quickly came to like the responsibility, the regular schedule, the respect she got from being a reliable employee.
Hope this helps. I also hope you realize that a lot of parents have gone through this heartache, that it doesn't reflect on you as a parent or as a person and that your daughter's story is only partially written. She still has plenty of opportunity to change and grow.

greenfire

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 7:41 pm

while I appreciate your logic ... dd doesn't fit the typical mold of even a difficult teen ... a bit more unique ...

anyways she waltzed in and I asked her what her excuse was today because her excuses won't really get her too far when they throw her out of school ... there will be no more chances ...

I couldn't sleep last night again ... I'm worried and sad for her ...

she ignores me when I try to talk to her ...

Miss Missie

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 8:02 pm

Try some of your humor, can't see that being ineffective Shooting Arrow

All I can help with at this point is wish you loads of luck...

greenfire

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 8:07 pm

right now a good humour ice cream seems more efficient ... for me that is ...

happymom

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 8:09 pm

is she in therapy?

greenfire

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 8:17 pm

there's a whole history ... right now she is banning therapy too ...

suffice it to say I'm just emoting here ...

yo'ma

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 8:20 pm

Some people say that when moshiach comes, babies will grow really quickly that they'll be able to go to school already. Some thing like that anyway. I think babies are fine, how about if they just skip the teen years LOL

?! I don't even have a teen yet, but since she's 2, I could tell what she'll be like. I hope I'm wrong Wink

greenfire

Mon, Oct 27 2008, 8:28 pm

oh no - is she pms ing already ... Twisted Evil