Teens "helping" with Shabbos cooking

chocolate moose

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 10:31 am

I don't mean a two year old setting the table & dropping a fork or becher, I mean a kid (teen) who wants to bake or make a salad, said she will weeks in advance, gets the ingredients, does some of it, but then gets a phone call, forgot she needs to shower, etc., and push comes to shove, basically doesn't do what she promised/intended to.

Do you think it's a maturity issue?

And would you prepare the entire Shabbos with the teen's contribution notwithstanding, that is - if she does come through, you have a second salad or dessert?

Thanks.

mother48

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 10:35 am

first of all, she should be required to help. not what she chooses to do extra, but regular, every week, helping ma get ready for shabbos work.

if she wants to do s/t extra, I would make a rule it must be done Thursday night, b4 you start your cooking, and cleaned up. make it very clear that this does not absolve her of then helping you do the real cooking.

if she misses her window of time, sympathise, and let her know there's always next week.

supermom

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 11:26 am

When I was nine I started helping out with the cooking on shabbos. even if she does something to you is extra it is good for her. I know of a lot of girls that get married and call me constantly for recipes because they were never the ones cooking around the house it was their mothers. This cooking is more of a chinuch thing and a way to teach her how to cook for when she is going to really need it.

ElTam

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 1:55 pm

I agree with the last poster. By the time a child goes off to seminary or yeshiva, they should be able to prepare a complete meal on their own. (And do their own laundry.) It's part of preparing a child for adulthood.

In terms of the original question, I don't think it's necesssarily a sign of maturity. I'm a good deal older than your daughter and I still procrastinate and don't get to everything I planned.

He*Sings*To*Me

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 3:18 pm

I was required to set a proper table---with silver utensils working their way inward through each course, and knife blade facing inward, etc.---by bat mitzvah age...to this day, I have people ask me "what goes where" when they're needing to make a good impression...our almost 5-year-old is already "learning the ropes"---I have her on a step stool next to me in the kitchen adding the measures to recipes, and stirring them in; and, learning place setting set-up...she takes great pride in her ability to help!

chocolate moose

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 3:22 pm

But again, "helping" is fine, being "in charge" is something else.

It's easy enough to personally do all the cooking and have someone else clean up, set the table, sort the laundry. But that doesn't teach them how to make Shabbos, does it?

1stimer

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 4:18 pm

Quote:

And would you prepare the entire Shabbos with the teen's contribution notwithstanding, that is - if she does come through, you have a second salad or dessert?

No, because if she knows that 'oh if I don't get to it their will be a dessert anyway' she won't get to it. But if she knows that if she doesn't make the dessert the whole family will go without then there is much more incentive to fulfill her promise.

Basically, what I would do, is next time she promises to do something, I would say 'great, you're doing the dessert, so I'm leaving it up to you' or something to the effect that shows that you trust her to fulfill her promise. And then leave it... and when it comes to dessert time, ask her to serve it.

red sea

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 4:24 pm

I had a friend in high school whose family used to cook for shabbos like each preteen through parents did one item each, think of that! It really did not hold any meaning though when I was 16. Well when she got married she knew her way around the kitchen.

Tefila

Thu, Jan 12 2006, 4:29 pm

Quote:

Do you think it's a maturity issue?

Yes
Doesn't mean though you have to stand for it.
Just understand they are not all bad but still finding themselves Tongue Out

How is she conc other things is she respectful, does she follow house rules, is she a good girl generally?

I f you have answered yes to atleast one of these things note she's an average teenager, and if you have said yes to more then one. You have a tzeddaikes on your hands. And if you've said no to all well you ask us again Tongue Out

mother48

Sat, Jan 14 2006, 9:40 pm

I couldn't cook-until I got married and had too. my sister would cook, I would clean, and make the occasional baking or kugel. I don't think a girl must know it all, or be requried to do the whole shabbos, so long as she helps. you will iyh have the rest of your life to cook and be in charge.

I remember when I was 12, and my friend's mother had twins, and her and her younger sis cooked the whole shabbos. we were all impressed. now, as a parent, I'm not sure how I feel about it.

TzenaRena

Sat, Jan 14 2006, 10:30 pm

I don't depend on my teenagers to do the cooking. They know how, but they are limited in the amount of time they are available Erev Shabbos.

I ask for help with peeling, chopping, washing dishes, preparing lunch erev shabbos for all the hungry people, when I'm too busy to stop.They also help with last minute shopping for whatever is missing.

If my daughter is too busy to bake me a cake, or prepare a dessert, we live with something simple, (like canned pineapple chunks with frozen strawberries).

The kids prepare the salad, and if we don't get that done before Shabbos, they do it on. My younger daughter loves to mix and knead the Challah dough, and she is a pro at braiding them.

I train my kids in kashrus matters, even my eight year old knows how to check an egg (we don't rely on it, but he picked up on it). They know how to check lettuce, rice, scrub vegetables etc. They know the system with the cutting boards, knives etc. separate spices and condiments for fleishig, milchig and parve, and whenever they have made something for themselves, and I ask them what they used, b"h they didn't make mistakes.

My daughter is very busy with school, tests, activities and shiurim, and I'm very happy about that. the only time I absolutely can't be without her help is before Pesach, and for babysitting the younger children when we have a Simcha. Otherwise, I work around her schedule.

Last edited by TzenaRena on Tue, Jan 17 2006, 6:06 am; edited 1 time in total

TzenaRena

Tue, Jan 17 2006, 2:56 am

Quote:

but then gets a phone call, forgot she needs to shower, etc.,

That's one thing I do demand. If she's on the phone,she's got to be off in five minutes max. If she doesn't honor that, in I come, and say loud enough for her friend to hear, sorry , but I need your help now, please get off the phone.

With showers, I tell her a certain time I need her help until, and after that she has permission to take a shower. Since her showers are long, I let her off the hook at least an hour before Shabbos comes in.