child insulting Hashem

amother

Sat, Dec 06 2008, 11:48 pm

4-yr-old DS who has been grappling with "who is Hashem?" was playing with toys earlier, and suddenly he's having an imaginary argument with Hashem. Then he started getting mock angry and said "Hashem is a bad boy!" I told him that we don't talk like that about Hashem, but I felt I wasn't firm enough, because he said it again. Should I have sent him to his room? WWYD?

leomom

Sat, Dec 06 2008, 11:56 pm

These are my thoughts:

1. Don't discipline your son in any way. He is way too young to be "grappling" with questions about Hashem. On one hand, he has a childlike, built-in awareness of Hashem that adults no longer have, but on the other hand, he is much too young to think abstractly and to even begin to "understand" what Hashem means. (Do adults understand?? No, but adults do grapple.)

2. Has your son heard you or others around you speaking about the terror attack in India? Has he picked up on YOUR anger toward Hashem (great article about that on Chabad.org here.) Maybe there is some connection? But in any case, I don't think you should reprimand him or even really get into a conversation about it unless this kind of thing is going on repeatedly and something seems to be bothering him.

ss321

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 12:34 am

oy...
Im sorry, but when I read the line, I laughed. what kids say these days....
in all seroiusness I think it all depends on your kid, and you and Dh have to gauge where he is at-what he understands about hashem in determining how to broach the issue. On the one hand, if it was a one time thing, maybe let it go. If it goes on, you have to say something, but how-I think depends alot on what your kid "understands" about Hashem. Be very positive in rebuking him- Hashem isnt a boy or girl, hashem is everywhere, He is in the air, he is in your bed, something simple like that...and b/c hes not a boy or girl, he cant be bad and get in trouble like you can if you hit your friend Yitzie or if you dont clean up your toys....something really simplistic like that. Definitely discuss this one over with DH, IMHO chinuch issues like this should involve both parents if possible

Tamiri

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 1:16 am

Wow. My 4 yo is just dealing with the concept of Yetzer HaRa and Yetzer HaTov and trying to figure out the limits.
I would not do anything with a child using the name "Hashem". I don't think he can understand the concept yet - he's just repeating something he heard. Maybe he heard a story where Hashem wasn't happy or told Noach all the people are bad, and he's reversing. I would put it on ignore.

grin

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 1:21 am

I agree with Tamiri. I don't think he has any understanding whatsoever of the term and is just playing around with it. If you're concerned, you may want to bring up the topic on another occasion and explain a bit - but for sure no punishing! I wouldn't even punish older children with saying such things. You want them to grow up with the understanding that Yiddishikeit encourages thinking and questioning.

amother

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 1:57 am

OP here. Thanks so much for your answers. I guess I overreacted a bit... I'm just nervous about instilling a love for Hashem at home because I was raised in a household where we never talked about Hashem at all, and my love and fear of Hashem came from my excellent schooling only.

GAMZu

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 10:27 am

My 4.5 year old repeats what he learned... that Hashem makes all the food grow, etc, and then expounds that He takes the cookies, puts them in boxes and drives them to all the stores in a truck. What

Or that He brings all the lunch to the lunchroom.
It's really beyond them. All you can do is say nonchalantly that we don't talk like that about Hashem.

NotInNJMommy

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 10:33 am

I think it's helpful especially with younger children who say "ridiculous" things: ie. Hashem is a bad boy, or I hate grandma or whatever.. --to first get them to talk about what they said, and then later on discuss with them what isn't appropriate to say. Most of the time they've just processed something to their limits and it isn't as dramatic as if an adult said it. I think I learned that from the "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk"...

happymom

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 10:37 am

Hashem is a bad boy!" I told him that we don't talk like that about Hashem, but I felt I wasn't firm enough, because he said it again. Should I have sent him to his room? WWYD?

I dont think we should ever punish a child for saying how he feels! we can ask them why they feel that way, and teach and guide them to come to the right conclusions. all punishing would do would make him not only say that about hashem more, but also make him have a negative feeling to yiddishket!

I would just ask him why he is saying that about hashem? and then he would probably tell you, and then you can talk about it.

maybe its because of bad things that have happened and he knows hashem runs the world.. in this case you can explain how hashem loves us and is good yet we dont understand why all the time and we can still be sad about things sometimes and when moshiach comes we will understand....

maybe its because other boys in his class say that, in whcih case you can talk about how we only copy good things other people do

maybe its to get negative attention in which case I would ignore it and make sure to give lots of positive attention so he will learn how to behave right when he wants attention and not need to act out for it........

here is another example.

I was at a friends house and her child said "I dont like shabbos" and her mother said "yes you do! we dont say that..."

what I would do is say "why dont you like shabbos?" and talk it out and explain the beauty of shabbos and hope that shabbos can become more enjoyable for my child.

punishemnts cause resentments and are not answers for feelings we dont want!

happymom

Sun, Dec 07 2008, 11:00 am

I'm just nervous about instilling a love for Hashem at home because I was raised in a household where we never talked about Hashem at all,

the best way to instil a love of hashem in your kids is to be positive with the torah.

the best way to not instill lvoe is to punish and yell and critisize when it comes to things in the torah.

for example instead of saying it says in the torah if you dont listen you are not doing the right thing etc,.,

you can bring out the love and say hashem is so proud of us and our neshama feels sooo happy when we listen to our mommy right away! and guess what? when we really really dont want to and we do it even when its hard, hashem knows how hard it was and its an even biggesr mitzvah! and you can have a huge mitzvah chart with a l;adder and prizes on top... thesse kids of things create a loving feeling to torah and mitzvios. punishemnts and witholding because of going against torah does the opposite

Isramom8

Tue, Dec 09 2008, 2:29 pm

I'd treat it very lightly, explaining calmly, "Hashem can't be a bad boy. Hashem isn't a girl or a boy. Hashem is good." "We can't know more than Hashem because Hashem made our brains; Hashem made us able to think and be smart." Absolutely no resaon to show that what he said upsets you. At his age, he's just not that informed yet.

Cute story - at four, DS said that on Purim he wants to dress up as Hashem. He also said, "When I grow up, I want to be Hashem."