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Canceling invitation when sick
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momtomany




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 2:48 pm
If I invite someone for shabbos then wake up friday morning very sick, and I know I'll barely be able to cook let alone entertain guests, is it rude to cancel the invitation? its happened to me and I didnt know what to do.
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cookielady




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 2:49 pm
It may be inconvenient for your guests, but I would be much more upset to go somewhere and find a sick hostess. First of all I would feel badly that she worked so hard while not feeling well. Secondly, and even a bigger reason, I would not be to happy to be exposed to whatever the hostess is sick with.
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 2:54 pm
I agree with Cookielady. I would offer to send over some food (if already made and if possible) knowing that it is a tremendous inconvenience. But canceling does seem like the right thing to do.

Once I was in this position and felt bad canceling. I thought I would call my guests and let them know I was sick and they would on their own not want to come and be exposed to the germs. Instead they said "we don't mind" and came anyhow. Rolling Eyes It was a difficult shabbos for me.
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avigailmiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 2:55 pm
Call and explain and cancel. And if you get sick regularly, like I do, make sure your hosts or guests know that this tends to happen.
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Lani22




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 2:56 pm
I would cancel and offer to send over food.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:05 pm
if she is sick and cannot cook for herself how can she send food ... it's okay to cancel - let them know asap ... and give them a rain check for when you are better ... not only would germs be lurking about - what kind of company will you be ?!?!?! What
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:10 pm
greenfire wrote:
if she is sick and cannot cook for herself how can she send food ...


Well, if you wake up sick on Friday morning, but already made some things the day before... then you have something you can send. It's not always possible, but sometimes it is. And if it is, then it's a nice thing to do.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:10 pm
The problem is what was mentioned here, that I tell someone that I'm really sick and can't have them over for shabbos and they tell me that they are coming anyhow to take care of me....and of course I end up serving them all shabbos and get so sick afterwards that I have to take off a week and stay in bed. I HATE this...people can't hear "NO", they have no boundaries sometimes and I've learned to say that the doctor said that I am very contagious, the house is in quarantine and people are not allowed in. I have had once to even lock my door against very persistent guests who I knew would be terrible for my health.

I learned the lesson once when a friend came over uninvited with her four boys on saturday nite as they were "in the neighborhood" for shabbos at someone else, they live in a small moshav far away. Anyhow one of her boys had chicken pox! Active chicken pox with fever and she went away with him like this for shabbos and exposed everyone and took a sick kid! that's how some people are...the worst part was I told her (at the time we had two) that the kids hadn't had chicken pox and were not vaccinated (in those days no shots for it yet) and they hadn't been exposed and I DID NOT want them exposed, and she wouldn't leave. She sat here with the kid and kept telling me how important it was to expose kids to disease and I kept telling her I have a one kid with a failing immune system and let me make my own decisions.

What happened? Both kids came down with chicken pox. One so bad that she had to be hospitalized and it was touch and go. I will never forget it and as much as I try to...in my heart I just can't forgive her for it...

So that's one of the reasons I am super sensitive about this...especially as I have an autoimmune illness myself.
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Lani22




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:11 pm
greenfire wrote:
if she is sick and cannot cook for herself how can she send food ... it's okay to cancel - let them know asap ... and give them a rain check for when you are better ... not only would germs be lurking about - what kind of company will you be ?!?!?! What


Then I would buy food and send it over. If you are going to cancel friday morning I think this is appropriate. Maybe your potential guest is now not able to cook for her family b/c she thought she was invited out and made plans for fri (like a dr's appointment).....
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:18 pm
Lani22 wrote:
I would cancel and offer to send over food.


I would call it the height of rudeness to accept food from someone who is sick.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:24 pm
Lani22 wrote:
greenfire wrote:
if she is sick and cannot cook for herself how can she send food ... it's okay to cancel - let them know asap ... and give them a rain check for when you are better ... not only would germs be lurking about - what kind of company will you be ?!?!?! What


Then I would buy food and send it over. If you are going to cancel friday morning I think this is appropriate. Maybe your potential guest is now not able to cook for her family b/c she thought she was invited out and made plans for fri (like a dr's appointment).....


if I was sick I would rather people came over and I served very very simple food, like challa and chummous, then to spend friday running around delivering food packages. I could always stay in bed while dh entertained them. if I am sick enough to cancel on guests I am too sick to run around stores and cook food. And I need dhs help with the kids. Of course, if I had lots of money and maids I could pay someone to do it.

Anyway, it would be nice to offer, but I would be horrified if someone actually accepted such an offer. especially from a mother of young kids.

I had this situation a few weeks ago. we invited friends with young kids over, and I knew they would not appreciate being exposed to cold germs, so we told them I was sick and they were fine with it.
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avigailmiriam




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:33 pm
freidasima wrote:
The problem is what was mentioned here, that I tell someone that I'm really sick and can't have them over for shabbos and they tell me that they are coming anyhow to take care of me....and of course I end up serving them all shabbos and get so sick afterwards that I have to take off a week and stay in bed. I HATE this...people can't hear "NO", they have no boundaries sometimes and I've learned to say that the doctor said that I am very contagious, the house is in quarantine and people are not allowed in. I have had once to even lock my door against very persistent guests who I knew would be terrible for my health.

I learned the lesson once when a friend came over uninvited with her four boys on saturday nite as they were "in the neighborhood" for shabbos at someone else, they live in a small moshav far away. Anyhow one of her boys had chicken pox! Active chicken pox with fever and she went away with him like this for shabbos and exposed everyone and took a sick kid! that's how some people are...the worst part was I told her (at the time we had two) that the kids hadn't had chicken pox and were not vaccinated (in those days no shots for it yet) and they hadn't been exposed and I DID NOT want them exposed, and she wouldn't leave. She sat here with the kid and kept telling me how important it was to expose kids to disease and I kept telling her I have a one kid with a failing immune system and let me make my own decisions.

What happened? Both kids came down with chicken pox. One so bad that she had to be hospitalized and it was touch and go. I will never forget it and as much as I try to...in my heart I just can't forgive her for it...

So that's one of the reasons I am super sensitive about this...especially as I have an autoimmune illness myself.


I'd be seething if someone did that to me. You know I have autoimmune issues too and the idea of having chicken poxed kids over; I'd be so angry I'd see red. I live in fear of getting shingles; I watched someone else die from it.

Train your DH to act as a gatekeeper, or get a pitbull.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:34 pm
Took a while after that incident but now he knows how to do it.
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Lani22




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 3:55 pm
Raisin wrote:
Lani22 wrote:
I would cancel and offer to send over food.


I would call it the height of rudeness to accept food from someone who is sick.


I agree that is why I said offer- I doubt anyone would accept.
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Inspired




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 5:21 pm
Raisin wrote:
Lani22 wrote:
I would cancel and offer to send over food.


I would call it the height of rudeness to accept food from someone who is sick.


I second that.

Lani- do you say the same of a death in the family or any other emergency?

I see the scenario now "ooh Shani, I thought you were going away for shabbos, and where did you get the scrumptious looking cake?" "oh, the people we were supposed to go to had a fire thursday night but on their way to stay with her inlaws with her 6 kids she dropped off this cake she bought for us. They brought challah and cholent too. She said it wasthe least she could do after CANCELING on us last minute like that! " 'of course'
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Inspired




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 5:21 pm
Lani22 wrote:
Raisin wrote:
Lani22 wrote:
I would cancel and offer to send over food.


I would call it the height of rudeness to accept food from someone who is sick.


I agree that is why I said offer- I doubt anyone would accept.


Then its not an offer.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 5:33 pm
Lani22 wrote:
greenfire wrote:
if she is sick and cannot cook for herself how can she send food ... it's okay to cancel - let them know asap ... and give them a rain check for when you are better ... not only would germs be lurking about - what kind of company will you be ?!?!?! What


Then I would buy food and send it over. If you are going to cancel friday morning I think this is appropriate. Maybe your potential guest is now not able to cook for her family b/c she thought she was invited out and made plans for fri (like a dr's appointment).....


I know plenty of people who make shabbos on fridays ... they could do it too rather than be so rude not to understand the plight of a sick friend ... Rolling Eyes there's always take-out and if you ask me it should be the other way around - the "guest" should offer to buy the "host" something since she is sick and needs help ... Idea
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Lani22




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 5:39 pm
Inspired wrote:
Raisin wrote:
Lani22 wrote:
I would cancel and offer to send over food.


I would call it the height of rudeness to accept food from someone who is sick.


I second that.

Lani- do you say the same of a death in the family or any other emergency?

I see the scenario now "ooh Shani, I thought you were going away for shabbos, and where did you get the scrumptious looking cake?" "oh, the people we were supposed to go to had a fire thursday night but on their way to stay with her inlaws with her 6 kids she dropped off this cake she bought for us. They brought challah and cholent too. She said it wasthe least she could do after CANCELING on us last minute like that! " 'of course'


umm we are not discussing a death in the family we are discussing if the person is not feeling well enough to have guests over.
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bandcm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 5:40 pm
greenfire wrote:
Lani22 wrote:
greenfire wrote:
if she is sick and cannot cook for herself how can she send food ... it's okay to cancel - let them know asap ... and give them a rain check for when you are better ... not only would germs be lurking about - what kind of company will you be ?!?!?! What


Then I would buy food and send it over. If you are going to cancel friday morning I think this is appropriate. Maybe your potential guest is now not able to cook for her family b/c she thought she was invited out and made plans for fri (like a dr's appointment).....


I know plenty of people who make shabbos on fridays ... they could do it too rather than be so rude not to understand the plight of a sick friend ... Rolling Eyes there's always take-out and if you ask me it should be the other way around - the "guest" should offer to buy the "host" something since she is sick and needs help ... Idea


I thought the same!
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Lani22




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 08 2008, 5:41 pm
greenfire wrote:
Lani22 wrote:
greenfire wrote:
if she is sick and cannot cook for herself how can she send food ... it's okay to cancel - let them know asap ... and give them a rain check for when you are better ... not only would germs be lurking about - what kind of company will you be ?!?!?! What


Then I would buy food and send it over. If you are going to cancel friday morning I think this is appropriate. Maybe your potential guest is now not able to cook for her family b/c she thought she was invited out and made plans for fri (like a dr's appointment).....


I know plenty of people who make shabbos on fridays ... they could do it too rather than be so rude not to understand the plight of a sick friend ... Rolling Eyes there's always take-out and if you ask me it should be the other way around - the "guest" should offer to buy the "host" something since she is sick and needs help ... Idea


Listen I make shabbas on Friday- sometimes I make shabbas one hour before shabbas on Fridays whats that have to do with anything? I would still offer to drop off food - and yes this is still an OFFER even if you think the person would not accept. What if where you live there is no take out and again what if your friend was simply not able to cook for shabbas in the time you gave them. I would offer just in case this was the scenario. Obviously any friend who was at all able to fend for themselves would not accept.


Last edited by Lani22 on Mon, Dec 08 2008, 5:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
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