Friends are scaring me that most of Flatbush is snobby

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 11:27 am

I need help w. a Moving decision within Brooklyn. We've lived in Boro Park all our life. We are Grandparents. My second parent passed away recently, which was the reason we were staying in Boro Park- my remaining parent lived nearby. Now I really have nothing keeping me here. But, I'm hesitant to live in an area where I'll be even more uncomfortable. I am not Chassidish and Boro Park, especially the area where I live is 95% Chassidish. I am tempted to move to Flatbush, to be near people more similar to myself. At the moment I have many very close school friends living in Boro Park, but we mostly communicate by phone, a few times a week, rarely getting together in person. I've been told by friends, that they know many people that lived in Flatbush for a few years and didnt make a single friend in five years. They tell me no one makes new friends at this age and certainly not in Flatbush, where many judge you by the house you live in. On my block in BP, I don't really have close friends, bec. most of the families are either much younger or much older, but atleast we're familiar with one another and we're cordial. I'd be unhappy living on a block where people don't greet one another unless they deem you worthy or know you a long time, which was described to me as the sitch in Flatbush on very many blocks.

What do you think?

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 11:38 am

We left NY a few years ago so the situation might have changed since. But I did find it mostly as you described. Some blocks in Flatbush are more friendly, but it does change from block to block. We lived in Flatbush for a year and hated it. We then moved to Kensington and LOVED it. It was so easy to make friends just by going to shul or walking down the street. There was a nice mix of people and I found them to be for the most part more warm and down to earth. I was sad when we had to leave. But it has been a few years, so who knows?

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 1:35 pm

That hasn't been everyone's experience.

I'm specifically thinking of a young professional successful couple I know, who lived in the high twenties and R, who sold their house, which was a semi detached house, bec. they said the people that lived in the mini mansions on her block, didnt want their kids playing w. hers.

smilingmom

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 1:41 pm

I second the nomination for Kensington. I have lived here 12 years and have had the most wonderful experiences. From organizing meals after a baby is born to giving rooms & houses away for Simchas & Yom Tov. People are friendly and non-judgemental, even if you don't dress the same.
But I must say, I lived on Ave J and loved the conveniences there ie Dunkin Donuts, Pizza & Kosher Delight.
Hatzlacha in whatever you choose.

tovasmom

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 2:01 pm

I'm insulted. I live in Flatbush and do not consider myself to be in the least bit snobby and I live on a nice block with lovely, friendly neighbors who have helped me out many times. Probably the environment of the neighborhood has to be measured on a block by block basis. Generalizing is seldom productive in any way and leads to lots of sinas chinam. Don't you think? Exploding anger

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 2:03 pm

amother wrote:

What you describe as the "snobbiness" of flatbush was exactly my experience in BP. Ilived in 2 places for over a year a piece. Noone said a word to me as a neighbor.

If you dress/act/walk /talk like your neighbors in BP, I think they accept you. I lived here all my life. Now that it's become so Chassidish, if you're not Chassidish you might be umcomfortable in that you're different than most on your block.

In the Twenties and in the Ocean Parkway area (between J and O) parts of Flatbu$h I hear it's very much not what you are , but who you are and who are your friend$.

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 2:45 pm

tovasmom wrote:

Probably the environment of the neighborhood has to be measured on a block by block basis. Generalizing is seldom productive in any way and leads to lots of sinas chinam. Don't you think? Exploding anger

I thought that as well, but friends are warning me I'll be miserable...............

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 2:50 pm

I moved to R and the high 20's last September, and other than my neighbors on either side of me no one talks to me. There are people with young kids on my block who I've seen but never met. A funny story actually, when I moved last year a neghbor saw the truck and welcomed me, imagine her shock to find out I'd been living on her block for 12 years!!

amother

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 3:27 pm

amother wrote:

Whose truck was it?

SuperMama

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 3:33 pm

What are your reasons for moving out of BP?

You don't feel like you fit in and you want to be near friends?

Do you drive? If so, living near by to friends is not as important.

When you say you are a grandparent that could mean in 50s or much older - is this move really worth it? Maybe you want a play where you grandkids could come and play and play with the neighbors children and feel like b/c your grandkids arent chassidish they dont fit in as well either?

I think you should think about your options. If youre a friendly person youll get along anywhere - bp, willy, flatbush, lakewood, everywhere. If youre looking for a place with people your "type" religious then look for blocks in any area where yo uhave that. Do you like your current home, etc. Usually when you dont have contact with your neighbors its partly your own fault as well so if your outgoing annd speak to others I wouldnt worry about it.

Hatzlucha

Strawberry

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 4:40 pm

It really depends on the block. Some are really friendly and some are really not.

I have to say that I do not know all my old neighbors. I mean we said hi and all but I dont know all the kids names. Except for a few families who had kids my age or lived next door, saying hi was the extent of our "relationship."

Then again on the block before that one, it was like one big happy family. Everyone knew each other and socialized together all the time. It was like a bungalow colony. I still remember all the kids names 18 years later. It was a really nice block!

Yakira

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 9:12 pm

Strawberry wrote:

I agree, the block is what makes it or breaks it. My cousins live on a FANTASTIC block, N and East 19th. Its like a bungalow colony there, everyone hangs out outside and shmoozes. I think most people who live in Midwood do have friends but its easier if you know a few people on your block when you start out.

Twizzlers

Wed, Jan 07 2009, 9:17 pm

I'll echo what everyone else is saying. you cant generalize flatbush as being snobby. it really depends on the block. if you want to get a feel of how friendly a block is, I would suggest to drive around at about 5:00 on a day when the weather is nice. you'll be able to see if there are kids outside playing, and moms outside shmoozing, and get a feel for what the people are like....