When do you get involved?

Happy Mom

Thu, Jan 15 2009, 2:06 am

I step in at early signs of unpleasantness, and work with them to express themselves appropriately. Kids don't learn how to effectively interact with one another by being left alone to work it out. They just learn that the stronger one wins.

e1234

Thu, Jan 15 2009, 4:39 am

Iv'e heard that you should not just stick up for kids that hit - you need to stick up also for the kids that was called names - I was told this is why there are so many abusive marriages - through speaking and not necessarily hitting because as kids they grew up not allowed to hit but they could say whatever they want.

that being said - I still am more strict when my kid gets hurt. -- but I wish there was a solution to the endless sibling rivalry - can't siblings always be friends?

Imaonwheels

Thu, Jan 15 2009, 6:46 am

Happy Mom wrote:

Quote:

I've heard that you should not just stick up for kids that hit - you need to stick up also for the kids that was called names - I was told this is why there are so many abusive marriages - through speaking and not necessarily hitting because as kids they grew up not allowed to hit but they could say whatever they want.

Nope. 30 years of parenting, teaching and as a child welfare worker has shown me these are not true but are commonly believed statements. Personal example and consequences are the absolute best way to teach. If I am right there when it starts I can provide guidance. But they are already running with fists up then you will not be heard at that moment.

A father who respects his wife will have children who respect their spouses. When I spent a very difficult year as gannenet in cheder the melamed was a young, newly married man. I told him that if the kids disrespected me he was to step in and if they mouthed off to him preferably I would stop it. And of course we always addressed each other hamelamed, hagannenet in front of the children.