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The worse hostess ever
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Akeres Habayis




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 11:50 am
I had a guest for shabbos.I was ready for her to LEAVE before shabbos even came Crying

anyway
she shows up at a reasonable hour BH.then I told her I just put the baby to bed so if she could put her bags outside the door we can put them in later.
she asked if she could take a shower and is the water going to be hot (we live in israel so its give or take),bc she likes to take long hot showers.then she asked if we had body wash(why she didnt bring her own I dont know).Thank G-d my dd had some,bc I had already put out a new bar of soap and towel for her.then she ask me will the lights be on thru shabbos,I told her no we let the shabbos clock turn them off about 1am,she was very upset w/that answer.she asked if we could leave it on ALL NIGHT.I told her that would disturb the whole hse(our bedroom gets the light from the living room and it shines in our room(no curtains dont work,u can feel the light)plus the toddler will know the light is on and think someone is awake(we believe in pitch black at night so there is no confusion that it is bedtime)and wont go back to sleep(which is exactly what happened).then she asked for heat to be on(the weather has been beautiful BH here so no need for heat).she then asked if we had any fruit for her to eat,I told her sorry I didnt(we hadn't made it to the shuk),bc I made an apple pie and had one orange that I was saving for toddler to eat.she said oh really,bc I like fruit,and she said it with the expectation of me giving it to her!

we put her bags away,then we lit I kept asking her is there anything u need to get out of the room before I put toddler down to sleep.she said no,but she went in the room 3times to get something.one to get her siddur even though we had them out in the living room,2 to check her neger vasser to make sure there was water.and 3 I have no idea.each time toddler slept but I was grinding my teeth.

my dh gave a d'var Torah at the shabbos table and gave over Rabbi Dessler,and connected it to Tanya and a sicho of the Lub Rebbe(my daughter LOVES rabbi dessler).so when he finishes she says,"do u have a sicho of the Rebbe shock .then she said I dont want to hear anything about dessler I want to hear a sicho(personally I found her comment rude).so my dh told her tomorrow I will give one just from the Rebbe and no one else. Confused my daughter piped in, told her why my dh gave over the way he did,which I felt she didnt need to explain ANYTHING.

did I mention about the lights being on to 4am!!and she stayed up until 3:30am walking back and forth back and forth,jiggling doors,my toddler woke up a few times that night,bc why??THE LIGHT KEPT WAKING HER UP AND SHE HEARD HER AS DID THE WHOLE HSEHOLD.NO ONE got any sleep that night until she went to bed!my toddler still woke up at 6am so everyone else was up SHE GOT UP AT 10AM.and had the nerve to say she slept wonderfully!!! Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil


I forgot I told her she could sleep over an extra night bc she wanted to get to her job from us,it would be easier for her.well after shabbos was over,I told her I didnt think it would be a good idea.especially after she told me,she would be up all night,she goes to bed late!I told her I didnt realize how difficult it would be,and since shabbos didnt go over so well it might be better for her to try and go to work from her hse.
so she didnt even care that no one slept bc of the light and that she was up to all hrs of the night.
she kept blaming it on my baby!!I have always had shabbos guests sleep over,it has never ever been a problem w/my toddler.she sleeps thru the night,and if she does wake up,she goes back to sleep,but not if she thinks someone is up.
she actually woke up screaming MORNING,MORNING,bc the lights are never on(as I said before).so I finally blew my top and told her why the toddler was up,why I was so tired,why my dh's eyes were red,and my oldest slept most of the day!if she stayed again my oldest said she would sleep on the couch(during shabbos we switched her to my oldest dd room and my oldest slept w/the toddler).

I still can't believe I sent her away,but I want to blame it on being in my 9th month still nursing a toddler.
I know I will NOT have this person over again.
I found her inconsiderate,self absorbed etc.and me a bad hostess.

I could rearrange the rooms so this doesn't happen again,but like I said before this has never happened.I have guests stay over almost every shabbos,and it hasn't been a problem I even had someone live w/me for 2months and slept in my toddler's room....NO PROBLEM

OK I'm finished!!
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Seraph




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:01 pm
Akeres Habayis-
As someone who has experienced your hostessing skill, I am going to have to refute your post.


NO, you are not the worst hostess ever.
You are one of the best hostesses I've ever been to, and I think you have a ton of patience, and give wonderful company and you make sure every guests' needs are taken care of and you do an amazing job being hostess!!!

Kol Hakavod to Akeres Habayis, Shabbos Hostess extraordinaire!

That being said, some guests are just so difficult that it doesnt matter if your heart is pure gold, it is still very tough to have them over. You did what you did not for selfish reasons, but because you care for your husband and daughters and are very considerate of others needs! Shkoyach to you for putting up with her as well as you did.
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amother


 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:08 pm
akeres
I am sorry to hear it didn't go well..
btw I suggest in future posting such things anonymously. Because I know who you are IRL I know exactly who this person is..!

Posting anon because someone might infer from who I am who you are etc...
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:11 pm
May I also vouch for your hostessing skills? Very Happy

Don't let it get you down...just don't host the same person again...and b'shaa tova!
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shosh




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:22 pm
Having Shabbos guests can be a hit or miss situation. I don't have so many, unfortunately, as I did when I was still married, but in those days my house used to be very open. Most times, pple were fine and were "good guests." But we did have the occasional er... interesting person that came through our doors. Perhaps the worst was the guy who used ALL the hot water (our old house in Maaleh Adumim had a very small solar tank) and then just said with a huge smile on his face as he walked out the shower, "Look at that. I just used all your hot water!" For the rest of Shabbos, he kept on doing these loud chicken impressions for the benefit of our then 3-yr-old dd who didn't laugh even once, and succeeded on getting on everybody's nerves ... Then there were always the professional snorers who'd keep all of us awake while they snored, or the pple who either ate us out of house and home or who wouldn't touch anything, or the vegetarians who didn't warn us before they arrived, or the macrobiotic girl who only told us once she got here (but at least she brought her own food, so she didn't go hungry).

Just write this one off as an unpleasant experience, keep it on your list of after dinner stories, and don't bother inviting her again ....
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:26 pm
,
Quote:
or the vegetarians who didn't warn us before they arrived,


IMHO...this is the worst! Then they play martyrs..."I don't have to eat anything...just salad and dessert is fine"
I don't mind vegetarians in principle..but warn us ahead of time!

about the loud chicken impressions...this one lady kept meowing like a cat at my toddler...grr...
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pinktichel




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:27 pm
Seraph wrote:
Akeres Habayis-
As someone who has experienced your hostessing skill, I am going to have to refute your post.


NO, you are not the worst hostess ever.
You are one of the best hostesses I've ever been to, and I think you have a ton of patience, and give wonderful company and you make sure every guests' needs are taken care of and you do an amazing job being hostess!!!

Kol Hakavod to Akeres Habayis, Shabbos Hostess extraordinaire!

That being said, some guests are just so difficult that it doesnt matter if your heart is pure gold, it is still very tough to have them over. You did what you did not for selfish reasons, but because you care for your husband and daughters and are very considerate of others needs! Shkoyach to you for putting up with her as well as you did.


I second that! I have been at Akeres's house for Shabbos and had such a fantastic time with such incredible divrei torah that I reminisce often to my Dh!
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Seraph




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:31 pm
Oh, could I also add that after I went to Akeres Habayis's house as a guest, I upped my standards as far as hostessing- she taught me a lot as to how to be on the lookout for a guests comfort and needs and wants, and helped me better my skills...

Three cheers for "the worst hostess ever" who is in fact the best hostess ever!!!
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:41 pm
I will say something quite unique about akeres Habyis hostessing style is the way she extends Shabbos. I come in all frantic and bent out of shape because of something that happened on the bus..and the atmosphere is so relaxing, even a short time before candle lighting! She already has the Shabbos mood "on."

and the way she makes motzoi Shabbos...again, extending the Shabbos mood. Her dh tells delightful chassidishe stories...and she really extends Shabbat in both directions...

Don't let one negative experience get you down, Akeres.
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freidasima




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 12:42 pm
she sounds like the guest from....
and you are a marvelous hostess.
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ShakleeMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 4:38 pm
Mental illness is a real killer. It brings everybody down. I’m sorry you had a rough time. I’m sure this gal is used to a lot worse, so don’t beat yourself up.
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bandcm




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 4:43 pm
You sound like a very good hostess, and she sounds horrendous.
BTW it's negel vasser, with an 'l' at the end of negel (meaning nail water).
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MommyLuv




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 5:04 pm
She sounds a bit 'off' and you were amazing. I thought your title should probably read Worst Guest Ever...why blame yourself?
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 6:52 pm
while having the perfect guest might make things easier ... perhaps the test is having the "impossible" guest yet still remaining a perfect hostess ...
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 6:57 pm
Seraph wrote:
Akeres Habayis-
As someone who has experienced your hostessing skill, I am going to have to refute your post.


NO, you are not the worst hostess ever.
You are one of the best hostesses I've ever been to, and I think you have a ton of patience, and give wonderful company and you make sure every guests' needs are taken care of and you do an amazing job being hostess!!!

Kol Hakavod to Akeres Habayis, Shabbos Hostess extraordinaire!

That being said, some guests are just so difficult that it doesnt matter if your heart is pure gold, it is still very tough to have them over. You did what you did not for selfish reasons, but because you care for your husband and daughters and are very considerate of others needs! Shkoyach to you for putting up with her as well as you did
.

Yes some people are clueless about what it means to be guests in someones home. DOn't look at it as a reflecion upon you. You did your job thats all that should matter. B"H not all guests are like that!
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bubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 7:00 pm
I think there should be no more guests for the time being! Now is the time for you to look after you & your family. And I really sympathize...we once had a last minute guest (male) who had to sleep in the living room. He slept naked & GOT OUT OF "BED" when I appeared! shock embarrassed

You have remarkable patience! Wish I'd been there to see her off!
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Blair




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 8:37 pm
You are such a wonderful person, I love coming to your house to visit. Your a great hostess and make everyone that comes to your home feel so comfortable. This person was just rude and you should never invite her back again. I am not even sure I could speak to such a person. I must say that we have hosted many sleep over guests and have never had such a problem. Did she bring you a hostess gift? I don't expect gifts but it is nice when you are sleeping at someones home.

Would you like to come to my house next Friday night for a meal I think you need a break and I always love it when you come.
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 8:41 pm
bubby wrote:
I think there should be no more guests for the time being! Now is the time for you to look after you & your family. And I really sympathize...we once had a last minute guest (male) who had to sleep in the living room. He slept naked & GOT OUT OF "BED" when I appeared! shock embarrassed

You have remarkable patience! Wish I'd been there to see her off!


Why did he get out of bed...out of respect? embarrassed embarrassed LOL
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 8:43 pm
Oy, sounds positively awful.

To be honest, I usually prefer having boys over. They seem to have next to no requirements. AND they get up and go to shul whereas from my experience the girls like to sleep till the men come home from shul. That drives me nuts.

Kol Hakavod to you for opening up your home!
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Feb 07 2009, 8:46 pm
Chossidmom..
that didn't happen in my case, because I brought my two Shabbos alarm clocks Wink

(the two little guys...)
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