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The worse hostess ever
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Mimisinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 10:01 am
Personally it drives me crazy when I have people who come for shabbos that don't go to shul on shabbos day. So, I go, but they stay home (in my house alone) while I go to shul?
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Mimisinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 10:02 am
Oh, and it's not like I get there when they start, more like towards the end....
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 10:35 am
I'd really like to understand why you all seem to be so bothered if a guest sleeps in. How does that affect you in any way, as the hostess - especially if the guest makes no complaints about noise? Some people really need their Shabbos morning sleep-in (especially if they're sleep-deprived during the week). While it's obviously a good thing to do, it is not a chiyuv for a woman to go to shul on Shabbos and you shouldn't be judging her if she chooses to sleep in, especially if she is generally a respectful guest. I'm seriously thinking twice now about going to sleep over anywhere for Shabbos any more - it had never occurred to me before that they would be annoyed with me for my need to sleep in. I totally understand a hostess being annoyed if a guest is rude, demanding, keeps them up, etc. - but sleeping in?
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 11:05 am
If they want to sleep, they should stay home. Not go to a family.
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ChossidMom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 12:47 pm
mimivan wrote:
ChossidMom wrote:
For the record, Mimivan's alarm clocks didn't wake ME (I had my own kids for that LOL ). But even if she hadn't had them to wake her, something tells me she wouldn't have woken up for kiddush.


don't you mean I would have woken up for kiddush? Scratching Head


I meant that you wouldn't have woken up just in time for kiddush!

Man, it's so easy to get misunderstood around here! LOL
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mimivan




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 12:56 pm
no offense taken...beam me up Scotty!
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newmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 6:46 pm
[quote="chocolate moose"]If they want to sleep, they should stay home. Not go to a family.[/quote]

I'm fine if my guests sleep in- it means the acommodations are comfortable. I just make sure that they are up with enough time to get themselves ready for lunch without delaying everyone.
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chabadshb




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 7:45 pm
chocolate moose wrote:
If they want to sleep, they should stay home. Not go to a family.


Why??? I think its` ok to sleep in the morning, but they should wake up for kidush. I have guest almost every week and really makes NO diference for me if they wake up early or not, never happened that they missed kidush, but even this I don`t think I would make a big deal. It`s shabbos, let them rest.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 7:46 pm
What an awful experience.

I had a guest like that once. My DD was recovering from pertussis, and we were quarantined for house guests, though not for meals. She needed a place to stay, I explained the situation but invited her for one meal, and 5 minutes before candlelighting, she showed up on my doorstep saying something had gone wrong with her arrangements, and could I please help her. I put her in the living room, away from the bedrooms. She then proceeded to ask for a comb and toothbrush (at that point I found out she was not yet Jewish), and then she wanted some deodorant.

She announced she was vegetarian, and could I please provide yogurt for her -- I explained that we were having fleishigs for yom tov, so she just looked miffed and picked at some salad.

At the end of a very long 3 days, she began calling me 3 times a week. It has kept up for over a year.
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RightOnTarget




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 7:52 pm
MommyLuv wrote:
She sounds a bit 'off' and you were amazing. I thought your title should probably read Worst Guest Ever...why blame yourself?


Thought so too.
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micki




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 7:57 pm
While I agree that you had a hard time and she was a hard guest, The mitzva of hachnosas orchim is not meant to be easy and pleasurable. that is why it is a mitzva. As a hostess you should anticipate your guests needs and provide for them more than you would for your family. Keeping the fruit for your child, was not correct, you should have offered it to your guest and then some.
Unfortunatly providing for their needs may inconvience you- ie the light on, but that only increases your schar in doing hachnosas orchim. try not to see it as what a horrible guest she was, but rather what a great opportunity for you to go above and beyond what you normally do.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 8:30 pm
micki wrote:
Keeping the fruit for your child, was not correct, you should have offered it to your guest and then some.


a child's needs come before an adult's ...
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Ima'la




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 8:55 pm
Definitely. I would probably give up my orange for the guest, I might encourage a school-age child to choose to give up an orange for a guest, but no way does a toddler have to sacrifice for a guest! A guest does not come before family!

amother whose daughter was in seminary - I don't think sleeping in was the main issue in this case - just elicited remarks b/c it is a pet peeve of many - but I don't think it makes having the guest intolerable for the family. I don't know what seminary your dd went to or where this took place, but when I was in sem it was very rare to stay over on motzei Shabbos - keep in mind that most homes here are small, so having a sleepover guest often requires room-shuffling - and Sunday is a regular day - kids need to be in school and adults at work bright and early as always. (Not to mention that your dd should be back in class!) Furthermore, I would be thrilled to be driven to the bus stop - I would not even expect that of my hosts - for sure not for them to wait around with me for the bus, unless it was in some remote location by the side of the highway, or something, for some reason. I don't know what part of the country this took place in, but in general, it is not NY - it is perfectly acceptable for a sem girl to travel by herself at night (as opposed to NYC, where I might not leave a sem girl standing by a bus stop alone at night). My point is just that you probably don't need to worry that it was because of her behavior, and that also it may have just been a cultural misunderstanding.
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Akeres Habayis




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 11:12 pm
1.I dont mind when guests sleep in...well I do if its a bachur(it only happened once,we thought he left for shul already,until I hear him coming out of his room in boxers and t-shirt shock )when my dh came home he told the bachur in no uncertains terms that when he leaves the hse,the bachur needs to leave too.

as far as the orange goes,I was a little concerned that she was coming down w/something,and I know an orange is the only thing she will eat,if she is not in a good mood.if guests feel they need to have specific things then she should have brought something,but she didnt.
when I go away for shabbos,I have all kind of goodies.I love cake,and chocolate,my dd loves bamba etc.so I bring it w/me.if my host/hostess has these things then great,but if not...its no big deal.
I remember staying by a good friend's hse,and before I left mine I took sooo many things that had sugar in it.my friend doesn't eat it,so I knew the dessert would be...not to my liking so I made sure to bring my own and ate it in my room Wink)

personally I think I had everything a guest could need,but it wasn't what she wanted. when u stay at someone's home and u know,u are particular about certain things,eating,noshing,grooming.BRING YOUR OWN.why should I have had body wash for a guest?I gave her a brand new bar of soap(learned that one from Oprah).

someone suggested I get a shabbos lamp which might be a good idea.

another thing that bothered me,was why didnt she go sit in her room to read during the day??I wanted to take a much needed nap,and my dh was learning in the living room,she stayed in there w/him(there isnt' another room but the bedrooms).
maybe its just me,but I would have gotten up and went to my room,if I saw the lady of the hse,or nobody else around but the dh.I dont engage them in conversation unless its a group discussion at the shabbos table,and I never look at him,I either look at my dh,or the hostess even though I'm addressing the host.
a very close friend of mine stays by me a lot,and I told her,please dont stretch out on the couch in front of my dh.she clearly didnt understand that it may not be tznius!
I'm I going overboard about that??
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Ima'la




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 11:16 pm
Unless it is a VERY small living room, I don't think I would see anything wrong with reading (sitting up!) on the couch while s/o else's DH learns at the dining room table. Stretching out is kinda overboard, but I can see that someone might not be sensitive enough to realize that, especially someone single.
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Teacup9




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Feb 08 2009, 11:30 pm
Once I was an awful guest. My baby was in NICU over shabbos and I couldn't get a room at the hospital or a nearby hotel. Someone who knew someone's brother gave us the address of someone who had a mostly empty basement we could stay in.

I really wanted to light alone in the basement, but my husband asked the hostess where I should light and she took my candles and set them up upstairs. I got dressed for Shabbos and went upstairs and got ready to light, but that is when I noticed I had a new candle for my new baby who was stuck in NICU. I think I cried big loud tears for an hour. She tried to comfort me and I learned she volunteered at the hospital where I'd given birth. Somehow while trying to stop my tears I got very angry with the hospital and proceeded to tell this woman everything that was wrong with it.

She invited me to come up anytime, but I spent all Shabbos at NICU and only came back very late to sleep. Afterward we said good bye and thank you and asked where we could leave the sheets and towels. I always meant to send a gift or at least a thank you note. Things were still stressful for a while and I never did the right thing. Now my baby is 15 months and I can't remember her address and the person who knew the person who just happened to talk to the person who told us about the house can not be found.

Now obviously my situations was much different than your guest's, but I want to thank you for reminding me that I need to find a way to thank my hostess and probably do teshuvah.
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Akeres Habayis




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 09 2009, 12:21 am
Teacup9 wrote:
Once I was an awful guest. My baby was in NICU over shabbos and I couldn't get a room at the hospital or a nearby hotel. Someone who knew someone's brother gave us the address of someone who had a mostly empty basement we could stay in.

I really wanted to light alone in the basement, but my husband asked the hostess where I should light and she took my candles and set them up upstairs. I got dressed for Shabbos and went upstairs and got ready to light, but that is when I noticed I had a new candle for my new baby who was stuck in NICU. I think I cried big loud tears for an hour. She tried to comfort me and I learned she volunteered at the hospital where I'd given birth. Somehow while trying to stop my tears I got very angry with the hospital and proceeded to tell this woman everything that was wrong with it.

She invited me to come up anytime, but I spent all Shabbos at NICU and only came back very late to sleep. Afterward we said good bye and thank you and asked where we could leave the sheets and towels. I always meant to send a gift or at least a thank you note. Things were still stressful for a while and I never did the right thing. Now my baby is 15 months and I can't remember her address and the person who knew the person who just happened to talk to the person who told us about the house can not be found.

Now obviously my situations was much different than your guest's, but I want to thank you for reminding me that I need to find a way to thank my hostess and probably do teshuvah.


ARE U KIDDING ME!! u shouldn't think twice about your behavior.WHO IS RATIONAL at a time like that!!

if u find her,that's nice,but if not,then that's also ok.when I read your story how u can't remember anyone,the first thought that came to mind,is eliyahu hanavi!!

I'm very happy there is a happy ending,u should only receive revealed nachas and no problems from the kinderlach!!
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Teacup9




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 09 2009, 12:24 am
Akeres Habayis wrote:


ARE U KIDDING ME!! u shouldn't think twice about your behavior.WHO IS RATIONAL at a time like that!!

if u find her,that's nice,but if not,then that's also ok.when I read your story how u can't remember anyone,the first thought that came to mind,is eliyahu hanavi!!

I'm very happy there is a happy ending,u should only receive revealed nachas and no problems from the kinderlach!!


Thank you. I know it isn't the same, but still I did tell her everything was wrong with the place where she volunteered and in an angry way. But really I don't like that I didn't send her a thank you note and some chocolate or flowers for shabbos. I wasn't raised that way. I could have even sent them a month or two late, because people understand when you have a new baby, but I never did it and that is wrong. I often though about driving around the hospital and seeing if anything looks familiar, but I don't have much hope. Funny I named my son Eliyahu.
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Akeres Habayis




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 09 2009, 12:25 am
Ima'la wrote:
Unless it is a VERY small living room, I don't think I would see anything wrong with reading (sitting up!) on the couch while s/o else's DH learns at the dining room table. Stretching out is kinda overboard, but I can see that someone might not be sensitive enough to realize that, especially someone single.


thanks for the answer.I wasn't sure.the living room isn't that small,BH.and my dh doesn't even notice whose there even when its me.sometimes I can actually hear his eyes ripping from the page when I call him LOL
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supermama2




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Feb 09 2009, 5:18 am
lol I know what you mean about the eyes ripping from the page!

As far as guests sleeping in, I meant sleeping in 'till nearly lunch then after lunch going back to room 'till nearly dinner Exploding anger Do you think that's acceptable? Just wondering here. All guests are sent, I think, from HKBH as a test or bracha of some sort Very Happy
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