Must I give her? | Imamother

amother

Mon, Feb 23 2009, 7:36 am

I have a neighbor who considers me a good friend, has few friends, but really annoys the daylights out of me. I've tried to befriend her and gotten no where in a few years. I cringe at the thought of get togethers with her. I dont think she has picked up on this, as I'm always polite when I see her. She recently slighted me, hurt my feelings, but I dont think she even realized.

I'm giving a few shaloch manos only... must I give her even if I am really bothered by her if I know she may easily get offended if I don't? I know the point of mishloach manos is to increase shalom and love between people, so I probably shouldnt cause hurt by not giving, but I'll end up being resentful to her if I do give. she's moving away not much after purim....

mandksima

Mon, Feb 23 2009, 9:32 am

One golden rule of mine is to never end a relationship poorly. You never know when you'll see her again and you don't want her to know she is annoying to you. If you want to like her better but are having trouble then doing a chessed like giving (mishaloch manot) is the remedy. You give love and then you learn to love your fellow Jew.

willow

Mon, Feb 23 2009, 9:37 am

I am in a similar stitch. I have a neighbor who I barely know. We never go to the park together, don't talk, usually a wave some polite convo when we pass ways and its fine. I consider her an acquaintance. Recently she called me to ask me a question and got really upset at something I said. I apologized if she was offended but it was the start of a huge meltdown (or I should say dressing down) on her part. She brought up all of these issues she has with ppl but it had nothing to do with me as again I barely have anything to do with her. Now she won't look at me (without giving me a dirty look) I am the type of person that is super careful about keeping my side of the street clean.
I talked it over with big people and they all agree I DID NOTHING WRONG. I spend days thinking about it I cried over it because I don't like when ppl are upset and try to do everything to appease them. But My Rav my teachers everyone agrees I did nothing wrong and she obviously (from the things she said) was having a hard day and took out a ton of resentment that was with other people and I became her scapegoat. I am so willing to look the other way.I feel H-shem gave this test to me to teach me that I don't have to become a doormat and ppl please just so the whole world is happy.
Now we are also not giving out a lot of mm to ppl
(You are probably thinking yay the point of willows post;) Wink

but the question is do we specifically give to her? Normally nothing to do with her. But she is in a rage. What to do? Especially because I don't even know if it will do anything. Then I think maybe I am trying to ppl please just so she won't be angry and I will be giving it to her to appease her.

bubby

Mon, Feb 23 2009, 9:48 am

I don't think you should. It'll just start it all up again. Let it go. Your Rav says you didn't do anything wrong, so why prolong the agony? Forget it & this crazy lady.

I thought Purim was supposed to be fun. Add this issue to my post about going overboard & getting all stressed out. Gee, & I never even thought of arguments playing a part. I must be dumber than even I thought Confused