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Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Motek
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Wed, Dec 22 2004, 12:19 pm
I don't know when this started, but have you noticed how parents tell their children to do things, but then qualify it by asking, "okay?"
for example:
"It's time to put your toys away, okay?"
"Go get dressed, okay?"
"Finish getting ready for bed, okay?"
I think it sends a confusing message to the kids. Are you telling them to do something and they have to do it, OR are you suggesting that they do it and they only have to do it if they agree that it's a good thing to do?
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Yael
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Wed, Dec 22 2004, 2:57 pm
I dont agree with saying ok. it does send a mixed message. I think the ones that say ok do it b/c they are scared of giving orders. maybe b/c they had a bad experience with a "dictator" type of parent. so they dont want to be like that.
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miriam
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Wed, Dec 22 2004, 9:18 pm
Also, when saying okay, it leaves the coversation open for the child to say NO. I have to hold myself back from saying okay. Motek, it's so funny. I think about this topic all the time. Sometimes I say okay because I want to be sure my child heard me. I grew up thinking I wanted my house to be a democracy. I now see that you can find a line where your child can voice their opinion and idea but in the end, the parent is the boss.
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Motek
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Wed, Dec 22 2004, 9:35 pm
Quote: | I grew up thinking I wanted my house to be a democracy |
understandable, especially in today's day and age, but oy!
Quote: | I now see that you can find a line where your child can voice their opinion and idea but in the end, the parent is the boss. |
and sometimes, their opinion is not welcome!
instead of saying okay, to be sure they heard you, how about asking, "Did you hear me?" or "Can you tell me what I just said?"
freilich posted some helpful hints to ensure that your message is getting across, in: Is this Your Parenting Discipline Style in Kid's Discipline
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gryp
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Wed, Dec 22 2004, 9:58 pm
Quote: | I grew up thinking I wanted my house to be a democracy. |
do you know how many people want this? its astounding! Miriam, you are so lucky you realized whats wrong with that, because it just creates lots and lots of big unnecessary trouble!
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Tefila
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Wed, Dec 22 2004, 10:32 pm
Quote: | freilich posted some helpful hints to ensure that your message is getting across, in: Is this Your Parenting Discipline Style in Kid's Discipline |
Thanks, not mine a good friend sent it to me!!
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hadasa
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Thu, Dec 23 2004, 3:18 am
My father laughs at me that my home is a democracy, but it really isn't. The secret is : I give my kids the right to choose whenever possible, meaning when it doesn't really matter to me what they choose. I feel this way they are more ready to accept those things they have no choice in. (not saying they never complain, though !!)
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Motek
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Wed, Sep 28 2005, 8:13 am
I overheard a mother talking to her children for about 15 minutes. Anything she said, she concluded with "okay?"
drove me nuts!
and it wasn't like they responded with, "Okay, Mommy"
and it wasn't like they listened to her either
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Pearl
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Wed, Sep 28 2005, 8:15 am
[ Quote: | quote="hadasa"]My father laughs at me that my home is a democracy, but it really isn't. The secret is : I give my kids the right to choose whenever possible, meaning when it doesn't really matter to me what they choose. I feel this way they are more ready to accept those things they have no choice in. (not saying they never complain, though !!) | [/quote]
I agree with you, hadasa.
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ElTam
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Wed, Sep 28 2005, 9:05 am
Another thing to think about is that not accustoming a child to obey can cause very big problems in school, because teachers/rebbes aren't going to tolerate whining and dawdling and ignoring when kids don't want to do something. And even if the kinderlach are in a setting where that is tolerated, the time they spend doing that is lost learning time. Those early habits are hard to break.
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tzivi
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Wed, Sep 28 2005, 9:17 am
Motek,
how right you are.
Thankyou for bringing up this topic. I never even realised that I was doing it until I actually thought about, after reading your post.
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Meema2Kids
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Wed, Sep 28 2005, 11:37 am
I usually say "Do you understand?" after I give a command, that's really what I think a lot of parents are trying to say when they say "Okay?"
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