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-> Interesting Discussions
Mitzvahmom
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Wed, Mar 25 2009, 9:17 pm
Wayne Brockriede wrote an article called "Arguers as Lovers" in which he discussed how people can be unethical communicators. He uses the metaphor of love and relations to make the point.
One type of unethical communicator is called the Rhetorical Rapist. This person uses techniques of force and coercion to get what they want. Parents frequently resort to rhetorical rape. When a young child won't behave, and won't listen to reason, one parenting strategy is to eventually shout and threaten negative consequences. This may be acceptable for parenting in some situations, but is it acceptable between adults? Have you ever had a teacher verbally abuse you in this way? A family member? A friend? If so, then the other person is using techniques of rhetorical rape to get what they want.
The second type of unethical communicator is call the Rhetorical Seducer. This person gets what they want by using charm and deceit. If you have ever been lied to so that another person could get what they want, you have been a victim of this kind of unethical communicator. Salespeople sometimes have the reputation of seducing you to get their commission. If they are acting like your friend, then you should probably watch out. Servers might engage in a little rhetorical seduction to increase the percentage of their tip.
Brockriede says that to be a truly ethical communicator, you need to be a Rhetorical Lover. This person is honest, respectful, patient, and vulnerable. They would not use deceit or force to get what they want, but that does not mean they won't argue. It just means that they will argue fairly and respectfully. They will admit when they have been beaten. How often do you, or does anybody, say "You are right. Your argument is better than mine so I will change my mind." Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all always did this? Give it a shot sometime. You will impress others with how reasonable you are, and you may find that it makes your life easier.
I would hope that I am a Rhetorical Lover, but sometimes I admit to being the other two above. First one, especially when frustrated, but I do not like the term used here...
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leomom
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Thu, Mar 26 2009, 12:02 am
The concepts are interesting, but I have to admit that the terminology offends me. I also think that by using such loaded words, the author is likely to be preventing people from assessing themselves honestly so that they can work on self-improvement. Who wants to associate themselves with the first category, however fleetingly? It's hard even to read the term and its description, let alone contemplate whether or not it might occasionally apply to my own behavior.
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