Purim Pressure -tips to make it calmer

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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim

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Mommy912

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 7:08 pm

Do you find Purim to be a very stressful Yom-Tov?
Any tips on making the day calmer?

I make sure that my house is spotless before I start doing the Shalach Manos (Purim Night), otherwise I freak out when I think about people coming over and seeing the mess.
When I know that when I am done doing the Shalach Manos I can go to bed, I can enjoy putting it together and seeing the bits and pieces become the (hopefully) adorable Shalach Manos.
I also make at least 5 more Shalach Manos than I need - usually they are gone by the end of the day.
I try to put things in my Shalach Manos that my family will eat and enjoy if I have extra. I learned this the hard way after being stuck once with 8 bottles of chocolate milk - tried to give them away but some ended up spoiling.
No packagings that will be ruined if carried by a small child.

stem

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 7:54 pm

Thank you, those are very good thing to keep in mind!

downsyndrome

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 8:12 pm

Thanks Mommy of 912 children - that was nice advice. My question is: How do I handle the pressure UNTIL Purim? I find that by the time Purim arrives I have it all together (even though I am a 'shmatta'). It's the days leading up to Purim that frazzle me out completely. I am already hanging lists all over the house of what needs to be taken care of:
The 'usual' shalach monos
The 'out-of-town' shalach monos (I.e. Europe...)
The corporate shalach monos (New York, New Jersey, private homes, businesses, male, female, etc. whew!!!)
Gifts for special people who've been special to us during the year and we wait for Purim to reciprocate
The kids' costumes'
My own Purim seudah at home Purim morning after megillah
Our joint family Purim seudah at night right after megilllah where everybody brings some of the food
Trying to 'chap arein' Pesach cleaning too
The kids having the flu
Etc. etc....

chocolate moose

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 8:18 pm

It's a very hard, tiring, and stressful day.

I used to spend the month ahead making my own hard candy and decorated chocolates, but no more. I don't define my worth by what I send out!

Costumes, if any, are decided well in advance.

The mishloach manos is just nosh in containers. IF DH or DD wants to make homemade stuff, I let them. Otherwise we make a budget and stick to it.

If I am doing a theme, this too is decided in advacne, along with any stickers etc to be made or bought.

And I don't put anything perishable in them; it's just nosh, as I said before! The kids have a sayin what is in the containers, but only within reason.

If I can get invited out for the seudah, I do.....megillah I hear in a house (PM me if you want to come with me by day)

And I don't go into the office, I don't care what the boss says...and I don't do the carnivals the night before, we need all our strength!

chocolate moose

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 8:21 pm

Oy, and I don't run all over town, tracking down my friends,,,who are probably out with their kids.

I give two for the mitzvah, and one is a neighbor who appreciates food for the seudah. so I make that for her.

the others are recycled. it's such a busy day, n o one cares what they give or get....

southernbubby

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 8:32 pm

My husband in an avel for the second Purim in a row so we keep it quiet.

Tefila

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 8:51 pm

Quote:

I make sure that my house is spotless before I start doing the Shalach Manos (Purim Night), otherwise I freak out when I think about people coming over and seeing the mess.

Ditto here Very Happy

though unsure what the point is it just gets messy again.
Besides our frontier is always spotless, it's the kitchen hidden away, w/h packaging and sampling which gets out of control sometimes and noone comes near that danger zone outside family. so why do I bother to try to keep semblance there why Confused

Motek

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:09 pm

downsyndrome - eliminating all shalach manos that cannot be delivered on foot or by car within 20 minutes will make it all much less stressful

downsyndrome

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:20 pm

Motek, the delivery of the shalach monos is not my major stress. Many of them will have to be sent by car service the day b/4 Purim, especially the corporate ones. The delivery of the 'regulars' on Purim day are not all that stressful; it's the rest of the list - the before Purim preparations!

Crayon210

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:24 pm

That sounds like a lot of work!

First maybe prioritize-what's the most important to you to get done. Can any of it be eliminated. Or modified.

Second, make a schedule...first list how long each task will take, based on smaller steps (I.e., planning seuda menu, buying ingredients, preparing each dish, cooking each dish, etc.) and then make yourself a schedule from now until Purim.

Motek

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:25 pm

my point was not exactly the delivery but eliminating dealing with any mishloach manos that is not local, even before Purim

red sea

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:29 pm

Remember how much fun and no stress purim was as a teenager? what fun u had prepping the stuff for your friends?

my tip: Start ideas well in advance, don't leave it to the last 2 weeks, it helps.

downsyndrome

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:34 pm

No eliminations possible! In fact, the list keeps on growing! Oh well, the story of my life - I guess I've dealt with all different types of stress, Yom Tov and non-Yom Tov related and I'll deal with it now too, B'ezras Hashem!
Thanks y'all for trying - there's no way out for me. Whichever way I look to try to cut corners it just doesn't work.
...And then the appts. in between all the work and preparation - we need to see my dauhter's cardiologist next week which is a full day in the hospital, weddings, going away for Shabbos for 'work' and pleasure, PTA meeting, and on and on and on...

chen

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:37 pm

First of all, I have never gotten caught up in the mishloach monos madness. The only reason I send overseas is because there are orgs that will do this for you as a fund raiser. You send them a check and they deliver to your aunt in Holon or your friend's dtr in Yerusholayim, but that's really a tzedaka thing.

I take full advantage of all the shuls and other orgs that have mishloach monos projects, and there are more every year. That takes care of the folks from shul and school.

For those ppl whom I didn't already put down on an org. list- but who end up sending me a pekaleh--I throw together something on the spot, either from stuff I have at home already (individually wrapped teabags, fruit, nuts, whatever) or cannibalized from pekalach I got from others. These would be ppl from the neighborhood. we wouldn't dream of delivering outside of our own neighborhood.

The LR table is "mishloach monos central". Everything that comes in goes on that table, as do some extra bags or boxes or whatever we have, some fruit, nuts, hamantashen and so on--but just a few!

ppl delivering to us are not going through the whole house. all they see is the hallway and the LR. who cares what the rest of the house looks like?

I have also never gotten caught up in the "you gotta have a theme, you gotta have color-coordinated decorations" madness. I cannibalize baskets, decorations, etc. from what we get--mostly b/c it's a shame to use a ribbon or a basket only once. If we get a package with a mask on it, or curling ribbon or bows, it goes right on to the next package we make, if we have to make one.

later in the day, I make packages for some (mostly non-frum) neighbors whom I otherwise wouldn't send mishloach monos to and who I suspect do not get very many, if any. again I cannibalize stuff that we got. (You think I want all that chazzerei in my house? right before pesach, yet?)

No, I will never win national recognition for my clever themes or creative contents. but guess what? I am still yotzei the mitzvoh, the people who get mishloach monos appreciate it (or not!) regardless, and Purim holds no terrors for me. In fact, it is my absolutely favorite holiday.

.

downsyndrome

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:40 pm

Ha! REd Sea! I can reminisce all I want. The stress was on my mother's head then. Now I'm in those shoes and my kids are having a blast...It's okay. I'm just involved in too many things and when they all come together it's kinda S-T-R-E-S-S-F-U-l

hardwrknmom

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:43 pm

I was just told that Purim isn't supposed to be a burden.

downsyndrome

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 9:54 pm

U-huh, and neither is Pesach supposed to be a burden, and neither is giving birth supposed to be a burden and neither is raising kids supposed to be a burden and neither is marrying off kids supposed to be a burden and neither is being a member of the sandwich generation supposed to be a burden, and neither is anything in our lives supposed to be a burden, and you know what? You're right! It isn't a burden, but it certainly is stressful. I do it with joy in my heart, with excitement (I baked Purim cookies with my kids this afternoon and we had an absolute ball!), with anticipation, but there is a lot of stress involved, and I've basically resigned myself to it.
Let me give you a tiny scenario:For this upcoming Shabbos this is what is going on in my life: My upstairs neighbor, who I am very close friends with, and who took my six-year-old to the country this past summer for SIX WEEKS, is making an aufruf for her son. For her simcha I am ordering a cake, buying her a gift, which needs to be taken to a florist after purchase and worked on with fresh flowers, etc. Then, my first cousin in Monroe is making an aufruf for her son, so I am ordering some goodies for her and sending them to her, then we are going to Lakewood for Shabbos and we are going to be guests at somebody's home, so I am working on getting something for our hosts, and then adding some goodies for melave malka which will take place on a large scale in honor of our coming.... and this is all pre-Purim!!!
Get the idea of what I mean by stress? This is all fun and I love to treat people, and these are all 'musts', but they are just a tiny fragment of the work that awaits me.

roza

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 10:09 pm

it's old but fits in here:

Mommy912

Sun, Feb 26 2006, 10:39 pm

Roza, that is really cute Smile

lucky

Mon, Feb 27 2006, 11:41 am

If it would be up to me, I would send mishloach monos to my 3 neighbors, mom, and MIL. But my husband works with 6 others +2 bosses, his freinds, people he knows through work. My sons go to their rebbe, my daughters go to their teachers. So I never can get away with less than 30-40 MM.

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