How to avoid the lashon hara???

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Tue, May 12 2009, 4:56 pm

Next door neighbor is a really wonderful person and has helped us so much over the years. A true baalas chesed. Unfortunately she is a huge talker too who says a lot of lashon hara, almost nonstop in fact. She's a warm caring person but way too involved in and opinionated about other people's lives. She's not a mean person, just her conversation is very focused on other people and she loves to gossip.

We live in a "bungalow colony" type environment where everyone hangs out in each other's yards and the kids are in and out of the neighbors' houses. I don't know what to do! There is no way to avoid this neighbor. how can I get her to stop talking lashon hara around me, and more importantly, around my impressionable kids who hang around avidly listening to her gossip????

If you can help me figure this out I will be soooo grateful!!!

chocolate moose

Tue, May 12 2009, 7:17 pm

amother wrote:

Being that loshon horah isn't allowed, are you sure what she is saying isn't allowed ?

Mommastuff

Tue, May 12 2009, 8:22 pm

Just try to avoid her. If she were some crazy dangerous women, I'm sure you could find a way to keep you and your kids away from her.

And if you can't, then you do most of the talking when you're near her till you two part.

amother

Tue, May 12 2009, 9:00 pm

CM, yes I'm sure.

Mommastuff, I guess you are right, it's not easy for me because I'm not a talkative person, but I guess I'll have to try hard to interrupt her lashon hara and constantly redirect it. They say the Chofetz Chaim really exerted himself to keep conversations "kosher" and talked a lot (in a good way) because of that.

chocolate moose

Wed, May 13 2009, 10:28 am

Maybe the 2 of you could learn the dinim of LH together so there is no doubt.

amother

Wed, May 13 2009, 12:14 pm

CM I don't understand your post. Can you explain? I get the feeling you're hinting at something but I'm confused. Are you suggesting my post is LH? Are you suggesting that people don't usually say LH, so hers probably really isn't?

chocolate moose

Wed, May 13 2009, 12:25 pm

I don't think a lot of ppl know wht LH really is.

louche

Wed, May 13 2009, 1:06 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

I don't think a lot of ppl know wht LH really is.

True, but I think rather more people think that what is LH ,isn't, than think that what isn't LH, is. Counting LH, rechilus and motzi shem ra together, as all three are verboten.

chocolate moose

Wed, May 13 2009, 2:13 pm

You're entitled to your opinion, but I hold firmly by my statement.

amother

Wed, May 13 2009, 2:35 pm

CM, I'm actually surprised, I think most people do know what LH is. I could be wrong.

The conversations go like this:
Me: So how was your trip to visit your sister? (dumb, I know, but I thought for sure she'd have had a great time and would want to talk about something POSITIVE)
Her: Oy they drove me crazy, she totally has no control over her kids, she lets them get away with everything. (Blah blah blah...lots of details and anecdotes....)

louche

Wed, May 13 2009, 2:48 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

You're entitled to your opinion, but I hold firmly by my statement.

and your point is...?

louche

Wed, May 13 2009, 2:49 pm

Oh, I get it. You're being dan the neighbor lechaf zechus, that she doesn't know what LH is and if OP would only enlighten her, she'd stop?

chocolate moose

Wed, May 13 2009, 3:01 pm

Of course.

Loshon horah is ossur.

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