My children attended a public school

amother

Thu, Mar 16 2006, 1:11 am

Yes, my children attended a public school. My husband's job (rav) took us out of town. My kids attended to local day school (frum principal, not a frum school), but it was a disaster on many levels. (My then-kindegartener decided one week before Pesach that year that she hated school and was not going back. We took her out and sent her to nursery. My then-first grader would make herself vomit so as not to go to school. She stayed the entire year.) We thought about removing the kids half-way through that year, but in the end decided against it. At the end of the year, we knew they could not go back to this school. We went to other (non-frum) private schools, explored homeschooling, and public school. In the end public school was the best choice. I could not home school b/c I was due in Oct. of that year. My husband had a year left on the contract, so we could not leave.
The public school was amazing. My children were treated beautifully. Everyone was so respectful and went out of their way to ensure that our children's relgious observances were not compromised. They even took them to wash before lunch! However, b/c of the day school my kids needed to repeat kindergarten and 1st. They learned nothing at the days school and were so behind. Some days I am so sad about this, but I try to move on.
We are, Baruch Hashem, now in a frum community. I get many questions about my kids previous schooling. We were advised by the school administration here not to mention that my kids attended a public school so that they would not be shunned. I feel so uncomfortable when asked. I don't want to lie, but I know that telling people where the kids were will hurt our family. I simply say the lack of proper chhinuch was one of the reasons we moved. Still, it doesn't feel quite right. I'm not lying, but I know I'm not really answering the question. Also, people get very curious when they realize that my kids are each 1 year older than the rest of their grade. I don't know what to say.
My kids don't talk about where they went and can't even remember their teachers. They did not have friends and did not play at anyone's house. School was simply where they went to learn English subject. We had a private tutor for Hebrew.
Can someone help me with what to say?

Mandy

Thu, Mar 16 2006, 2:59 am

"Our kids went to a great school, unfortunately it did not meet our expectations in hashkafa and levels of frumkeit. "

Alternatively, you could be upfront and find out who your friends are.

What is the big deal with all these nosy people ? Your kids are going to be shunned for having attended a public school for one year in kindergarten/1st ? Huh ?

queen

Thu, Mar 16 2006, 8:20 am

amother wrote:

I simply say the lack of proper chhinuch was one of the reasons we moved

you seem to have handled the situation very well.
Keep reminding yourself that someone else asking nosey questions doesn't mean you must answer. It's your decision with whom and what you wish to share. Don't let others dictate your life.

glad to hear that things are doing better!
8)

amother

Thu, Mar 16 2006, 3:22 pm

thanks so much for the supportive answers thus far...much appreciated!

ektsm

Wed, Mar 22 2006, 9:55 am

You don't have to tell anyone anything. If they ask you where your kids went to school previously just say "out of town" if they ask more questions just smile and go onto another topic. It is really none of anyones buisness. ALso people might hear public school and be alarmed but they don't realize that cercumstances or why!

Mamushka

Tue, Apr 11 2006, 6:19 am

I went to a public school. I got married to a great frum guy and ... THere are places where you don't have a choice or this is the best choice.
It's sad to see how narrow minded so many communities are..
Be proud that you made the right choices for your kids.

southernbubby

Tue, Apr 11 2006, 7:48 am

I hate to say it but there are some things that the yeshivos could learn from the public schools. For example, most public schools is this community have a "no bullying" policy. That means that it is against the rules to make fun of someone. Our yeshivas need to implement this policy.

amother

Tue, Apr 11 2006, 8:29 am

My son's Yeshiva has a zero-tolerance-for-bullying policy. Unfortunately, the way they define "bullying" is directly related to how much $$$$ the bully's parents donate.

elisecohen

Tue, Apr 11 2006, 9:24 am

Sadly, we had the exact same experience in one yeshiva school.

mompete

Tue, Apr 11 2006, 10:15 am

I think that you should be proud that you heard the needs of your children and did the best for them with your circumstances. You don't need to explain to other people the why and how but know that until you could get them to a frum school you made the best choice possible for the wellfare of your children.

miriam

Tue, Apr 11 2006, 4:02 pm

southernbubby wrote:

They implemented this in the school in Pittsburgh. Very Happy

shelly

Sun, Apr 23 2006, 4:16 am

My children attended a public school and we have recently switched them to the Jewish day school here. Does anyone have any ideas on ways to help them with the transition ? It is really hard for them, especially because of the hebrew.

chen

Tue, Apr 25 2006, 12:16 pm

queen wrote:

Keep reminding yourself that someone else asking nosey questions doesn't mean you must answer.

A difficult but important lesson to learn!

Your response to the nosey parkers is just right. FWIW, any transfer between schools--even from one yeshiva ketana to another in the same city--can result in children being out of sync, age-wise, with their classmates, due to differing birthdate cutoffs and differing curricula. (For example, in some schools the children are taught in preschool to read hebrew fluently enough to use a siddur, and all entering first graders are expected to be at this level. A child transferring from a preschool that taught only the alef-beis would have to either get intensive tutoring the previous summer to come up to speed, or else be put back a year. )