SAHM and cleaning ladies

amother

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 1:43 pm

Why do any SAHM's have cleaning ladies? Don't SAHMs have more time to clean that working women do not, and hence need a cleaning lady? How do people afford a cleaning lady if the wife isnt bringing in a salary? Do SAHMs with cleaning ladies view it as a luxury or as a basic need, and if its a basic need, why?

(I can understand a SAHM with 4 kids under 5 or whatever, but a stay at home mom with between one and three kids that arent that close in age?)

I'm really not judging. I'm just trying to understand, because I'm a stay at home mom and would never dream of hiring a cleaning lady and I wonder what makes other people find it necessary. I'm looking for enlightment, to really understand, and not to be yelled at "How dare you judge! You don't know our situation!" I'm saying, can you explain to me the situation so that I and others don't judge you at all, once we know the fuller picture.

mommalah

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 1:47 pm

SAHM's don't necessarily have the entire day to devote to their house. Their kids mess up the house every single day and most of the time (at least in my situation) I'm just doing basic maintenance. There is also food shopping, dinner preparation, and actually caring for the kid/s one is home with! My house was much cleaner when I was working F/T because everyone was out of the house all day everyday. I don't have a cleaning lady right now but am seriously considering getting one. If one can afford it, whether or not they are working or SAHM, I say go for it!

mommalah

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 1:49 pm

amother wrote:

So you want the full picture so you can then judge? Scratching Head

amother

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:00 pm

Oh my- where should I start. I am a SAHM. My youngest is 3. She is in playgroup for a few hours. During the time that she is home, she can run me ragged. And turn the house into a tornado. I have cleaning help 4 hours a week. It is for my Shalom Bayis and my own personal health. Me and my DH can clean, pick up toys, wipe down toilets, sweep floors, do laundry again and again- but you know what? In the 4 hours that the lady does my mopping for all the floors, cleans the toilets, scrubs the tubs, and does the difficult work- its 4 hours that I did not turn myself into a slave to clean. Thats 4 hours of peace and tranquility that makes my whole week so much more easier.
Number one, I personally am severely allergic to dust.
Secondly, I have a bad back and believe you me, Id rather pay the lady instead of going to PT or a chiropractor.
Thirdly, this is one of the only luxuries in my life that I have. I dont buy clothes, jewely, or anything that often and I would not change it for the world. DH is so happy with it to- because if I break down from exhaustion/physically- who do you think is going to take the brunt of it? Him.
BTW, SAHM usually have much messier homes than working moms - simply because they are home more, their kids are home more, and the mess is greater. Working moms- those that send kids out have no mess in their house for the hours they are out. those that have babysitters in the house- the babysitters do do minimal amounts of cleaning up toys, wiping up spills and messes, and all that should be taken into effect.
Lastly SAHM need breaks to! being a SAHM is so much harder in my opinion- and I have full respect for working moms and I am not trying to turn this into a debate.
Lastly would you ever say How come SAHM get babysitters and go out with their spouses? Of course not. Going out with ones DH is as important as is a clean house.
My Kallah class teacher told us- "better not to have meat during the week, if your choice is to have a cleaning lady or the meat". It is so important.

amother

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:01 pm

I work full time and have cleaning help twice a month, but even if I was a SAHM I would need to bring someone in every now and then because I absolutely stink at cleaning. I don't know what it is, but when I clean, everything looks dirtier then when I started. So yes, some people have the time but just aren't good at it. Why is that inconceivable?

As far as how they can afford it, if they figured out a way to work it into their budget, it's certainly none of my business.

First Lady

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:29 pm

Quote:

Why do any SAHM's have cleaning ladies? Don't SAHMs have more time to clean that working women do not, and hence need a cleaning lady?

Running after a toddler, especially if you have another one, and changing their diapers and cleaning up their messes is much harder than sitting at a computer or talking on the phone. You barely have time to go to the bathroom, never mind starting to clean the house.

Plus, when kids are home they mess up the house. SAHM's kids are home while working mom's kids are at the babysitter, school etc.

I think both the working mothers and stay at home mothers deserve the help of a cleaning lady, each in their own way.

happymom

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:35 pm

I am a sahm and to me its a job. I have a schedule every day and there are plenty of thigns that have to get done. I need a clean house so I clean my house every day for two hours while my son naps (do laundry, dishes, make beds, sweep and mop floors, clean toys etc...) and once a week have a cleaning lady to do the heavy cleaning like windows, bathroom sinks, change lines, under beds etc...

if I did work I would need a cleaning lady every single day and I would need to buy take out food much more. because I am home I make great dinners every night and have the time to do most of the cleaning on top of taking care of my kids, doing erreands, shopping for the house, cooking for shabbos, doing the laundry, taking my son somehwere fun every day before my daugther gets home, picking her up from school, and then playing with them till dinner. baths, cleanup bedtime... its just as busy a shcedule as anyone else. the only thing is like I said before for what I need my house to look like id need a cleaning lady every day if I worked instead of once a week.

Last edited by happymom on Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

gold21

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:38 pm

why do YOU have two pairs of weekday shoes instead of one pair? why do you have a shevy instead of a milano? why do you serve meat during the week? why do you go out to eat so often? do you know how much money YOU could be saving? by the way, I recommend that you try being a stay at home mama for a month and you will then understand why some sahms need cleaning help. It is not about sitting around getting your nails done, for most of us. Its about taking care of the children, who require a lot of attention, you would be surprised!, and running errands, and making supper, and doing basic housework when possible. honestly I could use cleaning help.

amother

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:41 pm

gold21 wrote:

OP has/does none of the above.
OP IS a SAHM.

octopus

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 2:53 pm

my goodness! I don't have cleaning help- but I would never judge the sahm who did! And I've been seriously thinking about getting cleaning help...

I have two toddlers. a one year old and a two year old. And in two seconds my house can look like a disaster. If I keep my house neat as a pin I'M EXHAUSTED and can't move. This on top of taking my kids everywhere and anywhere to entertain them because they drive me crazy at home. I feel like a shmatta sometimes with all the cleaning I have to do. We could be out for most of the day and the ten minutes the kids our home BOOM it looks like my house was never cleaned. If one kids gets a hold of the clean laundry, the other with the dirty, dump out the toys, and spill a bag of cheerios or two- my house looks like it was never cleaned. And no- I don't plop my kids in front of a dvd all day. I actually do things with my kids. I don't even own a dvd (but maybe I should get myself at least one- for emergencies...) so everyone chooses their battles. If you don't get it, op, and somehow you think that the sahm has the easy life and has the whole day to clean- think again. It becomes tedious, thankless, not recognized as doing something worthwhile because any daycare/babysitter worker can supposedly replace you. I love it how ppl think sahm's have all the time in the world because they are at home. WE ARE TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES!!!

momomany

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 3:03 pm

Quote:

I don't like cleaning, I can afford help, and I can expend my energies on things I find to be more worthwhile. Answer your question?

lol !

I

Quote:

nstead of knit-picking about why some sahm's have cleaning help, I want to know all the educational and interactive things she does with her kids all day.

now thats a valid question.

At the risk of being told that I am immature for saying this (per another therad), I will ask again why we are judging others ?!

ora_43

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 3:21 pm

I don't see OP judging anyone. Let's be dan l'chaf zchut ( Wink

) and assume it was an innocent question.

OP--
I am not quite a SAHM, and I don't have a cleaning lady, but I can totally understand why people would choose to get one. Women who choose to be SAHMs generally want to be home with their kids, not with their mops and toilet scrubbies. The goal is to spend time having fun with/nurturing/ educating children, not to do chores while the kids bash each other on the head or wander around bored and whiny.

I spend most mornings with my kids, and the last thing they want to do most days is sit and play quietly while I clean. They want to go out and play, or go to the library and read books, or play with me, or do playdates, etc. So that's what we do. The mess can (and does) wait.

Basically, the top thing is spending time with family, and if people have the money to have someone else clean so that they can spend the morning + afternoon with their kids and the evening with their dhs, more power to them (although realistically, even those with cleaning help have to do a lot of their own cleaning and other chores, especially if they have young children).

Also, as others have pointed out, keeping kids home leads to more mess. When I'm lucky enough that both kids sleep at once, and that I don't need to sleep with them, I do clean -- but I mostly end up undoing the damage done earlier in the day. (I managed to clean for 90 minutes straight today (because today, the mess couldn't wait -- had I left it to its own devices any longer, it almost certainly would have developed a primitive consciousness and gone on the attack). First I washed dishes while my toddler spread soapy water around the counter and the baby dragged out all the tupperware and played with it on the floor. Then I cleaned up the kitchen floor while the toddler ran around shrieking and the baby took all of the tea bags out of their paper wrappers. Then I cleared the living room floor while they spread flour under the table with a tablespoon. You get the picture. It was fun in a bizarre, stressful way, but I can very much see why someone would choose to skip that + play outside for an hour instead while someone else does the cleaning work).

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 3:32 pm

If you're not judging, why hide behind amother?

I don't have a cleaning lady but I wouldn't mind having one come in every other week. I'm busy juggling a 2 year old and a 3 month old and when they 'tag team' me with their crying and need for attention, I can't get to the bathroom to do my business let alone make sure the toilet is sparkling.

My teenagers are here part time (between school and their dad) and getting them to do housework tends to be a fight that frankly I just don't have the energy for most days.