Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Household Management
SAHM and cleaning ladies
  Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother


 

Post Thu, Jun 18 2009, 2:08 pm
I think it was an interesting point somebody brought up about whether or not one had cleaning help while growing up. Related, but not the same, is what level of cleanliness/order did one have in the house while growing up?

My mother had a small family and was SAHM, yet had a maid a couple of times a week. The maid did NOT "clean up our mess"; we were expected to keep our toys put away and make our beds every morning before school. She did the actual cleaning - dusting, bathrooms, mopping, vacuuming - the laundry, including the ironing, and any other special jobs (cleaning the refrigerator, washing the crystal chandeliers, polishing silver, etc.) that my mother wanted done. What did my mother do? Well, my mother kept things tidy and uncluttered, shopped, cooked, taught all of us to read prior to pre-K, was involved in chesed, looked after her parents and other elderly relatives, gardened, and extended hospitality generously. We went to the library and to museums, to visit our extended family, and to dance and music lessons. She was BUSY, but our maid ensured that the house always always was presentable even if daddy brought home a business guest for dinner unexpectedly (which he was known to do!).

I WISH my house were kept up as nicely as the home in which I grew up. I love the serenity of coming into a clean, polished room with everything in its place. I work full time and am insanely busy. I have cleaning help twice a week, I try to straighten up at least the "public" rooms every night before bed. I count every dollar I spend on cleaning help as money well spent; it buys me an extra 12 hours a week to devote to my children rather than housework. If I get a raise this January, I may just make it 3 times a week instead!

FWIW, our rav told my husband that there are two areas where he should always be prepared to be generous in the budget - cleaning help and sheitels! (We have a GREAT rav!) 8)
Back to top

alpidarkomama




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 4:06 am
amother wrote:
"You know what-I can come up with a whole list of luxuries
How about toys- pot and pans for babies are good enough. You could eat rice and beans all week too.
Bikes for kids, cars, more than one shabbos outfit, having more than one pair of Shabbos shoes, more than one Sheitel..... You could go on and on. The point is that some thing have become an accepted way of light or necessities of life- people really DO need it. Otherwise you could say that about every single thing you have.


Mr. Green

Well, I had to laugh because we, well...

Have no baby toys for the baby (except pots, pans, paper towel rolls, etc.), but do have one box of toys for the bigger kids + one box of trains + one box of blocks.

Rice and beans all week? Check. Except Wednesday night when we had pancakes. And it wasn't always rice. Sometimes it was cracked wheat.

We have one bike for 3 kids.

We splurged, and have 2 shabbos outfits (those double yom tovs, you know).

One pair of shabbos shoes? Yep. Everyone in the family has one pair.

One sheitel? Nope. I'm a tichel sort of girl.

Do I in any way feel that we lack any of the necessities? Nope. B"H we have all that we need. And many things that we don't really need but do enjoy. We each have our own scale...
Back to top

amother


 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 6:02 am
You can't really compare how dirty a house with kids home 24 hours gets with a house where everyone comes home at 5pm or later.
A SAHM house usually has kids in it throughout the day where a WOHM house does not. Its really easy for me to understand why I SAHM would have at least some cleaning help.

I grew up in a WOHM house, which never really needed to be SCRUBBED. We were never home until 6:30 pm. And then we ate an easy dinner (crockpot or frozen food), got baths, watched some TV and went to bed.
On sundays we did laundry.
My Mom washed the dinner dishes, wiped down the table and counter and went to bed.

When I was a WOHM, same thing. If I cleaned the night before the next evening when I came home from work everything was just how I left it. Last night, OTOH I went to a simcha and came home to clean dishes that were on the counter sprinkled with crumbs, filthy bathrooms, spilled cereal on the kitchen floor and general disaster because I was gone for 2 hours in the evening with dh/ a bachur in charge.


Now, as a SAHM with 4 kids, I have 1 toddler home all day, soon to be a toddler and baby IY"H. Dh is sick and bedridden most of the time. This pregancy has been hard and I haven't been feeling well.The 3 kids in school come home at 12:30 for lunch. Then the youngest is home most of the afternoon. We have no TV and my kids are BH very active and don't just sit and play games or whatever. It is constant movement and constant mess. I literally could clean every hour of every day if I kept to standards of what I believe is clean. Right now I simply can't. 2 days ago someone gave my kids one of those cheap stress balls. Exploding anger It was immediately exploded all over the bathroom. So now there are still remanants of white powder everywhere.
If I had the money for a cleaning lady I would definitely have one. Now we are just eeking by living in what to me, is filth.
So yes, for some people I believe it would be a nessecity. To have cleaning help, to stay sane, whatever the reason. I don't begrudge or judge anyone for having what I don't have.
Back to top

ss321




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 7:44 am
amother wrote:
Why when one person does something a certain way, do they feel the need for everyone else to feel that is the way it must be by all? I guess its human nature, but come on, every person is different and sees things a different way. For Mrs. A, a cleaning lady might really be a necessity and for Mrs. B it is a luxury. Everyone has different personalities, amount of kids, age of kids, amount of husband helping out, natural cleanliness tendancies. Hashem made some people able to work and work and work and be able to handle it. Some (many) people need to pick and choose what they can do so they will stay relaxed and normal. Each of you knows yourself and whichever way you choose to run your life, thats OK!

I think everyone who can find a way to make it work and wants one, should definitely have a cleaning lady, and no one shoudl be judged for that!
BUT it is NOT a necessity!! tell anyone living in absolute poverty in eastern europe that having a "cleaning lady" is a necessity and they will laugh in your face. It is a LUXURY. just like having a microwave is a LUXURY. does that mean you shouldnt buy one?? definitely not. having more than one pair of shoes is a LUXURY. come on.
Back to top

ss321




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 8:06 am
alpidarkomama wrote:
amother wrote:
"You know what-I can come up with a whole list of luxuries
How about toys- pot and pans for babies are good enough. You could eat rice and beans all week too.
Bikes for kids, cars, more than one shabbos outfit, having more than one pair of Shabbos shoes, more than one Sheitel..... You could go on and on. The point is that some thing have become an accepted way of light or necessities of life- people really DO need it. Otherwise you could say that about every single thing you have.


Mr. Green

Well, I had to laugh because we, well...

Have no baby toys for the baby (except pots, pans, paper towel rolls, etc.), but do have one box of toys for the bigger kids + one box of trains + one box of blocks.

Rice and beans all week? Check. Except Wednesday night when we had pancakes. And it wasn't always rice. Sometimes it was cracked wheat.

We have one bike for 3 kids.

We splurged, and have 2 shabbos outfits (those double yom tovs, you know).

One pair of shabbos shoes? Yep. Everyone in the family has one pair.

One sheitel? Nope. I'm a tichel sort of girl.

Do I in any way feel that we lack any of the necessities? Nope. B"H we have all that we need. And many things that we don't really need but do enjoy. We each have our own scale...


thankyou alpikarkomama for your INFORMATIVE post
when I read the "amothers" post, I so wanted to respond, but I figured if I responded id be laughed at - how can YOU say a shaitel isnt a necessity when you have 3? How can you say >1 shabbos outfit isnt a necessity if you love to shop? etc. But the fact is, you are right. I might have lots of things and Im thankful I am able to buy them, but I think its important to remember what is a necessity in life, and what is something extra, a luxury, something to be extra thankful for because it is by no means something you "need." so thanks for pointing that out to other posters.


Last edited by ss321 on Fri, Jun 19 2009, 8:45 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

wif




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 8:13 am
Wow, who would have thought scrubbing toilets was such a hot topic?

I grew up in a household that had lots of cleaning help, because my mother worked 12 hour days and had a two decimal amount of kids. I am a WAHM, with my kids home, but never thought of cleaning help being something that I need, maybe because I can't compare my load to my mother's, or something. Also maybe because I am broke. Yeah, that's probably it.

But judging others for getting help? Why does life have to be harder than it is? Sounds like pure jealousy to me, mon.
Back to top

Marion




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 8:22 am
amother wrote:

When I was a WOHM, same thing. If I cleaned the night before the next evening when I came home from work everything was just how I left it.


Really? Wow. I guess your kids always just woke up in time to get dressed & go off to school/gan/daycare then. Mine sure don't. They're up for a good hour or two before it's time to leave, and since they don't spend that time in front of a TV, things definitely don't look the same at 4:30 that afternoon as they did at 10:00 the night before.
Back to top

wif




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 8:31 am
Marion wrote:
amother wrote:

When I was a WOHM, same thing. If I cleaned the night before the next evening when I came home from work everything was just how I left it.


Really? Wow. I guess your kids always just woke up in time to get dressed & go off to school/gan/daycare then. Mine sure don't. They're up for a good hour or two before it's time to leave, and since they don't spend that time in front of a TV, things definitely don't look the same at 4:30 that afternoon as they did at 10:00 the night before.


My house seems to get dirty and messy even before the kids get up at 6 o'clock on the dot. I think that I have evil elves.
Back to top

Temilia




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 9:00 am
[quote="amother"]Oh, a cleaning lady is a luxury, for anyone. .....
But a cleaning lady generally has a LITTLE more time on her hands,whether its when kids are napping,
[/quote="amother"]

I think that's a hilarious freudian slip. I think you meant to say a SAHM has a LITTLE more time, not a cleaning lady.

I just want to say this, having cleaning help is a luxury for anyone. Why? Because even if your house is a pigsty everyone will survive, and probably very happily too. For those that have the financial means to pay someone to clean their house I really think it's a wonderful thing. And for those of you that say you never have cleaning help, that's also fabulous, but can't you understand why someone would rather pay someone to mop their floors, than do it themselves?

I still fail to see the correlation between having time for something ( and I don't necessarily agree that SAHMs have more time to clean-just working off that assumption) and having to do it yourself. If you can work it into your budget-and you don't enjoy doing it yourself, and you would rather pay someone than that's spectacular. I fail to see how one is better mother or a better person, because they pay someone to clean their house or not,and that is the tone I am getting from some of these posts.

I mean I never had a cleaning lady, and anyone who does must be a whimp bla bla. No one actually said it quite like that, but that was the energy I was getting.And stop dragging our grandparents into this.I don't think anyone-our grandparents included, would want our generation to live the way they did. I mean, my grandfather had his bar mitzvah on a train-while fleeing the KGB. He realized he had turned 13 and someone dug up a pair of tefillin and threw it at him. That doesn't mean that when my son turns 13 I am going to toss him some tefilin and say Happy Birthday. So yes, my grandparents, great grandparents and far back for many generation, lived without cleaning help for hundreds of years, but they also lived without indoor plumbing.

I believe that all Jewish women should live as luxuriously as they are able to. This does not take away from their roles as mothers, wives, and pillars of the Jewish Community.Right now, we live in Golus, so unfortunately our lives right now are not ideal in so many ways. I think when Moshiach comes we will have lots of cleaning help. Smile
Back to top

mominisrael2




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 9:40 am
amother wrote:
I think it was an interesting point somebody brought up about whether or not one had cleaning help while growing up. Related, but not the same, is what level of cleanliness/order did one have in the house while growing up?


Absolutely it affects one's perspective. My parents never had cleaning help when I was a kid and they taught me just fine how to clean up after myself, as well as it having an impact on me seeing my dad share the load and not leave it all to my mom, but when I got married I felt that for shalom bayis purposes I had no choice but to get cleaning help because DH had live-in help as a kid and his standards were so high I didn't feel that I could live up to it...
Back to top

amother


 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 9:45 am
mominisrael2 wrote:
amother wrote:
I think it was an interesting point somebody brought up about whether or not one had cleaning help while growing up. Related, but not the same, is what level of cleanliness/order did one have in the house while growing up?


Absolutely it affects one's perspective. My parents never had cleaning help when I was a kid and they taught me just fine how to clean up after myself, as well as it having an impact on me seeing my dad share the load and not leave it all to my mom, but when I got married I felt that for shalom bayis purposes I had no choice but to get cleaning help because DH had live-in help as a kid and his standards were so high I didn't feel that I could live up to it...


And I was affected in the opposite way. My mother would never allow a cleaning lady because she was an absolute neat freak perfectionist, and no one could do the job to her liking. Similarly, my siblings an I were never allowed to clean because we weren't doing it to her liking. G-d forbid we should try our hand at laundry or dishes. My mother would freak out and chase us from the room.

I absolutely stink at cleaning. I don't know how to do the job well at all, and the room ends up dirtier then when I started. I have cleaning help, because my mom as such a perfectionist that I was never permitted to clean a day in my life, and now I have no idea how.
Back to top

wif




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 9:50 am
mominisrael2 wrote:
amother wrote:
I think it was an interesting point somebody brought up about whether or not one had cleaning help while growing up. Related, but not the same, is what level of cleanliness/order did one have in the house while growing up?


Absolutely it affects one's perspective. My parents never had cleaning help when I was a kid and they taught me just fine how to clean up after myself, as well as it having an impact on me seeing my dad share the load and not leave it all to my mom, but when I got married I felt that for shalom bayis purposes I had no choice but to get cleaning help because DH had live-in help as a kid and his standards were so high I didn't feel that I could live up to it...


my mother always says that your luxuries become your children's neccesities...
Back to top

sky




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 10:14 am
I hate cleaning. If I was a SAHM I think I would still have someone for a few hours to do the major scrubbing. I work full time (from home) and have 2 small kids and am preg and I really wouldn't be able to keep my house remotely clean without help. As it is my house is constantly a mess, but at least I know I have those few hours to get the major cleaning done. I think people who have their kids home with them the whole time are just as busy as I am with my work. So why shouldn't they need cleaning help?
Back to top

octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 10:56 am
well, after this morning, I SHOULD get cleaning help. Ds and dd completely trashed my living room and completely mixed up my laundry again. Rolling Eyes So you may ask, why do allow it to happen? Because then I would never be able to get dressed and LEAVE my house. I would never get out, be perpetually stuck indoors always ALMOST ready to leave instead of gone. I don't get cleaning help because I need a babysitter to watch my kids so that I can properly supervise! Otherwise (and I have experienced this too many times) I get taken advantage of (I.e. hired help cleans either bare minimum, or uses up ALL of my cleaning supplies , or does something they are not supposed to do ) OR the kids act cuckoo. So in a lot of respects it's just easier for me not to have a cleaning lady.
Back to top

alpidarkomama




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 12:37 pm
wif wrote:
my mother always says that your luxuries become your children's neccesities...


That's a wise mother!!
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 12:40 pm
wif wrote:
Marion wrote:
amother wrote:

When I was a WOHM, same thing. If I cleaned the night before the next evening when I came home from work everything was just how I left it.


Really? Wow. I guess your kids always just woke up in time to get dressed & go off to school/gan/daycare then. Mine sure don't. They're up for a good hour or two before it's time to leave, and since they don't spend that time in front of a TV, things definitely don't look the same at 4:30 that afternoon as they did at 10:00 the night before.


My house seems to get dirty and messy even before the kids get up at 6 o'clock on the dot. I think that I have evil elves.


you too?? lol
Back to top

amother


 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 2:03 pm
Nope, not at all. Yes, my house might not be spotless, but I get what needs to get done done, once the kids are asleep. I wouldn't dream of paying someone else to clean my mess when I am home, and don't only start cooking supper, etc when I get home from work at 5 or 6 pm...

thats you. everyone is different.
Back to top

PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 2:34 pm
1. DevorahMonsey, I like your posting--says it all!

2. I've had a cleaning woman for 5 hours/week (Thursday so I can cook for Shabbat in a clean house) for several years. I am SO much happier and more willing to cook more, do more with my house, etc. My mood is also better--great for shalom bayit. If I had to do without again, I could, but I can afford it so why not?

3. What do I do with my time? I work part time, I read, I help my MIL, I cook/shop for sick friends, I volunteer at DD's school. These are all privileges for me--and paying for a cleaner lets me do them.
Back to top

geemum




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 2:44 pm
I need cleaning help so I have time to login to imamother

Wink
Back to top

geemum




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Jun 19 2009, 2:47 pm
octopus wrote:
well, after this morning, I SHOULD get cleaning help. Ds and dd completely trashed my living room and completely mixed up my laundry again. Rolling Eyes


My boys do this too sometimes when I leave to door open and then I don't know what's clean and what's dirty. Argh! I feel for you. My advice - I think you should find somewhere else to keep you clean and dirty laundry baskets.
Back to top
Page 6 of 8   Previous  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Household Management

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Best comfortable black ladies tights
by amother
2 Yesterday at 2:01 pm View last post
Interior car cleaning Monsey
by amother
1 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 10:07 pm View last post
S/o cleaning help can’t afford
by amother
56 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 8:37 pm View last post
[ Poll ] Cleaning Help
by amother
32 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 2:30 am View last post
Taking away someone's pesach cleaning help - spin off
by amother
50 Sun, Mar 17 2024, 3:13 am View last post