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SAHM and cleaning ladies
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 3:49 pm
I AM REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THESE TYPES OF THREADS. "WHY DO THEY GO ON VACATION, HELP ME UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN AFFORD SUCH AND SUCH WHEN YOU DO SUCH AND SUCH, HOW DO PEOPLE QUALIFY FOR THIS AND THAT WHEN THEY'RE ABLE TO BUY OTHER THINGS... AND THE LIST GOES ON."

OP AND OTHER PEOPLE STARTING THESE KINDS OF THREADS, BE DAN LKAF ZCHUS. UNTIL YOU ARE IN SOMEONE'S SITUATION (WHICH YOU'LL NEVER BE BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW SIMILAR TWO SITUATIONS ARE THERE ARE ALWAYS DIFFERENCES) DON'T JUDGE AND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 3:52 pm
I don't think OP is being judgmental or not dan l'kaf zchus. The best way to be dan l'kaf zchus is to actually try to understand somebody else's circumstance and treat them accordingly! OP can't relate to someone in her situation needing cleaning help so she's trying to understand it.

I think instead of accusing others of being judgmental a lot of people here should work on their hypersensitivity.

And in case you didn't read earlier, I am a SAHM with 3x a week cleaning help (will be four in the summer!)
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YALT




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 3:55 pm
I have cleaning help - 4 hours a week.
I actually save money by doing so.
Whenever I touch the mop, I get my allergies. The past 2 years, it's been turning into asthma. Then I don't sleep at night. I have to go to the dr ($20 copay) and he prescribes a medicine which doesn't come in generic ($30 copay).
The dr won't give me an unlimited, since BH I take care of myself, so I don't get it often enough. So they can only prescribe it when I need it.
But the only way to take care of myself is by having someone to mop my floors & scrub my bathroom.
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Dini




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:13 pm
Why is everyone trying ot justify why they have cleaning help. I think anyone who doesn't should be judged, not those that have. Is spending money the problem or that you are askin someone clean your house the problem?! Op, I really don't get what the issue is over here.
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YALT




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:17 pm
Dini wrote:
Why is everyone trying ot justify why they have cleaning help.


Because that is what OP asked. So we're explaining to her the dif.possibilities.
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Dini




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:22 pm
I don't see why there is a need for explanation besides for the fact that houses get messy and need cleaning. If you can't afford it and you see others have but you don't, it's just like anything else but in my books it is a neccesity.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:44 pm
I am a SAHM. I have a cleaning lady four times a week. I can afford it, that's why.
Anon because I think people treat you differently on this board if you admit you have $$.
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:45 pm
amother wrote:
I AM REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THESE TYPES OF THREADS. "WHY DO THEY GO ON VACATION, HELP ME UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN AFFORD SUCH AND SUCH WHEN YOU DO SUCH AND SUCH, HOW DO PEOPLE QUALIFY FOR THIS AND THAT WHEN THEY'RE ABLE TO BUY OTHER THINGS... AND THE LIST GOES ON."

OP AND OTHER PEOPLE STARTING THESE KINDS OF THREADS, BE DAN LKAF ZCHUS. UNTIL YOU ARE IN SOMEONE'S SITUATION (WHICH YOU'LL NEVER BE BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW SIMILAR TWO SITUATIONS ARE THERE ARE ALWAYS DIFFERENCES) DON'T JUDGE AND DON'T ASK QUESTIONS. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
First of all, quit with the caps. Second of all, this is a question that is asked and will continue to be asked, so get used to it. And stop using dan l'kaf z'chus every time a question makes you uncomfortable.
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ss321




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:47 pm
maybe the reason I dont find the OP's question offensive is because im not a SAHM?? I dont know. I think she was asking innocently. anyway though, as a working mom, I dont see why that makes a difference in terms of having cleaning help. being a stay at home mom doesnt enable you to scrub toilets, floors, or iron any better than a working mom. it *might* afford you more time during the day to do such things, but I know lots of working moms who do their own ironing, and I know lots of so- called stay at home moms who dont spend their entire days at home and have full time help with cleaning and childcare. I honestly dont see any correlation between the two, other than the fact that a household where there is a "WORKING" mom might be bringing in more $ than a household with one parent working, and thus cleaning help might be more affordable to them? but I dont see how being a SAHM automatically makes you a cleaning lady too. everyone deserves a little bit of sanity, and while yes it is a "luxury" (the only things in life that are truly "necessities" are food and shelter, an argument can be made for health care too I guess), I dont think its one that is really out of line at all or unreasonable.
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:48 pm
amother wrote:
I am a SAHM. I have a cleaning lady four times a week. I can afford it, that's why.
Anon because I think people treat you differently on this board if you admit you have $$.
What's wrong with admitting that you have money? Having money is great. Nobody begrudges you luxuries if you can afford them. I know people who have live in housekeepers, some have drivers, and one employs a full-time captain for his boat.

Now, if you wrote that and then said you were getting all sorts of gov't assistance, I might have something to say.

So I say good for you, having a cleaning woman and money and all that. Let's have lunch. Your treat.

(By the way, I wasn't kidding. What's wrong with having help if you're wealthy?)
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:54 pm
This reminds me a bit of Urbanbaby. There are fights there about SAHMs that have full-time nannies. In a way, I can understand the cleaning woman thing more than the nanny, if you're at home. The cleaning woman enables you to have more time with your kids. The nanny just enables you to get away from them, which is nice sometimes, but all the time? But I guess it depends on what your life is like. So this thread could be written about full-time SAHMs whose kids are in full-time daycare. I guess people do ask these questions, I don't find them offensive.

I have a cleaning woman every other week for 3-4 hours because I'm a lousy housekeeper, and she does the things I never get to, like dusting, mopping, redoing my linen closet, etc. Laundry and all that I do, and I never leave a dish in the sink for her. I just like her to do the stuff I'd never do if left on my own, and the place does look fabulous after she leaves. For about ten minutes.

(I know a SAHM with three kids who employs five full-time staff members. That's a lot of help!)
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:58 pm
Clarissa wrote:
amother wrote:
I am a SAHM. I have a cleaning lady four times a week. I can afford it, that's why.
Anon because I think people treat you differently on this board if you admit you have $$.
What's wrong with admitting that you have money? Having money is great. Nobody begrudges you luxuries if you can afford them. I know people who have live in housekeepers, some have drivers, and one employs a full-time captain for his boat.

Now, if you wrote that and then said you were getting all sorts of gov't assistance, I might have something to say.

So I say good for you, having a cleaning woman and money and all that. Let's have lunch. Your treat.

(By the way, I wasn't kidding. What's wrong with having help if you're wealthy?)


And having help doesn't necessarily mean your wealthy. If you live in a place where labor is cheap it is easily affordable. Also, you can choose help over other luxuries, like I do.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 4:59 pm
Clarissa wrote:


(By the way, I wasn't kidding. What's wrong with having help if you're wealthy?)


I don't think there's anything wrong with it. That's why I have it!

If you pay attention, though, you'll notice that posters who admit to having money tend to have that fact thrown back in their faces in other threads- as in, 'you couldn't possibly understand, look what you wrote over here...'
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cassandra




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:02 pm
That's never happened to me. I'm not saying I'm wealthy, but I have admitted to having things that are unusual for many people here to have. Maybe it's more about the way you say it then what you actually say...
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Clarissa




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:02 pm
cassandra wrote:
Also, you can choose help over other luxuries, like I do.
Same, here. There are things I never allow myself to have, but I do like when my house looks good every couple of weeks.
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Crayon210




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:03 pm
cassandra wrote:
That's never happened to me. I'm not saying I'm wealthy, but I have admitted to having things that are unusual for many people here to have. Maybe it's more about the way you say it then what you actually say...


Yup. And that goes both ways, money or no money.
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octopus




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:34 pm
yeah, I chose to spend the money on a gym membership and not the cleaning help. That is my priority. As horrible as it sounds, I get mommy time, so what if I have to scrub my own toilets. It's all about what you choose to pay for. I rarely buy take-out (try maybe once every 3 years) and get pizza from a pizza store maybe 2x a year.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:55 pm
flowerpower wrote:
They say on rosh hashana you daven for a good cleaning lady.


Oh, is that why I've never had one, because I've never davened for one ?

Octopus, check out if your health insurance will pay for your gym membership. Mine does.


Last edited by chocolate moose on Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
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ss321




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:56 pm
Clarissa wrote:
This reminds me a bit of Urbanbaby.

I thought the same thing.
typical UB debate here. (but people would be just as defensive, if not more so Wink)
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ss321




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 17 2009, 5:57 pm
amother wrote:
Clarissa wrote:


(By the way, I wasn't kidding. What's wrong with having help if you're wealthy?)


I don't think there's anything wrong with it. That's why I have it!

If you pay attention, though, you'll notice that posters who admit to having money tend to have that fact thrown back in their faces in other threads- as in, 'you couldn't possibly understand, look what you wrote over here...'


exactly dearie. take my advice. stay 'amother.' you are not evil for employing a nanny. do what works for you.
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