SAHM and cleaning ladies

ss321

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 6:00 pm

Clarissa wrote:

amother wrote:

I am a SAHM. I have a cleaning lady four times a week. I can afford it, that's why.
Anon because I think people treat you differently on this board if you admit you have $$.

What's wrong with admitting that you have money? Having money is great. Nobody begrudges you luxuries if you can afford them. I know people who have live in housekeepers, some have drivers, and one employs a full-time captain for his boat.

Now, if you wrote that and then said you were getting all sorts of gov't assistance, I might have something to say.

So I say good for you, having a cleaning woman and money and all that. Let's have lunch. Your treat.

(By the way, I wasn't kidding. What's wrong with having help if you're wealthy?)

OT a little, but clarissa you have to admit, this amother is not too off base. once you make a comment like "on my trip to [somewhere international] or "in my [expensive car]" or say something about your nanny/housekeeper/full time help, people start disregarding alot of your comments in other areas, and tell you that since you are rich and materialistic (because the two go hand in hand obvously) you simply cannot understand and your opinion isnt welcome.

(same deal on UB btw, but to an even great extreme. maybe because there are more "extremely" wealthy on there, or at least more people who pretend to be)

Crayon210

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 6:07 pm

flowerpower wrote:

A cleaning lady is not a luxery for many.

Of course it's a luxury. It's a necessity? Why? Because people are tired? Have shalom bayis issues? Have other things to do? That doesn't make it a luxury. Maybe it's not as luxurious as weekly massages and manicures, and monthly trips to the Bahamas, but it's still a luxury. If it were a necessity, it basically means a person would die without it (or needs it for religious reasons, like Tefillin or a Siddur).

ETA: I'm not saying that cleaning help is a bad thing. It's valuable for many people, and helps in many ways. But it's always going to be a luxury in some way. You always *could* do those things yourself, or do without them.

Quote:

They say on rosh hashana you daven for a good cleaning lady.

Who's they?

And why are people davening for good cleaning ladies when they could be davening for Moshiach?

Temilia

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 6:19 pm

I think if you could work it into your budget cleaning help is amazing. Why should anyone have to scrub a toilet? The whole Bas Melech etc, it's great to take care of your home, your children, be a true Akeres Habayis and all that jazz, but honestly find me one person who enjoys scrubbing a toilet.
Trust me, I do it all the time, I only have cleaning help once a or twice every three months, but if I had the money for it, I would hire someone to do that sort of stuff for me in a flash.
It's totally irrelevant if you are a a SAHM, WAHM or WM. I know someone that has 3 children, all in school all day, and she does not work at all, and has two full time housekeepers and I have never seen a house cleaner than hers, honestly, you could eat off the floors, and her pantry is a work of art. She can afford it, and I think it's great.

I think it's sort of a silly question, I don't think that most SAHM choose that lifestyle because they want to have time to clean their houses, I think it's because they want to spend time with their children.
SAHM means stay at home mom, not stay at home maid.

red sea

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 6:21 pm

amother wrote:

Why do any SAHM's have cleaning ladies? Don't SAHMs have more time to clean that working women do not, and hence need a cleaning lady? How do people afford a cleaning lady if the wife isnt bringing in a salary? Do SAHMs with cleaning ladies view it as a luxury or as a basic need, and if its a basic need, why?

(I can understand a SAHM with 4 kids under 5 or whatever, but a stay at home mom with between one and three kids that arent that close in age?)

I'm really not judging. I'm just trying to understand, because I'm a stay at home mom and would never dream of hiring a cleaning lady and I wonder what makes other people find it necessary. I'm looking for enlightment, to really understand, and not to be yelled at "How dare you judge! You don't know our situation!" I'm saying, can you explain to me the situation so that I and others don't judge you at all, once we know the fuller picture.

To keep a house as clean as it is with a cleaning lady you would have to clean just as many hours (do you really spend 4 - 8 hours cleaning in one shot?)
and since you are way less experienced than a cleaning lady it should take you double as long to get the house half as clean
and then don't forget since you live there you will be interrupted by phones and doorbells and other things that need doing so you can half it again.
So your house will take 100% more time to get it 50% as clean.
But if you have extra $ and pay someone to come in and clean you can use those hours to do stuff that would be considered better things to do.
People who are sahm's are very busy people as you should know being that you are one, they do not sit - how's that cliche go - "watching soap operas and eating bon-bons" (whatever those are). They are busy with babies (who are a full time job themselves), Speech/Occupational/Physical/Etc Therapy & Dr appointment management, laundry doing (as most cleaning ladies don't realy get that done unless they are f/t), clothing shopping, grocery shopping, food prep, etc...
So that f/t working moms are literally superwoman
but a sahm is still full time busy to have to keep a house sparkling on top of that.
You may think its not really needed to keep such a sparkling house and its ok if standards are lowered
but if they have the spare $ why shouldnt they?
So why shouldn't a sahm have a cleaning lady if they feel like having a worker in their house and have the money to spare? Enlighten me.

YALT

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:14 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

flowerpower wrote:

A cleaning lady is not a luxery for many.

Quote:

They say on rosh hashana you daven for a good cleaning lady.

Who's they?

And why are people davening for good cleaning ladies when they could be davening for Moshiach?

Maybe because to them a good cleaning lady is a neccessity, and moshiach is a luxury.

chocolate moose

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:18 pm

amother wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

I've never had a cleaning lady ande I work full time. I haven't been for a manicure in many months, haven't been on vacation in over 22 yrs of marriage, except for one overnight.

chocolate moose, I don't understand the point you are trying to make. can you clarify?

People make such a big deal that they can't live without such things - cleaning help, take out food, even vacations. Yet I don't have them.

cassandra

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:20 pm

Crayon210 wrote:

flowerpower wrote:

A cleaning lady is not a luxery for many.

Agreed, unless it's the only thing that's keeping you from having your house condemned and your children taken away by social services. But in that you case might want to invest in a psychiatrist too.

Last edited by cassandra on Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:20 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:20 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

amother wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

I've never had a cleaning lady ande I work full time. I haven't been for a manicure in many months, haven't been on vacation in over 22 yrs of marriage, except for one overnight.

chocolate moose, I don't understand the point you are trying to make. can you clarify?

People make such a big deal that they can't live without such things - cleaning help, take out food, even vacations. Yet I don't have them.

And much of the world doesn't have indoor plumbing. But once you get used to it, it 's hard to imagine going without .

amother

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:30 pm

"Of course it's a luxury. It's a necessity? Why? Because people are tired? Have shalom bayis issues? Have other things to do? That doesn't make it a luxury. Maybe it's not as luxurious as weekly massages and manicures, and monthly trips to the Bahamas, but it's still a luxury. If it were a necessity, it basically means a person would die without it (or needs it for religious reasons, like Tefillin or a Siddur). "-quote

You know what-I can come up with a whole list of luxuries
How about toys- pot and pans for babies are good enough. You could eat rice and beans all week too.
Bikes for kids, cars, more than one shabbos outfit, having more than one pair of Shabbos shoes, more than one Sheitel..... You could go on and on. The point is that some thing have become an accepted way of light or necessities of life- people really DO need it. Otherwise you could say that about every single thing you have.

YALT

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:33 pm

amother wrote:

"
You know what-I can come up with a whole list of luxuries
How about toys- pot and pans for babies are good enough. You could eat rice and beans all week too.
Bikes for kids, cars, more than one shabbos outfit, having more than one pair of Shabbos shoes, more than one Sheitel..... You could go on and on. The point is that some thing have become an accepted way of light or necessities of life- people really DO need it. Otherwise you could say that about every single thing you have.

more than 1 shabbos outfit? what do you mean? there are ppl who don't own more than 2 sets of clothing all together. And one pair of shoes for all week long is enough.

ss321

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 7:59 pm

amother wrote:

You know what-I can come up with a whole list of luxuries
How about toys- pot and pans for babies are good enough. You could eat rice and beans all week too.
Bikes for kids, cars, more than one shabbos outfit, having more than one pair of Shabbos shoes, more than one Sheitel..... You could go on and on. The point is that some thing have become an accepted way of light or necessities of life- people really DO need it. Otherwise you could say that about every single thing you have.

HUH???
I know people who dont have meat all week. that is exactly the problem with the mentality!!!!! like our taxes should pay for you to have chicken once a week (other htan shabbos which isthe only day that I can begin to even fathom teh "necessity"), chas veshulem should you have milchige and parve food only, meat is a necessity. it is not an "accepted way of life" it is a sick spoiled mentality that such things are "necessary."
I dont think for a minute that someone who can afford it, SAHM or not, should not have a cleaning lady (like someone put it before, sahm is for SAH mom not SAH maid....

Clarissa

Wed, Jun 17 2009, 8:02 pm

amother wrote:

We don't eat meat all week. We have fish about once a month, because of the cost. We don't own Shabbos shoes. I didn't even know what those were until I came here. You're in some kind of dream land of entitlement and assumptions. Grow up.