 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
Seraph
|
 Thu, Jun 25 2009, 3:08 pm
I try not to notice too much, because I've been wrong in the past...
But when people seem to be dropping hints but I'm not sure, I do take a peek and see if I can pick up other clues (like skirts that look suspiciously like maternity)...
| |
|
| Back to top |
 0
 0
|
amother
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 3:13 pm
| Chochmes Nushim wrote: | I just wrote an article relating to this topic. Hope you don't mind, but I"ll post it here.
I stood in front of the mirror and gaped at my reflection. Tonight was a big night. My classmates have been praying for this day for years. Our dear friend Chaya’la was B’h getting married. Being 27, it was surreal. We had all promised one another, to do everything possible to make her night, as memorable as ours was to us. Everyone had booked babysitters weeks in advance, dusted off their dancing shoes…… The shtick was in Sara’s car, we were all set.
Except, here I was, trying to squeeze into my chassunah outfit. But, no can do. The buttons just W-I-L-L- N-O-T- C-L-O-S-E!
In my mind’s eye, I see myself walking into the hall. The looks on my friends’ faces. Their eyes, as they take in my unbuttoned jacket with the mismatched shell. The questioning and hopeful glances they throw my way. I can almost hear the whispers. “Is she???? I guess so; she put on so much weight….”
I can feel my best friend Raizy’s arm around my waist, or what used to be my waist. I straighten up, as ready as I’ll ever be. I pull my jacket one last time, but my figure remains the same.
At the wedding, I get a feeling of déjà vu. I have walked into my mirror, into my very worst nightmare. For as I am greeted by my friends, I notice the looks on their faces, hear their unvoiced question.
I feel like taking the mike and going into a ranting tirade. “Dear friends and family, esteemed colleagues and strangers. I AM NOT PREGNANT! READ MY LIPS….. I AM NOT PREGNANT!! Yes, signs may say otherwise. True, I have put on a lot of weight. How about 30 lbs in 4 months? I experience bouts of nausea, vomiting and retching. I even have hormonal mood swings….. So I must be….isn’t that so?”
For all of you nodding your head, thank Hashem from the bottom of your soul, for the bliss of naivety, for the blessed lack of knowledge.
I remember standing in the hall that night, when a wave of emotion so strong overwhelmed me. I was physically and emotionally drained. I was waiting for a car to pick me up, as my 10:00 appt with my nurse, in other words, myself, awaited. I was hoping to get away unnoticed, do my thing and hopefully have the koech to come back and dance like I meant it.
But it wasn’t how it went. Not only did a bunch of my classmates notice me leave, I never did make it back to the chassunah. By the time I finished giving myself the shots, I was in no shape, pun intended, to go back.
It’s almost nine years since that day. Actually its 8 yrs and nine months to be exact. How am I so certain? Because b”h, today is my son’s 8th birthday.
|
Huh? I dont get it? she was pregnant by the wedding or not?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 3:29 pm
I think she meant that she wasnt pregnant, but had to take shots for fertility and that night she got pregnant,
it is really rude to look as you never kknwo whats happenining in a womans body,
also, the whole reason why we dont tell pass 3rd month or 5th month is for ayn harah, the baby is too little and has the biggest time for not surviving so when a person looks they are unintentionally giving them ayn hara.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Fox
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 3:55 pm
| Shendellah wrote: | | I wasn't raised in a frum household so these thoughts never even crossed my mind since I'm used to people being married for a long time and not not having children for awhile. |
I think this is one area where BTs have a tremendous advantage in general middos and derech eretz. While I'm usually the first to offer the excuse of "mitigating circumstances" for all kinds of crimes and misdemeanors, there are two absolutes in this world: (1) The contents of someone else's womb are not your business; and (2) White shoes (excluding sneakers and nurses' shoes) may not be worn before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Hashem_Yaazor
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 3:56 pm
| Fox wrote: | | (2) White shoes (excluding sneakers and nurses' shoes) may not be worn before Memorial Day or after Labor Day. |  (my husband made a comment to that effect when I got my 3 month old white crib shoes sukkos time  )
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
shosh
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 4:08 pm
I never look to see if someone is pg, and I am usually the last to know ... It has to be very obvious before I notice a thing.
When I got married, it took me a while to have my first child - she was born a couple of months before my third wedding anniversary. And I still remember the pple who used to stare at my stomach all the time and make crass comments. I used to call them the "stomach-watchers," and I would never do that to anyone else!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
mommy#1
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 4:24 pm
| Chochmes Nushim wrote: | I just wrote an article relating to this topic. Hope you don't mind, but I"ll post it here.
I stood in front of the mirror and gaped at my reflection. Tonight was a big night. My classmates have been praying for this day for years. Our dear friend Chaya’la was B’h getting married. Being 27, it was surreal. We had all promised one another, to do everything possible to make her night, as memorable as ours was to us. Everyone had booked babysitters weeks in advance, dusted off their dancing shoes…… The shtick was in Sara’s car, we were all set.
Except, here I was, trying to squeeze into my chassunah outfit. But, no can do. The buttons just W-I-L-L- N-O-T- C-L-O-S-E!
In my mind’s eye, I see myself walking into the hall. The looks on my friends’ faces. Their eyes, as they take in my unbuttoned jacket with the mismatched shell. The questioning and hopeful glances they throw my way. I can almost hear the whispers. “Is she???? I guess so; she put on so much weight….”
I can feel my best friend Raizy’s arm around my waist, or what used to be my waist. I straighten up, as ready as I’ll ever be. I pull my jacket one last time, but my figure remains the same.
At the wedding, I get a feeling of déjà vu. I have walked into my mirror, into my very worst nightmare. For as I am greeted by my friends, I notice the looks on their faces, hear their unvoiced question.
I feel like taking the mike and going into a ranting tirade. “Dear friends and family, esteemed colleagues and strangers. I AM NOT PREGNANT! READ MY LIPS….. I AM NOT PREGNANT!! Yes, signs may say otherwise. True, I have put on a lot of weight. How about 30 lbs in 4 months? I experience bouts of nausea, vomiting and retching. I even have hormonal mood swings….. So I must be….isn’t that so?”
For all of you nodding your head, thank Hashem from the bottom of your soul, for the bliss of naivety, for the blessed lack of knowledge.
I remember standing in the hall that night, when a wave of emotion so strong overwhelmed me. I was physically and emotionally drained. I was waiting for a car to pick me up, as my 10:00 appt with my nurse, in other words, myself, awaited. I was hoping to get away unnoticed, do my thing and hopefully have the koech to come back and dance like I meant it.
But it wasn’t how it went. Not only did a bunch of my classmates notice me leave, I never did make it back to the chassunah. By the time I finished giving myself the shots, I was in no shape, pun intended, to go back.
It’s almost nine years since that day. Actually its 8 yrs and nine months to be exact. How am I so certain? Because b”h, today is my son’s 8th birthday.
|
beautiful article!!! thanks for sharing!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Fox
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 4:37 pm
(my husband made a comment to that effect when I got my 3 month old white crib shoes sukkos time )[/quote]
I think you're exempt if your feet never touch the floor! My 15-year-old DD had high hopes that Michelle Obama would force her husband to legislate on this matter, since in her words, "Mrs. Obama doesn't look like the kind of woman who would let anybody in her house wear white shoes out of season!"
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
ora_43
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 5:19 pm
Interesting what you said about BTs, Fox.
I think having not grown up in the frum community there is one thing I tend to notice/look at more, which is spacing between kids esp. in large families. Basically, growing up I never really asked myself what happens when people don't use birth control, it was just a given that people had kids when they wanted (of course I now know that isn't true -- but as a kid, I assumed everyone was choosing when to have children).
So now I find myself looking at people and thinking, "hmm... she had her oldest at the same age that I had my oldest... and now she has 8... OK so if the oldest is 15 and the youngest is 2, that means..." etc. But it's not so much that I care about their fertility (I'm too self-centered for that), it's more like collecting data to figure out what it might mean for me (like, if someone gives birth every 18 months, what does that look like after 10 years (an insanely big family? or something I could handle?)? what about every 2 years?).
In general, I notice more when people are at the same "stage" -- eg. when I was first pregnant I noticed the other women who were having their first, then after my first was born I noticed when my friends starting having their second.
But I don't look, and I don't try to notice, and I don't even particularly like noticing -- it just happens from time to time. (I do manage to not notice when people get pregnant -- it's mostly after kids are born that I realize "hey there was like a 10 year gap between this baby and the last")
I definitely don't notice nidda things or going to the mikva. Who would want to know? Way too much information.
And I would never make a comment about anything mikva or fertility related -- not only are there so many ways in which that could go wrong, but it's just plain rude.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Chochmes Nushim
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 5:19 pm
Hi. For those of you questioning as to the meaning of the article, as I stated I WAS NOT PREGNANT. But b'h, that was the month I conceived, after mnths of agonizing wait and struggles. As long as there is a happy ending to this story, although I hope for more happiness to come, as he is 8 already, still my baby......
But posted it for you to understand what it feels like to be at the receiving end of stares and speculation at an inopportune time, not that there ever is.....
Anyways, let us remember to be kind to one another blah blah blah
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
ora_43
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 5:30 pm
|
Oh and one other thing -- even though I notice spacing between kids as it relates to family size, I never assume someone is or isn't on BC. I don't think any of my friends would assume that, either. Being privy to some personal details about friends' lives, I know that one woman with 14 kids did use BC, while another with 3 never did, and both the friend with 15 months between kids and the friend with almost 3 years between kids weren't on BC... so there you go, there's no way to know. And I really doubt that most people are trying to figure it out.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Raisin
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 5:31 pm
| Fox wrote: | | Shendellah wrote: | | I wasn't raised in a frum household so these thoughts never even crossed my mind since I'm used to people being married for a long time and not not having children for awhile. |
I think this is one area where BTs have a tremendous advantage in general middos and derech eretz. While I'm usually the first to offer the excuse of "mitigating circumstances" for all kinds of crimes and misdemeanors, there are two absolutes in this world: (1) The contents of someone else's womb are not your business; and (2) White shoes (excluding sneakers and nurses' shoes) may not be worn before Memorial Day or after Labor Day. |
as I said before no frum person has ever asked me when I am planning to have my next child, not frum/non Jewish people ask me this the whole time. Frum people either assume I am leaving it up to Hashem or I am on bc with a heter from a Rav, in which case it is not a lifestyle choice. (thats what I think about other people anyway)
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Raisin
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 5:32 pm
| Chochmes Nushim wrote: | Hi. For those of you questioning as to the meaning of the article, as I stated I WAS NOT PREGNANT. But b'h, that was the month I conceived, after mnths of agonizing wait and struggles. As long as there is a happy ending to this story, although I hope for more happiness to come, as he is 8 already, still my baby......
But posted it for you to understand what it feels like to be at the receiving end of stares and speculation at an inopportune time, not that there ever is.....
Anyways, let us remember to be kind to one another blah blah blah |
that's a beauthiful article, I don't know how clear it would be to people who have not gone through IF what the shots are referring to though. I had a hard time understanding it.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 5:33 pm
|
OMG, I know exactly what you mean! My 2 kids are close in age, my younger one is almost 3. Everywhere I go people are checking me out. I feel like wearing a sign on my belly: I AM NOT PREGNANT! It's crazy!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
greenfire
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 8:33 pm
|
I don't really pay attention to these things ... though sometimes pregnancy is obvious ...
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 8:54 pm
How about people watching you what and if you eat AND commenting. I was at a shabbos sheva brochos recently and the yentas at the table were all watching me eat and comment on what I was not eating. Friday night I DONT eat the main course because I'm tired and I get full from fish and soup alone. 10 times the same question: Why arent you eating? What arent you taking some dips? you don't like it? Why arent you eating up your challah. SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! shabbos morning, I don't eat fish, the same person 10 times: Why arent you eating the fish? You dont like it? (In other words perhaps you cant eat it now??! hint hint). I was being watched how much I was eating from the eggs and when the cold cuts came around I didnt touch it. Not because I don't eat it because of a good reason B"H but I have this habit that if I wasnt the one preparing it, I don't know how long it sat out and I don't want to eat. Too many bad experiences. Again, the same person: Why arent you eating the cold cuts? the chicken cutlets? You don't like it??? Watching me how much cholent and kugel I take. Why I'm not eating the challah, why I am eating this but not that. The best kicker of all: My aunt drank l'chaim and announces to everyone at the table: _____ (my name) I"YH a bris bekuriv. Amen, thank you so much but now I know for sure what everyone is thinking about.
P.S. yes I do B"H have great news, except it's a bit early to share with everyone. I know they're all waiting to hear the news because my son is already almost 4 and I've had a couple of misscarriages since then, but PLEASE, don't make it so obvious.
Happens to be I love pickles whether I'm pregnant or not, and I was literally forcing myself not to eat them because then that would for sure be the sign they were looking for.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
louche
|
Thu, Jun 25 2009, 11:47 pm
|
I do not, and until I joined this site I had no idea that so many people apparently do. I think it's disgusting and the very opposite of tzanua. Tzniut is a two-way street--it's not only a matter of not displaying your asssets, it's also a matter of not looking in other people's bedroom windows, kwim?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Merrymom
|
Sun, Jun 28 2009, 6:08 pm
|
When it comes to my sisters and SILs yes, everyone else , no.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
keegil
|
Sun, Jun 28 2009, 6:51 pm
my friends is constantly studying ppl's nails, how long/short to determine whats her status. She is MO, and everyone in her circle constantly has their nails as long as possible and perfectly manicured. She once told me , nals cant be perfect for 4 weeks in a row, unless ur pregnant so thats how she figures it out.
Me I usually notice once a women is in the 8-9 month(and I bump into a belly!)
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
mama-star
|
Sun, Jun 28 2009, 7:14 pm
there is a close friend of mine who always checks out my belly and it drives me up the wall. maybe next time she checks me out I'll say, "NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT." 
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
| Related Topics |
Replies |
Last Post |
|
|
Sneakers for pregnancy...
|
2 |
Sat, Mar 16 2024, 11:20 pm  |
|
|
WWYD? Hosting when having complicated pregnancy
|
35 |
Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:24 am |
|
|
Loose top for beginning of pregnancy
|
9 |
Sat, Jan 20 2024, 8:11 pm |
|
|
Message going around about twin pregnancy
|
2 |
Wed, Dec 20 2023, 5:45 pm |
|
|
Nidda time activities
|
1 |
Wed, Nov 01 2023, 9:13 pm |
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
