Do You Notice / Look for Evidence of Pregnancy/Nidda?

amother

Sun, Jun 28 2009, 9:01 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

Yes, I'll be the first to admit that I'll notice stomachs, or think to myself that it's probably time for so-and-so to be pregnant again.

Sure, I was curious if a certain family member of mine was TTC or on BC.

I'm sure people are wondering about me, and some people have asked me outright what my deal is. Sure, I think it's weird for people to ask outright, but I understand the curiosity.

I wouldn't discuss my curiosity with other people, but of course, it's natural to wonder. We live in a baby-centric society where it's unusual to be married for a long period of time without a baby, and people often have many children. Therefore, when you live in a society that many children are the norm, it's natural that babies are on the forefront of everyone's mind and they're always on the alert for pregnancy signs.

DefyGravity said it very well.

I was the same until I misscarried. after I did I wanted to keep it a secret just cause I wanted to avoid the looks from people. there were sometimes I just wanted to tell people or family members "yes, you were right, I was pregnant, but I'm not anymore and I'm okay with it"

after being on my side of the speculating, I am working on myself to stop looking and thinking about other people. I do look sometimes or think about it becuase I would love to share my outlook on the whole situation becuase I think I dealt/am dealing with it well, and I wish I could somehow, in the correct way help others in the same boat as me.

louche

Sun, Jun 28 2009, 9:16 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

when you live in a society that many children are the norm, it's natural that babies are on the forefront of everyone's mind and they're always on the alert for pregnancy signs.

But there's a tremendous difference between noticing the signs and looking for them, a bigger difference between noticing the signs of pregnancy and looking for evidence of nidus or lack thereof, and a bigger difference still between noticing signs of pregnancy and saying something to or asking the person or her friends/relatives/acquaintances.

amother

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 12:23 am

ora_43 wrote:

Oh and one other thing -- even though I notice spacing between kids as it relates to family size, I never assume someone is or isn't on BC. I don't think any of my friends would assume that, either. Being privy to some personal details about friends' lives, I know that one woman with 14 kids did use BC, while another with 3 never did, and both the friend with 15 months between kids and the friend with almost 3 years between kids weren't on BC... so there you go, there's no way to know. And I really doubt that most people are trying to figure it out.

Not only that but some people just plain don't get periods for various reasons...I went 2 years without a period (still have no idea why!), and not only did my nosy MIL start asking questions when I had to stop and think if I had any pads in the house when she needed to use one while visiting me, but even the mikvah lady wished me a mazel tov on those rare occasions I did need to go!! (Unless that was meant as a "mazel tov your cycles are normal again"??? B"H they finally came back and now I have a new problem...how to deal with giant age gap between kids!) It's sooooo nobody's business.

amother

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 12:33 am

to be very honest, yes, I do notice when ppl are niddah. not that I stare 24/7 trying to figure it out but lets say if ppl are eating over I'd notice just by the way they pass things...
I'm not trying to find things out but sometimes I just notice, that's the way I am.I chap things very fast.
after my sister got married she ate by us every shabbos and they were so obviously not niddah (newlyweds LOL

)I was really wondering like what's going on with her.....
well she got preg after her first mikvah and when she told me I was kind of Rolling Eyes

you're telling me!!
it was just soooooo obvious

Ruchel

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 2:38 am

keegil wrote:

my friends is constantly studying ppl's nails, how long/short to determine whats her status. She is MO, and everyone in her circle constantly has their nails as long as possible and perfectly manicured. She once told me , nals cant be perfect for 4 weeks in a row, unless ur pregnant so thats how she figures it out.

That's silly. You can toivel with long nails and even manicure. you can also re-do it as soon as mikve is over.

shabbatiscoming

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 2:55 am

keegil wrote:

first of all, not every woman goes to the mikveh every 4 weeks, so this makes no sense AND not every mikveh makes you cut your nails down to the skin, so this really is silly.

greenfire

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 4:56 am

tato wrote:

mama-star wrote:

there is a close friend of mine who always checks out my belly and it drives me up the wall. maybe next time she checks me out I'll say, "NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT." Rolling Eyes

Kinda like your avatar picture?( Lol sorry I couldn't resist! )

lol now that is funny Nervous

I asked if she was playing doctor ... Wink

mama-star

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 6:03 am

tato wrote:

mama-star wrote:

there is a close friend of mine who always checks out my belly and it drives me up the wall. maybe next time she checks me out I'll say, "NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT." Rolling Eyes

Kinda like your avatar picture?( Lol sorry I couldn't resist! )

lol...pregnancy is definitely a part of my avatar. Very Happy

anuta

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 7:45 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

keegil wrote:

first of all, not every woman goes to the mikveh every 4 weeks, so this makes no sense AND not every mikveh makes you cut your nails down to the skin, so this really is silly.

I do cut my nails very short (to the skin I suppose), but I have very deep nailbeds, and I can do a perfect french manicure right after mikvah... so perfect nails every day of the month, LOL

mama-star

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 2:30 pm

you know I recently cut my nails verrrrrrrry short. I grow them long and then I get tired of them and I cut them close. after reading this thread, I wonder if people are going to be thinking...

but then again, my toenails are still painted, and I wear open-toed sandals a lot (with stockings, yes ma'am). so I guess I'll confuse people a little. Wink

amother

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 3:07 pm

My husband found out that his friend's wife was expecting. He wished him b'shaa tova and the friend said to him, "well, you can have one too if your wife goes off birth control!" We were married less than a year, I was not on birth control and I cried after I heard his comment because I yearned so much to have a baby...people are so thoughtless!

mama-star

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 3:15 pm

amother wrote:

what a terrible thing to say. Crying

amother

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 6:43 pm

amother wrote:

ok I'll admit. I notice. or maybe I look but I'm dealing with IF and my whole brain is wired thinking about pregnancies and nidda etc.
It's almost become an obsession of mine embarrassed

not on purpose but its there.

different amother here:

I know what you mean about being obsessed with pregnancy. I was like that after my 2nd miscarriage in a row. Ever since then I actually "smell" a pregnant lady. I'm trying not to do that but I can't help myself. I noticed over pesach a SIL of mine was acting very weird and we're pretty close that I actually asked her and she denied it. Come shavuous and it just didnt make sense that she wasnt pregnant because she was acting all weird so I decided that either she is and doesnt want to say yet or there's something wrong with her. In the end turns out that she really is pregnant and was pregnant over pesach but didnt want to say anything yet. I can't just turn off the "suspect pregnancy switch". One thing, I definitely don't make it obvious to anyone what I'm thinking.

amother

Mon, Jun 29 2009, 6:49 pm

amother wrote:

ok I'll admit. I notice. or maybe I look but I'm dealing with IF and my whole brain is wired thinking about pregnancies and nidda etc.
It's almost become an obsession of mine embarrassed

not on purpose but its there.

except you really do because you asked her staright out and put her in a wierd position to lie to you about her baby.
when I was pregnant and not ready to say I hated when people asked me if I was because then id have to lie and say no and for me that was the worst thing to say becacus CH'S I wouldnt want that NO to become true.. im very into ayn hara and all that stuff..

louche

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 8:32 am

amother wrote:

when I was pregnant and not ready to say I hated when people asked me if I was because then id have to lie and say no and for me that was the worst thing to say becacus CH'S I wouldnt want that NO to become true.. im very into ayn hara and all that stuff..

Best strategy, answer the question with a question:

"What makes you say that?" "Why do you ask?" "Don't you think I'd tell you?" "Are you saying I look fat?" "Are YOU?"

gryp

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 8:43 am

Raisin wrote:

Fox wrote:

Shendellah wrote:

I wasn't raised in a frum household so these thoughts never even crossed my mind since I'm used to people being married for a long time and not not having children for awhile.

I think this is one area where BTs have a tremendous advantage in general middos and derech eretz. While I'm usually the first to offer the excuse of "mitigating circumstances" for all kinds of crimes and misdemeanors, there are two absolutes in this world: (1) The contents of someone else's womb are not your business; and (2) White shoes (excluding sneakers and nurses' shoes) may not be worn before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.

as I said before no frum person has ever asked me when I am planning to have my next child, not frum/non Jewish people ask me this the whole time. (thats what I think about other people anyway)

Me too. I'll never forget the time I was left openmouthed when a lady in Hickstown, USA asked me if I'm trying again for a girl this time. And other times. I just kind of smiled and realized that these questions aren't really a big deal in the outside world where things are more open.