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Forum -> Household Management

Davening

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drez

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 5:36 am

Question... am I the only one who finds it hard to take a minute to daven? I feel really guilty but I work all day and have a baby and a house... plus I am expecting so after all that I am simply exhausted... my husband does not believe me that I can not find 5 minutes to daven... and those conversations make me feel even more guilty. I know that once a woman has children she does not have a chiyuv to daven but I see people with 10 kids davening so what is my excuse? I don't know, maybe I am simply looking for someone to ease my conscience. What are people's opinions?

e1234

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 5:48 am

I really try hard to daven first thing in the morning after my kids are in school.
I think it makes a difference in my day.

shabbos is my hardest day to daven as there is no time with the kids constantly needing my attention.

drez

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 5:53 am

School is different... I have a 9 1/2 month old and she is not terribly demanding but she can be. I work from home so I try to do all my work when she plays by herself or when she is sleeping, which would be the ideal time to daven.

grin

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 5:56 am

are you finding it hard to find a 5 minute window of quite time or standing up for shemone esrei? if the former, try to consider it as important as washing up in the morning, and daven as short a version as your rav allows. if the latter, so daven sitting down!

PinkFridge

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 10:37 am

Absolutely! And don't beat yourself up just because you don't have a baby.
I've heard, but can't quote a source, so don't accept it as a psak, a rav telling women if your schedule only allows you one shemone esrei and maariv is the most convenient, say maariv!

Daven anytime, anywhere. If I'm driving and there's a close call, I say the second half of modim (no shem Hashem there) - al nisecha she'bchol yom imanu. When I bentsch and I say nodeh l'cha, I think to myself that this is a very meaningful, comprehensive list of thanks, and I review it in my head sometimes when I need to feel grateful. Say tehillim, any tehillim, with whatever inflection the moment requires - thanks, request, etc. You can still feel very connected, even with an abbreviated formal davening.

chocolate moose

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:06 pm

It IS hard. I find it easier to daven before a shiur in shul, on on the subway, on my way out.

grin

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:09 pm

a bare-bones quickie shachris takes 5-10 minutes. if you truly don't you have that much time to daven, then how do you find time for this forum? Confused

chocolate moose

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:13 pm

You have to be dressed to daven. HOw many of us are wearing our pj's ?

grin

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:22 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

You have to be dressed to daven. HOw many of us are wearing our pj's ?

it's more proper to be dressed for davening, but nowhere does it say in SA that it's assur to daven otherwise. if it's a choice between davening in pj's and not davening, I would choose the first. (ask your LOR, of course, to be sure. this is just my own opinion.)

OldYoung

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:24 pm

grin wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

You have to be dressed to daven. HOw many of us are wearing our pj's ?

And when I worked in the summers, I davened in shorts and a zip-up over my bathing suit. I thought you need to be wearing a minimum of a bikini to daven?

fiddle

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:26 pm

I have all the time in the world, yet for davening, I dont know I never have the time. once the computer is on forget it. and if I start my day off doing household chores, the computer doesnt go on, but once im done..power button for me. technically I can set aside eough time to even say brachos or something, but I don't I dont know, to get to that point is pretty difficult, im proud of myself when I bench rosh chodesh. I say a thing of tehillim before I go to sleep, and throughout the day I talk to god, that is my form of davening, so what I cant open a siddur, there's nothing wrong with it. the reason it was created was to make it easier, its all there in front of us, somehow its easier for me to mumble my thanks in my own language. it may be just me, but I have always had a hard time with davening, I always have time for everything else. as opposed to what a poster or two were saying about saying at least one shmone esrei a day, don't feel bad, its not true. of course its good to, and no doubt you may feel better that you did say it, even more so three times a day, but there is absolutely no chiyuv on women. so as I do, maybe make time to just talk to god in your own words. while your typing on the computer or walking in the street, I feel better doing that than saying from the siddur, im saying my own words.

as a teacher once told me, if you say these five words with meaningfulness, you have accomplished the same as one who sat and davened the siddur from cover to cover with kavanah.

praise god, help me, thanks. (edit)

shevach, bakasha and hodaah, all rolled into five. the three requirements of davening.
(don't feel so guilty. ur not the only one with this issue, for good reason.)

Last edited by fiddle on Tue, Jun 30 2009, 1:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

grin

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:53 pm

OldYoung wrote:

grin wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

You have to be dressed to daven. HOw many of us are wearing our pj's ?

And when I worked in the summers, I davened in shorts and a zip-up over my bathing suit. I thought you need to be wearing a minimum of a bikini to daven?

yes, I think that's true, but the question was about davening in your pj's - nobody mentioned in your birthday suit!

OldYoung

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 12:56 pm

grin wrote:

OldYoung wrote:

grin wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

You have to be dressed to daven. HOw many of us are wearing our pj's ?

And when I worked in the summers, I davened in shorts and a zip-up over my bathing suit. I thought you need to be wearing a minimum of a bikini to daven?

yes, I think that's true, but the question was about davening in your pj's - nobody mentioned in your birthday suit!

I was addressing the bolded part.

mommalah

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 1:06 pm

grin wrote:

a bare-bones quickie shachris takes 5-10 minutes. if you truly don't you have that much time to daven, then how do you find time for this forum? Confused

Some people like to have actual kavannah when they daven. It's not just about robotically saying the words...

mommalah

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 1:08 pm

I learned that a woman can technically daven in the nude.

Shendellah

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 1:16 pm

I daven in my pjs all the time...I like to say the bedtime shema right before bed! And given that I just live with my husband I like to put on pjs earlier in the evening (then read a book or watch a movie) For me it is more important to daven then to be stressed over the time and appropriateness of when and where to daven. (especially since I became more observant over the last few years and I make a greater effort to daven more frequently)

PinkFridge

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 1:33 pm

On one hand, I think that we women, who have so many demands on our time and psyches have to be especially aware of our capacity to live lives of prayer. OTOH, we can't lose sight of the fact that the actual words of the liturgy have an incredible profundity. Even when there's not time for a full or even Readers Digest version, just saying the morning brachos as is in the siddur, and many people know them by heart, is a good thing.

fiddle

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 1:35 pm

mommalah wrote:

I learned that a woman can technically daven in the nude.

but you gotta cross ur legs one over the other, so ur va8ina is not exposed.

drez

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 2:39 pm

Davening in PJs would make things easier, as I work from home and do not get dressed until I have to take the baby to a sitter at 11 and then I work... once I am working (8-2) I find it very hard to pull myself away and daven. I like the idea of saying tehillim before I go to sleep, will try that. My shima at night is not with too much Kavanah but hopefully Tehillim will be.

shmeichel

Tue, Jun 30 2009, 5:12 pm

thanks to this thread, today while sweeping I happened to notuce a siddur on the table, so I stopped sweeping and davened mincha right there!

thanks ladies!!

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