Giving a Pregnant woman your seat

greenfire

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 2:02 pm

maidale wrote:

greenfire wrote:

why didn't you say something ?!

Because there were 2-3 ladies already saying something and criticizing them loudly, and they kept ignoring. I wonder what kind of chinuch they get at home.

One lady (a rebetzin) even said: "You'll see boys, in a couple of years there'll be nothing left of those payos!" They just laughed in her face.

they needed simply to be told to stand up for the lady ...

Nicole

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 2:20 pm

Oh yes. As someone else said, the worst for me was early pg, I was always literally PASSING OUT on the train but didn't feel comfortable asking for a seat. What kind of excuse could I give? Once, someone got up and I went over to the frum girl standing right in front of the seat and asked if she minds if I sit there, that I'm not feeling well. She happily obliged.

amother

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 2:21 pm

I used to take a subway every day to work, years ago. Any time I saw a pregnant lady on the train I offered my seat.
Honestly, when I was pregnant, I felt great, and probably would not have cared if someone offered their seat or not, but it is absolutely the correct thing to do. (I felt worse after the baby, and almost died waiting in a line once)
And just to add one more thing, I think some men really have no clue. they don't really know if you are pregnant or not. Sometimes you have to tell them...........

ora_43

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 3:27 pm

Why are so many people suffering in silence? If you need a seat, ask for a seat!

As amother pointed out, men can be clueless... I think most just really don't notice who's around them (especially those who davka don't look at women).

My dh was taught to stand for others on the bus starting in gan, but I still sometimes have to elbow him and say "sweetie, that lady is pregnant/ old/ carrying a baby/ etc." At which point he says "Oh! Right!" and jumps up.

Younger women can be the same, especially if they're with their friends. They aren't rude, just oblivious.

amother

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 5:06 pm

Personally on the whole issue I feel a person is not obligated to give up their seat, but it's a nice thing to do.

On that note I've yet to be pregnant. However I've been in situations which have caused me physical and emotional pain that maybe it's something to think about next time you stick your preg stomach in someone's face trying to hint to them to get up for you. I'm going through infertility and as such have to be on many medications that make me extremely nauseous. It's happened more than once that I'm sitting there on the buses wishing I could jump out the window just for fresh air, and some preg woman stands RIGHT next to me and sticks her stomach in my face with a look that says "can't you see I'm huge, get up". Now a) I'm feeling pretty sick myself right now and b) besides feeling sick I WANT TO CRY!!. All I'm thinking is "right now I wish I was huge, pregnant and standing uncomfortably on a bus full of people".

I'm not trying to illicit sympathy with this post. The point is to understand that you're not the only one out there and you should think of e/o else. Everyone has a story and you don't know what it is.

B'shaa tova!

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 5:46 pm

ora_43 wrote:

Younger women can be the same, especially if they're with their friends. They aren't rude, just oblivious.

Sorry OP if this is harsh....

Ora,
If the OP is an example of the young girls (or boys) who dont give up their seats - then you are mistaken, thats not oblivious thats downright RUDE.

OP - I just reread you original post again, just to be sure (I wanted to be Dan Lechav and all)
Nowhere in your post do you now acknowledge just how wrong you were- not even an a slightly apologetic tone for the way you acted for all those years.
Its one thing if you came on saying, wow, I just never understood, how dense of me, what an insensitive lout I was.... But nope, not the way you posted. Just matter of fact, thats how I thought, but now I think I should get that seat, am I right or what?

Dont forget that you may have been one of the people just sitting there staring at the standing bellies of the women you are now going to for validation.

I think you might a sign on you that says 'DONT GET UP FOR ME, I was insensitive to the plight of others and dont deserve your sympathy.'

Yeah I know I am being excessively harsh, but really, OP reread that first post of yours, please tell us that you now see just how insensitive you thought process was. I have to tell you that when I read that you actually thought that a pregnant person had no right getting on a full bus - my mouth literally dropped open!! I was thinking... nah better for me not to say what I was thinking.... I dont know if it was a lack of parental guidance or a failing in your education or the influence of your friends, but if such a thought every went through my child's head (and then out of her mouth - or fingertips) I would feel like I failed parenting 101. It would mean that my child came away with none of the moral values that I was taught and expect to pass down.

I cant believe that anyone one of the people who posted politely on the subject can get past that and have any rational discussion.

NativeMom

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 6:19 pm

JC I have to agree. When I was pregnant, I had no desire to stand around and wait for a train that wasn't full. I think that's a bit ridiculous. When I got on a full train no one offered their seat until this older man saw me and told me to sit down, I actually didn't care no one else offered but I thankfully accepted. The one time I did care was when I was so uncomfortable it hurt to stand. It's not a rule that people must follow but it is courteous.

Imawoman

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 7:14 pm

Like others have said, the first few months of my pregnancy were the worst. I wasn't showing, but I felt like I was going to pass out every time I took the bus and subway. Once I was THIS close to passing out...I started to slink down the subway wall, and not one person even thought to ask if I was okay. I had people STEP OVER me. Eventually I mustered up enough strength to CRAWL out of the subway, onto a platform and literally davened to Hashem to let me get out of the situation alive. Again, no one asked if I was okay on the platform.

Most of the time I would simply sit on the floor from the start to avoid passing out - even when I was visibly pregnant, because I couldn't count on others to give up their seat for me. I really lost faith in my fellow commuters.

Elderly people were most likely to give up their seats, but most of the time I would decline and some of those times other people would over hear the conversation and would wake up...and offer their seat to me.

It is REALLY hard to stand for 1-2 hours on public transportation for a petite, pregnant lady. At the end of my pregnancy I had gained over 40 lbs - that was almost half my pre-pregnancy body weight! Talk about a shifted centre of gravity.

B"H, I survived the whole ordeal. I had a healthy baby boy, but the whole situation has left me shaky. I don't look forward to being pregnant and on public transportation again. But it will happen and I can only hope that people are more considerate the next time around.

Also...I was and still am the first person on the bus to give my seat to anyone who needs it more than me. Nowadays I just hold onto the stroller. It's funny how more people offer their seats to me now (that I don't need it) than before (when I did).

Marigold

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 8:20 pm

You are so right imawoman.
for 7 years I worked in the city and took the subway twice a day. I would always stand up for anyone who was sick, elderly or pregnant. Now when I was pregnant 3 years ago, I also gained 40 lbs and was quite petite and small before, I thought hey now finally everyone will relinquish their seat for me. especially since my last trimester was in the summer and I was exhausted and overheated and huge. Boy was I wrong. I could count my fingers as to how many times I was given a seat. And most of the time it was by men. I'm wondering, I personally thought that it had a wee bit to do with the fact that it was quite obvious I'm an orthodox jew. It happened at times I would see someone not jewish and pg getting a seat whilst I was left standing stewing in self pity.

amother

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 9:00 pm

JC-

OP here. I have to say that I am glad you have such strong views on this subject and I hope that the next time I get on a bus you or your children will be on their to help me out a little. I do realize that how I thought might have sounded wrong, but I specifically meant it in only one view:

I think that on a bus ride that is an hour long (on a highway) it is a bit inconsiderate to get on and make someone stand an hour rather than waiting 15 minutes and most probably getting a seat on the next bus. When I was a young girl I always was one to jump up for old or pregnant or sick, but sometimes on that long bus ride when I did have to stand for an hour, I did not do it so happily. This is what I meant to say.

All throughout my pregnancy I NEVER got on a full bus if I was tired and needed a seat. Even having suffered, I feel that for me I would rather wait even if standing than be shaken about on a bus standing until someone begrudgingly gave me their seat.

The fact that I am in my 40th week and my face was literally dripping with sweat and no one got up for me, just kept on reading their tehillim, made me really sad. In my opinion their was no need to say anything to anyone! It was so OBVIOUS! All I got were stares. Maybe you are right, I was a starer before so now it is on me..... I just think it was a pretty sad sight.

octopus

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 9:18 pm

py2two wrote:

In Manhattan NO ONE gave up a seat for me. only in bklyn- and most of the time it was women. Jewish or not Jewish. It seems that men don't know what it feels like to be pregnant. Though ONCE an ELDERLY man gave up his seat- and then I felt awful.

op- about waiting 15 minutes for the next bus- this is your first, you say. some ppl don't have that luxury if they are under a time schedule or have other children. People do what they have to do. When I'm pregnant I'm usually dizzy. I would take the first bus that comes my way.

cindy324

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 9:35 pm

Quote:

I think that on a bus ride that is an hour long (on a highway) it is a bit inconsiderate to get on and make someone stand an hour rather than waiting 15 minutes and most probably getting a seat on the next bus.

Should I take this opportunity to apologize to all my fellow passengers in the past who have been inconvenienced by me getting on the bus hugely pregnant??? So sorry for not waiting until a bus with an open seat came by, please forgive me for being so terribly inconsiderate and making you feel inconsiderate.

Seriously,OP you make absolutely no sense at all!

raizy

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 10:25 pm

when I am pregant no one notices that I am so no one stands up for me. even though I am dead sick etc. but here is the catch they will stand up for me when they see that I have a small child in a carriage ... what a laugh... when my baby is one yrs old I dont need the seat anymore...

and I was sick... so when I get a seat I sit in it. and I dont give it away to anyone. but I do try to go as far back in the bus as posiable.

amother

Wed, Jul 22 2009, 11:42 pm

im in early pregnancy now and I think im much worse off than those whose balance is off. just today I had to sit down while waiting for the elevator in the mall cuz I felt like I would faint, and it was only a minute! I dont take public transportation usually, but if I do, I get up for those who need it. but if it was at this stage in my life, sorry for looking rude or inconsiderate, I can not stand in line at the grocery without feeling like im gonna pass out. u never know what others are goin through, but I would really not get up right now for anyone, unless they were highly handicapped. but I do believe in giving seats to those who need it more, when u are capable of doing so.

Seraph

Thu, Jul 23 2009, 1:28 am

B'h when I'm pregnant I generally feel good and don't need a seat, so don't take people up on the offer unless I feel I need it, but I appreciate the offers. It bugs me though when I do need a seat, and a 70 or 80 year old lady insist on getting up for me because no one else is...

I'll admit, I find more of a need of a seat when I'm holding a baby/child on the bus... And it does tick me off majorly when I'm standing on a bus ride holding a squirming kid and no one offers to get up for me- at least a pregnant woman has two hands with which to hold on- when I'm holding a kid, I have one hand at most, and have fallen while holding my son.

B'h those times when no one stood up for me were few and far between.